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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25762756">Ask Me To Stay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkissedworld/pseuds/sunkissedworld'>sunkissedworld</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Car Accident, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Iwa can dance, Jobs Money Family all that drama, Living Together, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Minor Character Death, Misunderstandings, Oikawa Tooru-centric, Self-Hatred, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Tooru can play the guitar, Tooru is just really going through it, Volleyball, his friends are great, mid-twenties, tooru is bad with feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:27:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,895</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25762756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkissedworld/pseuds/sunkissedworld</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hajime gave more than he took. Tooru wishes he returned the favour earlier, because in the end, Hajime took everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>maazesfini</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. My Nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello.<br/>Okay, so this is a story I originally wrote and posted for another fandom years ago. It was a story I really loved and when I was looking through my drafts the other day, I realized I had been thinking about a similar plot but with Haikyuu in mind and well, I basically made some changed, fixed the characters, and here is a 40k Tooru centric, Iwaoi fic.<br/>This fic is heavy on the angst. This fic is also meant to have a sequel that I never posted for the other fandom. Now that I seem to be writing a lot for haikyuu, maybe ill be motivated to finally finished the sequel and post it as well. </p><p>Thank for reading, in advance.<br/>Please enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the man he is facing closes his briefcase, fixes his tie and offers a tight smile when they lock eyes, Tooru knows how the next five minutes are going to go. The speech is roughly the same as the ones he heard the past two months, starting with: <em>'it was a pleasure meeting you,’</em> and ending with, <em>'I'm sorry, but you are not quite what we are looking for'.</em> Tooru takes the rejection with a nod. He thanks him for the interview, inclining his head respectfully, and then with whatever confidence he has left, Tooru leaves the office with his head held high.</p><p>The secretary offers Tooru a sad smile and he returns it, having enjoyed the coffee she had offered him earlier. She had been sweet in her reception and with the way she talked about her employer, Tooru had been sure he could have charmed him into giving him the job. He had been wrong of course, but it's not the first time Tooru is wrong about someone he judges by what others tell him, so he doesn't take it to heart.</p><p>He is not as devastated as the first time he got shut down for a job Tooru knows he qualifies for. He is disappointed and frustrated, but also a little annoyed because his parents know he applied and got the interview, so they are expecting to know how it went and if there is anything Tooru hates; it is giving his parents bad news.</p><p>He debates on calling them, the faster he gets it done with the better, but Tooru knows how the conversation is going to play out and at some point he is going to hang up the phone and then his parents will come looking for him at his apartment to give him a verbal beat down (Tooru hasn’t been keeping his place clean, so he can't afford his parents finding another reason to yell at him.)</p><p>Tooru stops a cab, gives the directions to his childhood home, and spends the ride there murmuring encouragements to himself.</p><p>He is not scared of his parents. His father lost his touch the moment Tooru realized nothing he ever did would make him proud and that being the rebellious son felt way better than being his parent’s respectful ‘heir’. What he <em>is </em>scared of is himself. Tooru can only take so much of his father's insults before he starts throwing insults himself and last time that happened, his mother had cried and then her asthma had acted up. He also called his father an asshole once and his father had turned so red, all the blood in his head had made him faint.</p><p>In conclusion: Tooru sticking up for himself when his parents gain up on him is a risky thing to do. Now that their health is declining, the last thing he wants is to be forced to explain to a doctor that his father suffered a heart attack because Tooru told him to go fuck himself (never that bluntly). Thus, when he arrives to the place he called home for twenty years of his life, Tooru pays the cab driver, gets off the car, and takes a deep breath while he mentally promises himself to keep his cool.</p><p>“Tooru.” His mother greets him, opening the door before he even knocks. “Did you get the job?”</p><p>He offers her a tight smile, kisses her on the cheek, throws a greeting and walks straight into the house. “Is dad...?”</p><p>“Here, son.” The voice comes from the living room, which means his father is probably going through some paperwork and that's a clear enough signal to know he is in a delicate mood and that Tooru is going to have to play his words right. “How was the interview?” His father asks the moment Tooru enters the room.</p><p>He opens his mouth to say 'good' but thinks better of it because his father doesn't do sugar-coating. He sits, right in front of his dad and looks him straight in the eye. “I didn't get the job.”</p><p>His mother takes the seat next to his father and they both stare at him without saying a word. Their faces are passive, but it's the twitch of his father’s mouth that tells him he is mad and the tapping of his mother’s fingers that tell him she is disappointed.</p><p>Tooru makes a popping sound with his mouth when the silence stretches and his mom frowns, breaking the silence by asking 'why not' and Tooru wonders the same thing but says; ”I didn't qualify."</p><p>"Why the hell not?" His father snaps. "They are looking for a young man with a masters degree in business administration. Is that not what <em>you, </em>a young man, has?"</p><p>"I'm just not what they are looking for." Tooru shrugs. "Maybe it's because I'm too handsome?" He regrets those words the moment he says them. He forgot his parents were immune to his humour.</p><p>"Do you think this is funny?" His father barks. ”This is humiliating! That company! The nerve they have to reject my son for no reason."</p><p>Ah yes, just what Tooru had hoped wouldn’t be brought up in the conversation. "Dad, this isn't about you, or our family for that matter, okay? I'm sure the company had a reason, don’t worry, I'll find a job.”</p><p>"'Tooru, honey.” His mother interrupts, eyes showing a hint of annoyance. “Why don't you just work in your father’s company? This idea of yours, of finding a job by yourself, is getting a bit ridiculous. We first agreed to go along with this because we wanted you to learn, but I can't keep watching you waste time."</p><p>"Your mother is right.” His father adds. "All you are doing is wasting time. You should have started working the moment you graduated. I'll admit, I found it amusing the day you told us you wanted to find a job and do that thing all your friends are doing, what is it, again? Ah, starting from the bottom and climbing to the top? I get it, all the people you know are taking that path. But you son, you've had the top waiting for you since you began your studies. It was amusing that you wanted to do this the <em>'American dream' </em>way, but, <em>grow up</em>. You’re Japanese, and <em>my</em> son. You should be working for the most prestigious company our nation offers."</p><p>The smile Tooru gives his parents is mocking and plain dirty. "You would like that, wouldn't you?" He snorts, leaning against the chair while pushing his hair back with both his hands. "What can be better than little old Oikawa Tooru following his fathers footsteps?" He shakes his head, swallowing down as many vile words he has at the tip of his tongue. “That's what all the media would say right? The Oikawa legacy continues! Yeah, I can see the headlines.”</p><p>“Tooru." His mother warns, mouth tensing with Tooru's every word.</p><p>“What, mom? You don't see how this is once again all about him? About his image? About how he needs to have me work by his side only because it's what's expected of him."</p><p>"Watch your tongue. I only want what's good for you."</p><p>Tooru snorts, pushes his chair back, and stands up ignoring his parent's warnings. "If you wanted what's good for me, you would support me in whatever path I decide to take." He hisses. "Good night."</p><p>Tooru moves fast, shutting off the echo of the shouting that follows him until he closes the front door of the place he once called home. He wants to scream out of frustration, but instead just punches a wall three times and swallows back curse words that he feels like shouting to the world so the world can shout back with him.</p><p>-o-</p><p><em>“Where have you been?”</em> Is the greeting he gets from Kuroo the moment Tooru answers his phone. For a second he thinks about hanging up and throwing his phone across the room so it breaks and he has a genuine excuse as to why he is ignoring his friends, but he dismisses that idea when he realizes Kuroo never calls unless he has something important to say. <em>"You there, asshole?"</em></p><p>"Hello to you too, Tetsu-<em>chan</em>.” Tooru mumbles, making himself comfortable on his bed. "How have I been? Oh, not so great actually but thanks for asking. How about you?"</p><p><em>"I've been screwing Tsukki, so great." </em>Tooru chokes, trying to pull out any memory of Tsukishima and Kuroo ever showing interest for each other and yeah, he can't think of anything. <em>"I asked where you've been though, so answer that."</em></p><p>“Around." Tooru replies offhandedly. ”What was that part about Kei-kun?”</p><p><em>"We started dating a month ago."</em> Kuroo explains, his tone not losing the angry pitch. <em>“You would've known earlier if you hadn't disappeared from the planet."</em></p><p>Tooru bites his lip. "I'm still in Tokyo."</p><p><em>"Of course I know that.”</em> Kuroo huffs. <em>“Osamu saw you wallowing in self-pity a week ago at a convenience store."</em></p><p>"I was not wallowing in self-pity!" Tooru sounds far too defensive. He groans when Kuroo mumbles a 'sure' and Tooru proceeds to get irritated for getting called out on his bullshit. "Did you just call to annoy me?"</p><p>Kuroo says something about calling him to deliver the good news of his not-so-single status and Tooru is about to point out that it's been a month, and maybe he should have called earlier, but Kuroo decides to continue being an ass by bringing up the last thing Tooru wants to even think about. <em>“Are you still looking for a job?"</em></p><p>"No." Tooru utters, swallows and then groans. "Yes." Kuroo stays silent for a second, Tooru almost thinks he hung up but then he hears him mumbling something in English and Tooru blinks but leaves the phone resting against his ear as he waits for Kuroo to speak. When he does, he tells Tooru he can get him a job and his reply is automatically a: "No. I don't need my parents <em>or</em> my friends' help."</p><p><em>"Unlike your parents,”</em> Kuroo begins in that annoying voice he has every time he tries to lecture someone, <em>"I'm just getting you an interview to a possible job. It's your resume and your personality that's getting you the job."</em></p><p>"That's still—“</p><p><em>"Don't be so proud." </em>Kuroo cuts him off. <em>“A little help wont hurt. Plus, it's exactly what you are looking for." </em>Tooru can hear a hint of amusement intertwined in Kuroo’s words; <em>"It has a good pay, it's a great way to start a career and your parents will hate it."</em></p><p>That is what Tooru is looking for, but there is an edging feeling in the back of his neck that has him asking: "Where is the big but?" Kuroo goes silent then and Tooru just knew it was too good to be true. “Tetsu, I'm not going to be a prostitute no matter how many examples you show me of hookers becoming successful over the years.”</p><p>
  <em>"It's in America.”</em>
</p><p>"What?” Tooru asks dumbfound.</p><p>
  <em>"The job is for an honourable company—not a brothel— and it's in America. California to be more precise."</em>
</p><p>Tooru doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry. "Have you forgotten I failed my English class and my dad had to pay the teacher to boost up my mark?"</p><p>
  <em>"You don't need to know English. It's not in the job description. They just need someone who knows Japanese and has a degree in business."</em>
</p><p>"Kuroo." Tooru starts, already on his last nerve. "What's the job?"</p><p>
  <em>“An assistant position for a Japanese partner that has to stay in California to look over a project.”</em>
</p><p><em>Not bad.</em> "What company?"</p><p>
  <em>“Seijoh Consolidated."</em>
</p><p>“Shira Enterprises' main competitor?” Tooru sucks in a breath, heart beating with excitement. "Are you serious?"</p><p>Kuroo says yes and Tooru laughs because of course, only Kuroo would ever do something so evil. His parents never liked Kuroo and this might as well be payback for all the years they humiliated him when he stayed over for dinner at the Oikawa household and they would talk about family, economic stability and how they couldn't wait for Tooru to marry a girl that would give them grandkids.</p><p>
  <em>"So, are you interested?"</em>
</p><p>Tooru says he will think about it and then hangs up after promising Kuroo he will keep in touch and that he will come to the next outing they have. Tooru stays up the entire night thinking about the pros and cons of him taking the job. He falls asleep when the sun rises with a decision yet to be made.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Kuroo texts him two days later telling him they are meeting up for some takeout and beer atOsamu’s place and Tooru hates that he had promised he'd go, considering he had been enjoying his peace and quiet.</p><p>Peace and quiet are long gone the moment Tooru steps inside Osamu's apartment. It's small and Osamu's endless furniture makes it crowded even though the only people present are Osamu and Akaashi. “I Heard you are going to America." Is the way Akaashi greets him and Tooru groans, thinking of ways to murder Kuroo the moment he gets here.</p><p>"I say go for it!" Osamu chirps, handing Tooru a sake bottle and a bottle of beer. "Leave the sake on the table, drink the beer."</p><p>Tooru does what he is told and then goes to join Akaashi who is lounging on Osamu's couch. "So you think I should take it?" He asks, though he actually means apply because the job is not just there for the taking.</p><p>"I think it will be good for you." Akaashi replies, causing Tooru to frown because that kind of answer is what has him wondering why this will be good for him other than it being because he will finally have a job. The last thing Tooru needs right now is more things to keep his mind occupied at night leaving no space for sleep, so he quickly puts his worries to rest.</p><p>“Keiji, I don't know what to do." He whines like a little kid and neither Osamu or Akaashi dignify that with a response.</p><p>Atsumu comes ten minutes after Tooru. His hair is wet and his clothes barely on properly and while both Osamu and Akaashi laugh like it's some casual joke, Tooru is left frowning and questioning what the hell happened to the Miya Atsumu he knew.</p><p>"He found love." Osamu sings along, with a terrible pitch. He avoid’s a kick from his brother but manages to throw a cushion Atsumu’s way, hitting him flat on his face. "But love didn’t find him!"</p><p>“Shut it." Is what a blushing Atsumu says and Tooru states that if someone would have told him Atsumu died and got replaced by a teenage girl two months ago, he would not have bothered ignoring them for so long. Akaashi laughs at his joke but both Osamu and Atsumu just glare before they tackle him and start giving him the beat down he deserves for being a shitty friend. "You're an ass, Oikawa.” Atsumu says but then he lets Tooru use his legs as a pillow and Tooru knows things are alright.</p><p>Until Tsukishima and Kuroo show up and the amount of PDA Tooru witnesses has him wanting to puke. "Why did this happen? Who let this happen?" he asks after two bottles of beer, he feels a bit tipsy but the couple in the room have him sobering up every time they make an inappropriate sound.</p><p>"You did." Tsukishima retorts. "You stopped showing up to our hangouts, so in other words, you stopped cock-blocking."</p><p>Tooru gaps and then proceeds to ruffle Tsukishima's hair. "My baby is all grown up. Look at you using big words like cock-blocking."</p><p>"Speaking of big and cock. Kuroo—“</p><p>“M'kay!" Atsumu shouts, cutting Tsukishima off. "Lets talk ‘bout something that won't make me want to bleach my ears."</p><p>"Lets talk about <em>'dreamy eyes, highlighted by the beauty marks becoming of a prince.’</em>” Kuroo snickers the second Atsumu blushes and sticks up his middle finger. ”How's that going?"</p><p>"Do you know his name yet?" Akaashi asks and there is a bite to his words. “Because you are starting to look like a stalker with a creepy crush."</p><p>Atsumu splutters and begins yelling at both Akaashi and Kuroo, face red from embarrassment. Tooru has to lean into Osamu to ask what the hell they are talking about and Osamu mutters something about a gorgeous boy that buys coffee every morning from the Cafe Atsumu spends his mornings studying. Tooru laughs, barely understanding what's happening but Kuroo and Atsumu are now wrestling over the last bit of dango and Tsukishima is recording it all with his phone while Akaashi steals the last two onigiris before offering one to Osamu and--</p><p>Tooru realizes he doesn't quite fit in. They are just so happy and he is not as happy as he could be.</p><p>They all found jobs before they even graduated from university. They are moving forward with their lives and the real reason Tooru ignored them for two months was because he felt like shit every time he saw how much better his friends were doing. He is bitter and jealous and he hates feeling that way. Sitting now, watching his friends, he realizes nothing has changed. He feels useless and pathetic, maybe even alone because he doesn't seem to be invited to that perfect world his friends are living in.</p><p>Tooru later looks back at this day and concludes it's the feeling of emptiness and disconnect he felt while watching the people he has known for most of his life being happy, that pushed him to take a job so far from home. From them.</p><p>-o-</p><p>The first month is harder than he anticipated.</p><p>He finds a place two blocks away from Seijoh Consolidated. It's small, smaller than Osamu's place, but Tooru doesn't care. It has a bed and a kitchen and that's all he really needs. It's cheap too, which enables him to buy a desk and a laptop so he can work at home. He buys a few books that promise to teach him English within two month and Tooru actually bothers to sign up for online classes too because even though his job doesn't require him to know English, it will become quite handy since he is living in America. (He also picks up a Spanish book just for the heck of it.)</p><p>The first day at the office passes like a breeze. His employer is kind and welcoming. He spends the first hour they meet telling Tooru about how shitty the company is treating him, and another hour ranting about racism and then a few minutes whining about missing home. Tooru tells him a few things he remembers from the local news and comes to realize his employer— Mr. Irihata— just really enjoys Tooru's talking. He tells him so and then goes on about how all Tooru needs to do is speak in Japanese at all times and then he tells him the full job description.</p><p>Mr. Irihata has an assistant taking care of all the paperwork in English. Tooru himself is in charge of looking at all the paperwork coming from Japan. He has to make notes, presentations, and then write the occasional email to companies across Japan that are partnered with Seijoh Consolidated. Mr. Irihata himself is an important business man with more than one associate and Tooru has to look over those relations too. It's a packed job, but nothing Tooru isn't qualified to do.</p><p>The issue of his family name comes when Mr. Irihata goes over his personal information after reading Tooru's desk tag. Tooru gets lectured about honesty and the importance on privacy and what could possibly happen to him if he committed a crime against the company. Tooru has to swear to the high heavens he isn't some sort of spy and that he has cut out all connections to Shira Enterprises. It's not exactly a lie. He cut all connection with Shira Enterprises long before he graduated. He hasn’t stepped foot in that building since he worked there as a mail delivery boy when he was in high school. It's his parents he sort of keeps in touch with.</p><p>He called to tell them about the job a week after he settled in his apartment. The conversation had started all wrong because they had been furious since the beginning, having found out that Tooru had abandoned his apartment in Tokyo.</p><p><em>"Where are you staying now? Not with that friend of yours, right?"</em> They were obviously referring to Kuroo, since Tooru caught the hint of detest in his dad's voice.</p><p>"I'm in California.” Tooru says, silencing his parents. He proceeds to tell them why he is there and like expected, they don't react well. They yell, taking turns in demanding he quit right away. His mom goes on about where she went wrong in raising him and his father rants about his image and <em>what will the tabloids say?</em> Tooru mocks him for that and that causes his father to snap a <em>‘listen you son of a—‘ </em>Tooru hangs up, glad that he is a country away and wont need to worry about his parents knocking down his door to ruin his life with more verbal abuse. He turns off his phone and doesn't turn in back on until two days have passed (thank god he has a work phone).</p><p>When his phone is back on, he has fifteen missed calls from Kuroo and double the amount of texts. Tsukishima left one message which says <em>'answer Kuroo's messages'</em> and Akaashi left a voice message.<em> “Oikawa-san, I hope everything is going okay. Call me when you can, take care.” </em>Since Akaashi's message has him smiling, he calls him first, but is greeted with Kuroo's insufferable voice.</p><p><em>"Where have you been?"</em> Tooru checks his phone, making sure he dialled Akaashi's number, which he did and hangs up before Kuroo can throw any more insults.</p><p>His phone rings five minutes later, he checks the caller ID and its Atsumu. Tooru takes a moment to think before he answers, making sure to remember whether there is a chance Kuroo and Atsumu are together on a Friday evening, and no, there isn’t, because Atsumu has work and Kuroo should be at the gym or harassing Tsukishima and Akaashi at work. He takes the call.</p><p><em>"Kuroo says to call him back or ya ain't talkin’ to ‘Kaashi."</em> Tooru groans, complaining to Atsumu about how annoying Kuroo is and why did he bother being friends with him. Atsumu just laughs at him before hanging up after ordering Tooru to be a man.</p><p>It's with dread that Tooru calls Akaashi again, hoping his saner friend took his phone back, but no such luck. <em>"You ever ignore my calls again, I’ll send my people to get you." </em>Tooru thinks about asking Kuroo what he means by 'my people' and 'get you' but he thinks it over and concludes he doesn't want to know.</p><p>"What do you want?" Tooru groans into the phone and all he gets is Kuroo's endless blabber of him being a bad friend. Tooru manages to explain why he wasn't able to take any of the previous calls, and by bringing up his parents Kuroo sighs and then admits having run into them when he was on a date with Tsukishima. "What happened?" Tooru asks, fearing the worst.</p><p><em>"They told me I was bad influence, had no right in corrupting you, and threw a slur or two at Tsukki and I. Tsukki looked ready to hit your dad."</em> Kuroo explains, sounding proud at the last part, <em>"you know, same old. They still hate me more than they hate you, if that makes you feel better."</em></p><p>"It doesn't. Did they say anything about my job?"</p><p>Kuroo goes quiet and Tooru waits patiently for what he knows is going to ruin the rest of his day. <em>"There was a small article about you on the news last Sunday."</em> Tooru urges Kuroo to go on, <em>"someone from Shira Enterprises snitched about you getting a job elsewhere and well, he said your parents had more or less disowned you. No official statement from your dad or anything, so it hasn't really spiked much interest. I think your dad is just trying to ignore this and..."</em></p><p>"...act like he never had a son in the first place, right?" Tooru laughs. <em>He did it to my sister,</em> he thinks of adding but decides against it. “A dream come true." Kuroo has gone quiet and Tooru knows it's because he is probably pouting and thinking of things to say to cheer him up. "But anyways, enough about that. Where's Keiji?"</p><p>Kuroo complains about Tooru liking Akaashi better and how: <em>'I was worried you bastard, none of them care as much as I do. Why don't you want to talk to me!'</em> Tooru hears Tsukishima's voice from afar saying something along the lines of <em>‘because you're an asshole' </em>and that has Kuroo muttering a quick bye before the line goes silent and then Akaashi's much welcomed voice comes through with a greeting.</p><p>“Keiji-kun!” Tooru greets, snickering at Kuroo and Tsukishima's bickering in the background. ”How are you?"</p><p>They talk for a bit, Akaashi updates him on a few things, like Osamu quitting his job and getting the same job at another store, and Atsumu being a dork and almost talking to his gorgeous crush. Also, Akaashi mentions something about Tsukishima changing his program and then the conversation takes a turn and Tooru begins talking about his life. He tells him everything he can about his apartment and job. Mentions enjoying going to the grocery store because some old ladies always smile at him and suggest certain products to try.</p><p>Akaashi listens carefully, giving Tooru tips about the American life, (he lived in Los Angeles for a year on a transfer program) before he suddenly goes quiet and Tooru has to ask what's wrong.</p><p><em>"I'm seeing someone."</em> Akaashi says and Tooru has to ask him to repeat himself because he doesn't think he heard right.</p><p>“That's great!” He exclaims when the initial shock fades. "What's her name?" Tooru waits to hear some classy and elegant lady like name, but instead he hears<em> Koutarou </em>and Tooru has to hold back an outburst of questions because <em>what? </em>"But you're straight.” He deadpans.</p><p><em>"He is different." </em>Akaashi explains. <em>"And nice. I really like him."</em></p><p>Tooru doesn't question him longer. He congratulates Akaashi in finding love and even though he can't see his friend, his tone is enough for Tooru to know that his stoic eyes have probably softened and his lips are showcasing a private smile, one that truly shows his happiness.</p><p>Another week passes before Tooru gets another call from his friends. It's Osamu this time, who started the conversation by saying how much he hates ‘Bokuto’ because he is<em> 'stealing </em>Tsukishima <em>away.' </em>Tooru has to remind Osamu that Kuroo stole Tsukishima years ago and that has Osamu blabbering about loyalty. He gets him to open up about Bokuto (Akaashi’s boyfriend, Bokuto Koutarou—<em> why does his name sound familiar?</em>) and Tooru find's out he isn't as nice as Akaashi made him out to be.</p><p><em>"He is a dork. But funny? Unknowingly blunt and sarcastic? Him and Kuroo lose brain cells when they’re together. Tsukishima weirdly respects him. And he is always eatin’ everything.” </em>Osamu laughs. <em>”But of course, he is nice and caring to ‘Kaashi. He stayed up one night just to make him a bento for the day of his deadline. They are disgusting."</em> Of course Akaashi would find his complete opposite. <em>"He is bulky, too.”</em> Osamu adds as if it were a bad thing.</p><p>”You’re bulky." Tooru deadpans ignoring Osamu's splutter of curses. "What does Atsumu think?" Osamu starts laughing upon the mention of Atsumu. Tooru asks what's so funny and in return he gets a story that has him wishing he had been there to see it.</p><p><em>"We went for lunch with Bokuto's cousin and somehow we ended up teasin’ Sumu ‘bout his creepy crush on that gorgeous bastard and guess what? Turns out Bokuto's cousin dated him. Ya shoulda seen the look on Sumu's stupid face.”</em> Tooru really wishes he had. Mortification doesn't even begin to cover what Atsumu might have felt. He feels sorry for his friend, but Osamu assures Atsumu is just fine. <em>"Hiding in his room for the next year, but fine."</em></p><p>-o-</p><p>Three months pass and he still sucks at English (his Spanish is coming along fine though, which Tooru probably has a few telenovelas to thank). He has gotten better in the writing, but there is no way his mouth will ever be able to pronounce anything right. He wants to give up but Mr. Irihata insists he will eventually get the hang of it. Tooru assumes the only reason he is being so supportive is because he enjoys watching him make a fool of himself. He has a twisted humour like that.</p><p>Tooru likes Mr. Irihata, though. Especially after he gets a raise for staying overtime for a whole week in order to finish that report some of Mr. Irihata's employees in Japan were suppose to have done. Tooru barely spends the money he earns, instead he just puts it in his savings account with the idea of using it later for something cheesy like travelling the world when he enters his mid-life crisis.</p><p>Mr. Irihata talks to him about his lack of social life one day. Bringing up how all Tooru does is work and he is concerned. Tooru just shrugs, saying he doesn't really have friends in California and all that does is cause Mr. Irihata to chew him out for not making friends in the past months. The next day Tooru finds brochures on his desk. Bars and karaoke bars and <em>yeah, not happening.</em> Tooru has never been a big fan of any of the two. But he gets brochures every day for the next week and it gets annoying.</p><p>He picks a bar, because he has no one to go to karaoke with and he is definitely not attempting to make friends there. It's easier in a bar where he can drink and not care if he ends up interacting with someone or not. Tooru goes a bit past 10, already a bit tipsy after pre-drinking and spends the next two hours drinking some more and nodding his head to the music.</p><p>He ends up conversing with the bartender—a half Japanese half American petite girl—for most of the night. She is small, pretty and wearing a very short dress that has Tooru staring at her legs for longer than he plans to. He doesn't bother paying much attention to anything she says, though he tries to speak as much English since her Japanese is lacking. They just talk whenever she is not busy serving other customers and eventually when her shift is done, she sticks around so Tooru and her can have some drinks and then dance to a few songs.</p><p>They spend around fifteen minutes dancing way too close to each other. It's dirty, the way she moves against him and the way Tooru holds her, making sure to have her body pressing against his the way he wants. He is hard at some point, and the girl licks her lips at him so Tooru doesn't think much about it and immediately pulls her towards the back of the bar. The bar is closing in half an hour, everyone still around is too drunk to care or even notice when she pushes Tooru into the employee’s washroom. She takes him to the furthest stall and locks the door before he finally takes charge and lifts her up to kiss her. She wraps her legs around him, grinding her hips and yes, Tooru wants this.</p><p>He doesn't have a condom, so he doesn't fuck her. Instead she gives him a blow job and he fingers her until she is screaming his name that he apparently told her at some point. It's not something he commonly does—hooking up with strangers, that is— but her moans and dirty talking has definitely got him worked up, and at the stage of intoxication he is at, he doesn't really care how he gets off.</p><p>They don't exchange numbers when they are done. They don't keep in touch. Tooru doesn't really care.</p><p>"Long night?" Mr. Irihata asks with a smile the next day and Tooru actually flips the middle finger at him, employer be damned. Mr. Irihata just laughs, pats him on the back and says; "good to hear!" Tooru doesn't dignify that with a response. The brochures stop showing up on his desk.</p><p>-o-</p><p>It's after two more months that Atsumu shows up at his apartment. He needs a place to stay and of course Tooru lets him in, but considers kicking him out the moment Atsumu explains why he is all the way in America.</p><p>"He found out I like him cuz Iwaizumi fuckin’ told him!” Atsumu groans, head resting in has hands. "I can't go back there. I can never go back there.” Tooru doesn't know who Iwaizumi is, but he has an idea of who 'him' is and why exactly Atsumu flew all the way to America for something as stupid as Sakusa Kiyoomi finding out about his crush. Atsumu isn’t good with feelings. Not since he confessed to Kuroo only to get friend-zoned and then to confess to Tooru a year later and for Tooru to heartlessly shoot him down. Since then, Atsumu has kept to pinning, not bothering to do anything about his crushes. He is not scared, just being realistic. And according to reality, "Sakusa would never like me."</p><p>Tooru has to roll his eyes at how pathetic his friend is.</p><p>Atsumu mops around for a whole day. He whines about his life being over and eats all of Tooru's food while planning how to murder that Iwaizumi guy. It's the next day when Atsumu starts watching telenovelas (without subtitles) that Tooru decides that enough is enough. "You're going to go back to Japan and you're going to face this like a man.” Atsumu blinks at him and says <em>no</em> before locking himself in Tooru's room for the rest of the day.</p><p>“'Member the day I asked ya out?" Atsumu asks when he finally emerges from his room, five minutes after midnight. Tooru is lounging on the couch watching a foreign movie. He gives Atsumu a pointed look before he sighs, turns the TV off and mutters a 'yeah'. "Why didja say no?" Tooru groans, because why is this being brought up now? "Is it because I have a twin?”</p><p>"You think Sakusa doesn't like you because you have a twin?"</p><p>Silence. “No."</p><p>"You can't be that much of a moron."</p><p>"I just— ya shoulda seen his face." Atsumu groans, hands covering his face, "he looked horrified, like that time I asked ya out."</p><p>Tooru gaps. ”I was not horrified. Just a bit shocked."</p><p>"This is hopeless. I'm hopeless. I should just go back to liking girls, ‘least they like me back."</p><p>Tooru thinks about the few girls Atsumu dated through his school years and shivers. “Please don't."</p><p>"Or who needs relationships?” Atsumu rants on, "I should just focus on volleyball and stuff."</p><p>"By stuff do you mean your career?"</p><p>Atsumu blinks at Tooru, looking nervous. "Yeah, ‘bout that.” Tooru raises an eyebrow urging him to go on. ”I mighta dropped all my courses."</p><p>If Tooru had been drinking anything he would have spat it all out upon hearing those words. "What?"</p><p>"Don't wanna be a doctor no more."</p><p>"What!?"</p><p>Atsumu sighs heavily, "I just wanna play volleyball and write."</p><p><em>Write? </em>Tooru wants to scream. ”You gave up on medicine?" Tooru blurts scandalized. "Volleyball? You want to be a volleyball player? Like professionally? Like— Miya Atsumu, what the fuck?"</p><p>Atsumu glares, giving Tooru a look that says 'you-have-no-right-to-judge'. "Ya gave up on medicine before me."</p><p>"You were almost done! What about your job at the pharmacy?"</p><p>"I quit." Atsumu says. ”I work at a bookstore now."</p><p>It's shocking, hearing how much Atsumu's life has changed in a matter of months. Tooru can't deny that Atsumu looks better than he has in the past year (obviously ignoring his state since the whole Sakusa dilemma). The way he dismisses school and carelessly talks about playing volleyball as a living, leaves Tooru in awe. He admires his friend, for sticking to something he loves, something that is going to take more than a bit of effort to succeed in.</p><p>"You any better?" Tooru jokes once the mood settles down and Atsumu is done updating him on his new job. "Or do you still hit the net every serve?"</p><p>"Yer the one who sucked." Atsumu scoffs.</p><p>"Then explain how you started losing every game after I left."</p><p>Atsumu rolls his eyes, "Samu left around the same time cuz he had to go study abroad." Okay sure, Osamu was the better player but still, Tooru was sure his absence had affected them somehow. "Ya leaving only meant quieter evenings."</p><p>Tooru fakes a laugh, throwing a few empty bottles of water at Atsumu who easily dodges them. "You wish I had stayed, don't lie." Tooru is still joking around but those words hit Atsumu differently than how Tooru expected.</p><p>Atsumu looks at him with sad eyes, mouth twisting as if he has just swallowed something sour. “Ya shoulda stayed." Atsumu mumbles. "Ya loved playing."</p><p>Tooru doesn't deny that because Atsumu is the only one that knows the truth. Had Kuroo or Akaashi been the ones bringing up Tooru's decision to quit volleyball, he would have had to say stuff like <em>'I'm just wasting my time'</em>,<em> 'I'm busy'</em>, <em>'It's a boring sport</em>', <em>'I lost interest</em>'. But it's Atsumu bringing up the past so all Tooru can say is "I had no choice."</p><p>It's a sore topic, one that they've talked about countless times. No matter how much Atsumu insists that they could have found a loophole, that they could have figured something out, Tooru can't bring himself to think that there had been a chance for him to continue playing. His parents had given him the ultimatum; quit volleyball or say goodbye to their financial support for tuition.</p><p>Atsumu gives him a sad smile and Tooru returns it.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Atsumu leaves a week later, mostly because the book store threatens his job. Tooru wishes him all the best, promising to keep in touch in order to know how everything goes. He loses his phone however, and it's not until three weeks later that he finally gets in contact with Tsukishima and is promptly shocked into a heart attack.</p><p>He asks for a week leave from work and gets on the first flight back to Japan. He curses himself for not really telling anyone because he has to take a taxi since no one is waiting for him at the airport. He manages to make it to Akaashi's place an hour before midnight which is good because Akaashi ignores anyone who knocks on his door after midnight.</p><p>Akaashi stares at him shocked when he opens the door and Tooru, who's panting and looking like shit since he hasn't showered in two days, has to glare at him through exhausted eyes before he snaps and yells: "you're engaged?"</p><p>The story is shared the next day over breakfast. They are all crammed inside the kitchen eating cereal because Akaashi can't be damned to cook for everyone. Kuroo is sitting on Tsukishima's lap as they both laugh obnoxiously at every detail of the story. Atsumu is resting his head on the table for most of the story, coughing every other second and yelling how much life hates him and <em>'why am I the only one sick?'</em> Osamu is patting Tooru on the back, a clear sign of pity.</p><p>Bokuto is the one who tells the story, starting with him waking up because some maniac was trying to strangle his fiancé. Tooru has decided he doesn't quite like Bokuto. He is like Kuroo and Tsukishima but worse. He freely makes fun of Tooru and Tooru has no dirt on him to blackmail him into shutting up. Bokuto goes on about trying to calm Tooru down for not telling him about their engagement (in which Akaashi asks who exactly told him and Tsukishima manages to raise his hand, completely unfazed.)</p><p>Kuroo himself finds everything entertaining, but wastes no time in attacking Tooru for losing contact with them once again. He gets lectured by all his friends and even Bokuto throws in a few words. If it weren’t for the fact that Akaashi has the hugest smile on his face as he plays with his engagement ring, Tooru would surely be planning how to object to the wedding.</p><p>Tooru stays with Akaashi for the rest of the week. Bokuto has his own apartment and is often busy with work, so Akaashi says he doesn't mind the company. Tooru helps him plan a few wedding things, though most of the week is spent on him telling Akaashi a life update. He doesn't really mind, because it's nice having someone to vent to.</p><p>The wedding is set to take place in three months (a little too soon, if you asked Tooru) and Tooru promises to return then. He leaves back to California without having talked much to Atsumu or Osamu or Tsukishima and Kuroo but they don't seem to resent him since Akaashi passes on the update to them anyways. Apparently they are just glad Tooru's life is moving forwards and well,</p><p>Tooru feels like life is going nowhere.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He gets a call two days after he returned to his small apartment in California. Atsumu is dating Sakusa and that's really all he hears before the phone dies because he forgot to charge it. He doesn't call Atsumu back when his phone starts running again, instead he dials Osamu's numbers and after four rings, Kuroo is the one answering. <em>"Why did you hang up on Atsumu? He is crying."</em></p><p>Tooru thinks about telling Kuroo to stop stealing people's phone but decides against it since Kuroo will probably lecture him on ignoring friends and other nonsense Tooru doesn’t want to think about.</p><p>"My phone died." He explains and Kuroo doesn't believe him. Tooru has to groan and swear to call Atsumu back (even though he knows for sure he isn't crying) before Kuroo finally hands the phone over to Osamu.</p><p><em>"What's up?" </em>Osamu greets and the first thing Tooru does is ask him to find somewhere private to talk. Osamu laughs but nonetheless moves. <em>"I'm outside, no one—Kuroo, isn't around. What's up?"</em> Tooru stays quiet for a second, thinking of the right words to say. <em>"Everythin’ okay?"</em></p><p>"How's your love life?" Tooru asks and Osamu says nothing. "Are you dating anyone? Are you engaged? Fucking a best friend maybe?"</p><p>
  <em>"What's this about?"</em>
</p><p>Tooru knows he sounds a bit bitter and hurt but, "nothing." He swallows feeling his throat clogging up, "I don't want to be alone."</p><p>
  <em>"Yer not alone."</em>
</p><p>Tooru knows that. "You know what I mean."</p><p>He hears Osamu sigh.<em>”I'm not seeing anyone."</em></p><p>"You can't find someone and leave me all alone."</p><p>There is fondness in Osamu's voice when he says <em>"I wont."</em></p><p>Tooru's throat goes dry. “Okay." He chokes back tears. ”Thanks."</p><p>-o-</p><p>When Tooru comes back to Japan for Akaashi's wedding, he takes a month leave from work. Atsumu is there to pick him up at the airport, looking like a model and Tooru has to blink because he doesn't remember his friend ever being this confident. He stands all tall and intimidating and he actually looks good with the clothing he is wearing and his hair is styled and "who are you?" Tooru asks and Atsumu rolls his eyes.</p><p>"Hurry, I have a date." Atsumu says and Tooru gaps because he hasn't even gotten a ‘welcome back’. He complains about Atsumu's lack of interest in Tooru's life now that Sakusa is in his life. Atsumu mostly listens, but at some point he turns up the radio in the car and Tooru crosses his arms and frowns until they arrive at the apartment.</p><p>Atsumu's apartment is small but it fits the two of them easily. It beats staying at a hotel and Atsumu has promised that any night he wants to spend with his boyfriend will be spent at said boyfriend’s house. Tooru lets Atsumu know he is allowed to bring Sakusa over at least once so Tooru can meet him and give him the proper 'break-my-friends-heart-I-break-you' best friend speech. Atsumu laughs and leaves Tooru to unpack in favour of his date.</p><p>Kuroo and Tsukishima come visit later that day, mostly to bother Tooru though they said something about helping him unpack. They chew him out for not having a suit picked for Akaashi's wedding and no matter how much Kuroo insists, Tooru refuses on letting him pick his suit. They play some video games while eating all of Atsumu's junk food and they end the night by falling asleep to a horror movie.</p><p>Tooru wakes up the next day alone with a note from Kuroo explaining in detail all his friends' schedules. They are quite busy for the next couple of days, meaning Tooru has to take it upon himself to find ways to kill time. He thinks about visiting his parents, but he rather not get yelled at, so he dismisses that idea in favour of just going around Tokyo.</p><p>He missed his city, he realizes, and spends a good half of the day just walking around the streets he frequented during his school days. He ends up at an ice cream shop, one that he and the twins enjoyed visiting every day after volleyball practice.</p><p>The place isn't packed, though it seems busy because it takes the employees five minutes to finally notice him standing around. He orders a new flavoured ice cream, something with coffee and peach. By the time he gets it, he realizes why the employees had looked so busy. Half the shop is reserved for a birthday party, and all at once kids and their parents are rushing in the shop heading straight for the decorated tables.</p><p>The employees work fast in serving them ice cream and Tooru stares for a while until he realizes he needs to find a seat but there is nothing really available.</p><p>"If we steal a table, do you think they will notice?" A voice says besides Tooru and he turns to see a guy that’s shorter than him but definitely fitter; with a body that screams athlete, dressed in Nike from head to toe. More noticeably is his brown hair (<em>spiked, who actually does that?</em>) and green eyes that are zeroed in on the tables reserved for the birthday party.</p><p>Tooru raises an eyebrow before looking at the table the guy is eyeing. "Well," he muses, "no one is sitting there."</p><p>The guy takes that as some sort of confirmation and walks straight to the table. He takes a seat and looks at Tooru before looking at the chair next to him. <em>What the hell</em> Tooru thinks with a shrug. He takes a seat next to the stranger, beginning to eat his ice cream right away.</p><p>They eat in silence, glancing at the employees every once in a while to make sure they don’t notice them sitting in the reserved area. "Look at them devour that cake." The stranger says just as Tooru is spoons away from finishing his ice cream. "They are doing it all wrong. How can they enjoy the taste of the ice cream if half the ice cream ends up on the floor?”</p><p>"They are kids." Tooru points out, though he feels where the guy is coming from. Ice cream shouldn’t be wasted like that.</p><p>"They are like eight, maybe ten." The stranger says, taking the last spoon full of his ice cream, "they should know better." Tooru looks at the guy and notices some ice-cream on the guys jacket, he thinks about making a joke out of it but the guy is suddenly standing up looking like a deer caught in headlights. "Shit. Run." He mutters and then the guy is bolting.</p><p>Tooru thinks he is a bit over dramatic considering the only thing the manager did when he approached Tooru was ask him to politely find another seat at the other side of the store. Tooru had finished his ice cream by then so he simply left the shop. He thought about the stranger for a bit later that day, mostly because his hair had been so abnormal— who spikes their hair? In this day and age? Athletes? Rich assholes? He sure looked like he could be a mix of both (though maybe he can leave out the asshole part) regardless, Tooru didn't get his name so he forgot all about him by the next day.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He goes with Osamu to the gym for three consecutive days. Akaashi even shows up on the third day claiming he needs a toned body by his wedding night. Tooru is happy he gets to laugh at Akaashi because there is no way in hell that's happening. Akaashi has always been on the skinny side and he spends the whole time complaining about weights instead of lifting them.</p><p>Tooru himself hardly lifts weights and instead pretends he is doing push ups and sit ups and it takes an eye roll from Osamu to confirm that he isn't fooling anyone.</p><p>For some reason though, his body actually hurts and Tooru feels like doing absolutely nothing as he waits for the wedding day which is fast approaching. He spends his days at Atsumu's place watching movies and eating. Atsumu, true to his word, eventually brings Sakusa over one day and Tooru finds delight in praising Sakusa for taking Atsumu out of his misery.</p><p>He likes Sakusa way more than he likes Bokuto but that’s mostly because Sakusa is very understanding of Tooru and he doesn't make fun of him (he doesn’t care). Instead Sakusa asks about his job, makes a comment or two about California and then proceeds to ignore Tooru as he goes on his phone. While Atsumu prepares dinner, Tooru and Sakusa sit around without uttering a single word to each other and Tooru is so thankful he ends up letting Atsumu know that if <em>Atsumu </em>ever breaks Sakusa's heart, Tooru will break him.</p><p>Atsumu promises to never bring Sakusa again (Sakusa barely pays any attention to Atsumu’s blabbering and honestly, Tooru thinks he might be a little in love himself) and thus Tooru is left doing nothing until its three days before the wedding photoshoot and Kuroo calls to remind him about getting a suit.</p><p>Tooru tries getting out of it, considering it's only close family of the couple that should be in the photo shoot but Akaashi's parents passed away long ago and he uses that card to get all of his friend to agree on going.</p><p>Tooru goes suit shopping early in the day, before Kuroo can pop up out of nowhere and demand to be allowed to pick the suit. Kuroo's taste is a bit much for Tooru and he much rather not look like a clown on his friend's wedding.</p><p>He finds a nice store just a few blocks away from the ice cream shop. The guy working is nice and polite, he offers to help Tooru find a suit that's simple and classy. Unfortunately everything he shows him is a little too expensive so that leaves Tooru to scan over the ‘sale’ rack with not-so-classy suits.</p><p>He finds one at the very end of the rack and when he is just about to grab it, another hand is pulling it away. "I saw it from the other side of the store." A familiar voice says and Tooru looks to see the same spiky hair from a few days ago.</p><p>"No, I saw it first." Tooru says and curses himself for sounding like such a kid.</p><p>The guy raises an eyebrow, calling over the employee that was helping Tooru earlier. "Kita, tell him I had my eyes on this suit for months now."</p><p>Kita looks at the spiky haired stranger and then at Tooru. “Sir." He says addressing Tooru, "would you like me to find your size for this suit?” The stranger gaps at Kita as he takes the suit out of his hands and Tooru smiles brightly while nodding. "Just a second then," he says before turning to the stranger. “Wakatoshi already picked your suit.”</p><p>“Why do you always take his side?” The strangers complains, but follows ‘Kita’s' order right away, disappearing to the back. Tooru doesn't get to see the stranger again and instead just tries on the suit, decides he looks great and purchases it before thanking Kita for his great costumer service. He shows Kuroo the suit that same day and he absolutely hates it so he decides he made the right choice.</p><p>The photoshoot gets cancelled, much to everyone but Kuroo's delight. Turns out Akaashi and Bokuto had hated the idea since the beginning and were only agreeing to it because of Bokuto's family. Bokuto's rich, important, and <em>busy </em>family since it turns out his grandparents and his father wont be making it to the wedding after all, so there is no need for a family photoshoot with both Akaashi and Bokuto’s family absent.</p><p>Bokuto says he doesn't care. He says they did the same thing for one of his cousins' wedding. Akaashi admits he has never actually met Bokuto's parents and yeah, Tooru is kind of glad he can bond with Bokuto over shitty rich parents.</p><p>Instead of the photoshoot, Akaashi and Bokuto disappear for the first half of the day to spend time with Bokuto's brother at some villa up north. When they return all exhausted and ready to head to bed, Kuroo and Tsukishima drag them over to Atsumu's to have some drinks and to double check they still plan on going with the whole wedding.</p><p>It's ridiculous how in love they are. How after just a few months they are so ready to share the rest of their lives together. Tooru mocks them countless times, especially considering they seem to enjoy the fact that they get teased for being so lovey-dovey. The wedding is in just a week and Tooru is just as excited as everyone else but there is this feeling creeping in his heart and Tooru has to take a cold shower to wash that jealousy away.</p><p>He calls Osamu, asking if he will be his date for the wedding and Osamu laughs, saying there was no need to ask because <em>duh.</em> Tooru feels a little better but has trouble sleeping nonetheless.</p><p>The wedding day comes and Tooru has to make his way to the wedding via taxi because Atsumu went to pick up Sakusa and Osamu lives a block away from where the ceremony is taking place, so there is no point in him driving all the way to just pick him up. Tooru gets there early, in fact, so early he is the only one there until Osamu arrives.</p><p>They find the best seats, making sure to leave Tsukishima and Kuroo the corner seat where the speakers cover half their view (they are tall, anyways, they’ll manage). They sit admiring the decorations before someone else walks in the hall and Tooru finds himself looking at the same man that helped him pick his suit; Kita. He recognizes Tooru, commenting on his great looking suit before introducing himself as Bokuto's cousin.</p><p>Osamu swoons over Kita as they both watch him ordering people around in order to make everything perfect. More people start showing up and Tooru can't deny it's entertaining watching Kita (who's short and cute-looking) order grown ass men into taking a seat and shutting up because the ceremony can start any second.</p><p>Atsumu and Sakusa arrive at some point and Osamu and Tooru take the opportunity to tease them about when their wedding is going to take place. Atsumu blushes while Sakusa tries to look unperturbed. Tooru thinks he is also blushing under his mask but him and Sakusa have established a friendship over their mutual understanding of <em>‘minding-my-own-business’ </em>so Tooru doesn’t bring it up. Instead, Osamu continues to tease his brother and they eventually start cussing at each other until someone takes a seat right next to Sakusa, almost basically collapsing with clear exhaustion.</p><p>Tooru has to blink twice to make sure his eyes aren't playing a trick on him and it is in fact the spiky hair stranger.</p><p>"What happened to ya?" Atsumu asks in a tone that screams <em>friends </em>and Tooru is suddenly really confused.</p><p>"Kou called last night and cried for hours about being happy." The stranger groans, eyes closed while head resting on Sakusa's shoulder. "I got two hours of sleep." Atsumu and Osamu laugh while Sakusa pats his thigh and Tooru is just staring. The stranger opens his eyes to glare at them for laughing when he seems to finally notice Tooru's presence. He blinks, much like Tooru had a few seconds ago and then points at him, "you're wearing my suit."</p><p>"It's my suit!" Tooru says and then shuts his mouth. He frowns, eyes narrowing, "who are you?" It seems like an appropriate question because this is the third time he is seeing the spiky hair stranger and Tooru has to stop the words <em>'are you stalking me' </em>from escaping his mouth because the stranger obviously knows the twins and Sakusa so he can't be a stalker. His friends would know and they would warn him,<em> right?</em></p><p>“Iwaizumi." The stranger deadpans and crosses his arms, "who are <em>you</em>?"</p><p>“Oikawa.” Tooru says with the same bite in his tone, all the while trying to remember where exactly he heard the name Iwaizumi before.</p><p>"That's your friend that dies every other month in America?" Iwaizumi asks Atsumu, and Tooru glares daggers hopping they will do some harm to Atsumu's dumb face. So he loses contact with his friends once in a while. That does not mean they can tell people he died.</p><p>“Oikawa, meet Bokuto's cousin, Hajime. Iwaizumi, meet my <em>alive</em> best friend, Tooru. Please don't become friends cuz I feel like that’ll ruin my life.” Tooru arches an eyebrow while Iwaizumi snorts and then the conversation basically dies after that.</p><p>Eventually Kuroo shows up with Tsukishima a few steps behind. They try switching seats with Atsumu and Sakusa but they refuse to move from their spots and Kuroo and Tsukishima are forced to sit in the seats Osamu and Tooru had originally left for them. Kuroo is grumpy though he stays silent because Kita is keeping a close eye on him as he settles the last arrangements for the ceremony.</p><p>Tooru takes a look around and notices the hall is mostly full. There is another person he has never met before standing next to Kita ordering people to keep quiet and that guy has to be one of the most stoic looking person Tooru has ever seen. Though he does have a stupid handsome face and a body that rivals Bokuto’s. Kita and him do a good job in keeping everybody in place and eventually they too take a seat when the lights dim and a few awed gasps are heard across the room.</p><p>Tooru looks back towards the doors to notice both Akaashi and Bokuto standing near the entrance. He catches Iwaizumi's spiky hair as said man moves his head to block his view. Tooru frowns, turning back to face the front and he hears a chuckle more annoying than Atsumu's.</p><p>"How didja two meet?" Osamu whispers because of course he notices everything. Tooru tells him about the ice cream shop and the suit store and Osamu does nothing but smile cunningly and Tooru would honestly hit him but the ceremony is starting and—</p><p>It's perfect.</p><p>Even though it’s just a paper Bokuto and Akaashi are signing that holds no real relevance in Japan, it’s perfect.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru takes a flight back to America the same day Akaashi and Bokuto head to Europe for their honeymoon. He comes back to an empty apartment and a week of nothing to do until he has to go back to work. He watches movies and looks over pictures of the wedding for that week. He thinks about the wedding and Bokuto and Akaashi's vows.</p><p>He thinks about the meaning of love and Tooru decides love is overrated.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Two months fly and maybe Tooru can finally hold a short conversation in English (he is also secretly almost fluent in Spanish).</p><p>He is on his way to a meeting where he will be presenting the reports Mr. Irihata assigned him —in English— when he gets a call from his father. The conversation is short. His father calls out his name, makes sure he is listening and then tells him his mother had a heart attack and is now in intensive care. Tooru barely gets a word out, his father hangs up, and he is left with so many questions.</p><p>He doesn't know what to feel, what to do. He does the presentation, hears the applause and then he is leaving. He makes it to his office, writes down a note for Mr. Irihata and goes home. It takes him thirty minutes to shower and pack a bag. He makes it to the airport before the sun sets and he is lucky enough to find a last minute flight to Tokyo.</p><p>He arrives the next day in the afternoon. He grabs his bag, stops a taxi and gives the directions of the hospital. It's when Tooru is five minutes away that his father’s secretary calls to tell him his mother passed away. Tooru stops the cab, gets off at an unknown street and walks until he finds a hotel. He stays there for two days and ignores every call he gets.</p><p>His mother's funeral is private and his father does a fantastic job at keeping the paparazzi away. He greets Tooru with cold eyes and refuses to say anything to him for the whole ceremony. Tooru himself tries to blend with the crowed and avoids being noticed by any familiar face.</p><p>"You could have dressed better." His father says at some point in the night.</p><p>Tooru looks over his black pants and black jacket and says, “this is all I brought." His father scoffs and turns away, not meeting Tooru's eyes for the rest of the night.</p><p>He leaves the funeral feeling numb. Tooru walks for a good hour, taking random turns in streets at the core of Tokyo. He gets thirsty and hungry at some point so he asks a stranger to point him towards the direction of his hotel and so Tooru spends one more hour walking.</p><p>He bumps into Iwaizumi at a convenience store a block away from his hotel. Tooru would find it funny if he had been in a better state of mind.</p><p>Iwaizumi looks at him surprised before a look of pity covers his features and Tooru knows he knows. He lets Iwaizumi drag him to a coffee shop and he lets Iwaizumi fill the silence with childish nonsense. He doesn't ask Tooru about anything. Doesn’t even expect him to talk.</p><p>Tooru offers nothing but nods and smiles and then finally Iwaizumi says it's getting late and tells him he is heading out. "Don't tell anyone you saw me." Tooru manages to say.</p><p>"I wont." Iwaizumi mutters after a beat of silence. “Promise."</p><p>Tooru takes a flight back to America the next day. He answers a call from Kuroo a week later and Kuroo doesn't mention anything about him not telling them he flew to Japan. Tooru smiles for a second, pleased that Iwaizumi had kept his promise.</p><p>-o-</p><p><em>"If you had been here it wouldn't have happened! All your mom talked about was you. She spent her last few weeks crying over you. You stupid kid. You ungrateful brat. This is all your fault." </em>His father's voicemail is bitter, cold and harsh. He is drunk, Tooru can tell by the slurs, but it hurts nonetheless. His father was the most honest when drunk, anyways. <em>"She only wanted what's best for you. She wanted you home. After everything she gave you, you killed her."</em></p><p>-o-</p><p>Three months pass and Mr. Irihata finally sits Tooru down for an important conversation. Tooru saw it coming but that doesn't mean he was prepared in any way.</p><p>"I'm giving you six months, son." Mr. Irihata says, Tooru's throat clogs. “Go home. Take some time for yourself."</p><p>"I—"</p><p>"You need to get better. You're not in the right state of mind. You look like a zombie, son." Mr. Irihata carefully explains. ”I can't stand seeing you like this. Six months. Just spend it with friends and family. It will do you good. Your place in this company is secured. I'm not taking a no for an answer."</p><p>Tooru clenches his fists and shuts his mouth tightly in order to not bash out at his boss. He signs a few papers without a comment and takes some important stuff from his office. When he gets to his apartment he drinks all the alcohol he has and ends the night with throwing the bottles all around the apartment.</p><p>He flies to Japan and the first thing he does is go to Atsumu.</p><p>He can't stay with Atsumu because the first thing Atsumu tells him is that Sakusa will be moving in with him and Tooru has to fake a smile before he confesses he is in a six month leave and needs a place to stay.</p><p>Atsumu freaks out. Demanding to be told what the hell happened. He mentions Tooru's mom and when he notices the way Tooru flinches, quickly drops the subject. Tooru brings up the conversation with Mr. Irihata and then proceeds on cursing his stupid employer for not minding his own fucking business.</p><p>He breaks down then, crying on Atsumu's shoulders over everything. Atsumu tries to get Tooru to open up a bit more and to be more specific but fails when all Tooru does is shake his head. Tooru thinks about his jealousy. Thinks about that void in his heart. Thinks about not liking his life. Thinks about his dead mother and how it's all his fucking fault and he cries, body shaking with anger and desperation. Atsumu whispers <em>'it's gonna be okay,'</em> and Tooru falls asleep thinking <em>no, nothing will ever be okay.</em></p><p>-o-</p><p>"Stay with me." Iwaizumi says when he wakes Tooru up the next day.</p><p>Tooru has a million questions running through his head. <em>Why is Iwaizumi here? What the fuck? Where am I? Can he see my face? What? </em>He has a million thoughts yelling; <em>Kill Atsumu. Kick Iwaizumi out. This kid is definitely stalking me.</em> But most importantly he has a million problems so he says, “okay."</p><p>He is tired both physically and mentally and at least now he has a place to stay for the next six months.</p><p>-o-</p><p>It's with mild excitement that Tooru gets into Iwaizumi's car and lets him drive them to the place he will call home for the next six months. They don't talk much during the ride. Tooru is mostly thinking about how he doesn't even know Iwaizumi and he is trying to figure out alternative solutions because he can't actually stay with a stranger for six months, they haven’t even properly discussed it. Iwaizumi had just gone on and on about him wanting to help and that his apartment was big and that he could use the company.</p><p>Of course, Atsumu and Sakusa had been around and had wasted no time in siding with Iwaizumi. “It's perfect, ya two will get along just fine.” Atsumu had said and Tooru thinks back to Akaashi's wedding and how Atsumu had originally disliked the idea of him and Iwaizumi being anything other than acquaintances. “Hajime was looking for a roommate anyways.” Sakusa had brought up, not sounding convincing in the slightest. Regardless, Tooru had found their arguments valid and here he is, watching Iwaizumi park the car at the back of the only big building on the street.</p><p>There are seven floors, two apartments in each floor. Iwaizumi tells him about his neighbours as he helps Tooru carry his bag towards the back door. Apparently they are all nice and old and should have no problem with Tooru. Iwaizumi promises to talk to the landlord to tell him about the recent arrangements and Tooru just nods along, feeling overwhelmed and overall exhausted.</p><p>"Here we are." Iwaizumi says, opening the door to the apartment on the right of the first floor. Tooru is thankful he wont be needing to use the stairs like he had in America. Iwaizumi walks in the apartment, drops the keys on a side table and heads straight down the hall. Tooru follows quickly glancing around as they pass the living room, kitchen, a study room and then they are walking down a small hall that leads to three closed doors. "Bathroom in the middle, my room is to the right and here," Iwaizumi says opening the left door, "is the guest room. Your room."</p><p>The room is big, scratch that, Iwaizumi's apartment is big. Tooru didn't quite expect that considering all the people he knows have a habit of getting places too small for one person, never mind two. "Nice." Tooru says when he notices Iwaizumi looking at him expectantly. "Are you a baseball player?"</p><p>Okay, so it's a question he had been meaning to ask the moment he saw Iwaizumi at the wedding. The spiky hair is definitely the main supporting factor to his assumption (helmets cause spiky hair, right?). The black Audi he drives is also a good clue. And now this big apartment with fancy looking furniture... he has to be rich right? Iwaizumi also has the body of an athlete and since he is not on the tall side he can’t be a basketball player and—</p><p>And Iwaizumi is laughing at him.</p><p>"It's not funny," Tooru mumbles, taking his bag from Iwaizumi.</p><p>"Sorry, I just," laugh laugh laugh, "I just wasn't expecting that." Iwaizumi smiles brightly at him and Tooru suddenly feels breathless. "I'm not a baseball player. I—Why did you even...?"</p><p>"Forget it." Tooru snaps, feeling guilty when Iwaizumi's smile falters. "Thank you, for you know, everything." Tooru nods, biting his lip. ”Yeah, thanks. I'm just going to..."</p><p>"Right." Iwaizumi blinks, smile tight, "I'll leave you to unpack. I have to go out anyways and just, there is food in the fridge and you can use anything you like and," Iwaizumi makes a popping sound with his mouth, "this is your place too, okay?"</p><p>"Thanks." Tooru says one last time and Iwaizumi is walking out of the room, closing the door behind him, leaving a very confused Tooru. Who even is this Iwaizumi?</p><p>He asks Kuroo that when he calls him an hour later and instead of an answer he gets yelled at for going to Atsumu first instead of him. It's weird, that Kuroo is giving him so much shit. He usually does, but not when something like getting laid off for six months happens. Tooru tells Kuroo he is a shitty friend and that just results in more yelling and at some point Tsukishima takes the phone away and Tooru finds himself hearing Tsukishima have a breakdown.</p><p><em>"They want me to go to Canada to study." </em>Tsukishima says and his voice is like a whisper and Tooru knows Kuroo has left the room because there is no yelling. <em>"They told me I have to learn English and maybe start a life there and— Tooru, what should I do?"</em></p><p>“How's Tetsu?" Tooru asks instead because he doesn't know what to tell Tsukishima.</p><p>Tsukishima goes silent and Tooru can hear his heavy breathing. <em>"He is not taking it well."</em> Is what he mumbles and yeah, Tooru kind of figured.</p><p>“So, you’re going?" Tooru knows Tsukishima's parents, know the influence they have on his son. <em>Of course he is going.</em> “For how long?"</p><p><em>"Two years they say, but I—“ </em>a shaky laugh. <em>”I don't want to go. Not when things are so perfect."</em></p><p>Tooru's heart sinks a little because Tsukishima is the youngest in their group of friends and he has always been someone that’s greatly influenced by his emotions, he follows his heart, even though he tries his hardest to appear otherwise. Tsukishima is always the one with a frown on his face, or a sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue but he never says no, afraid of disappointing someone. Not to his friends, not to his family. Tooru could understand how hard this must be for him.</p><p>Tsukishima can't say no to his parents but saying yes would mean leaving Kuroo and Kuroo—</p><p>Kuroo has never had it easy.</p><p>He came to Tokyo with his family when he was only five years old. At the age of ten he was left in the care of a family friend after his mother abandoned them and his father had to go back to their hometown to look after his parents. There wasn’t much of a future waiting for Kuroo in his hometown, so staying in Tokyo with the family friend had seemed like the perfect solution. It was, until it became clear that the friend was interested in Kuroo in ways that were illegal. Kuroo’s teenage years were all about court cases and foster homes.</p><p>Then he turned eighteen and since then, Kuroo has been living by himself; fending for himself. Tooru greatly admires him for that. Kuroo always had the support of his friends, always had his father a call away. Kuroo wasn't exactly alone, much like Tooru but—</p><p>They were alone. Tooru in his own selfish way of wanting to be alone. Of hating his life and avoiding people because he enjoyed solitude even though it did nothing but harm him. And Kuroo in the unavoidable way. No matter how many friends he had or how many times he could call his father and grandparents, by the end of the day, Kuroo was living by himself, in a one bedroom apartment, surviving every day by his own efforts.</p><p>But Tooru's loneliness slowly destroyed his life while Kuroo's loneliness just made him stronger.</p><p>Tsukishima was a pillar in Kuroo's life, that much everyone knew. Tsukishima had been the support Kuroo always needed to get by. Yes, he did everything by himself, but it was all thanks to Tsukishima's encouragements. And since they started dating, their relationship has only grown stronger. Tooru didn't know the details, but if Tsukishima is one to follow his heart, then Kuroo might as well be the heart.</p><p>"Have you thought about what this will do in the long run?" Tooru asks a second or two after he hears Tsukishima choke back tears.</p><p>
  <em>"I know why my parents want this for me. I know it's a good idea. I mean logically, this is for the better. But I can't. I have everything I need already. I wish they would understand.”</em>
</p><p>Tooru doesn't know what it is but something inside him snaps, and it's not because of Tsukishima, or anything he said, it's just that the words were passing his mind and then; "Don't throw away your future for a teenage fling." The words sound bitter and hurtful and the moment they leave Tooru's mouth is the moment he regrets them. "I didn’t—"</p><p><em>"You know.” </em>Tsukishima starts, tone deep and Tooru can almost hear him gritting his teeth. <em>"I never took you for a hypocrite."</em> Tooru's hands form fists. <em>"You never threw your future for a teenage </em>fling<em> but," </em>Tsukishima laughs, <em>"you did throw it away for absolutely nothing."</em></p><p>"I didn't throw my future away." Tooru hisses, heartbeat quickening.</p><p><em>"You threw away everything you loved with the excuse being that you had no choice. That your parents were getting in the way but Oikawa-</em>san, <em>you and I both know you just gave up."</em> Tooru can hear noise in the background and then he hears Kuroo's voice asking Tsukishima whats going on. <em>”You gave up on everything because that’s who you are."</em></p><p>"You don’t—"</p><p><em>"You just don't care, Oikawa." </em>Kuroo is yelling in the background, asking Tsukishima to give him the phone and Tsukishima himself is breathing heavily, frustration and anger evident while Tooru is frozen with the phone in his hand, hearing every word crystal clear. <em>”You don't care about your dreams, you don’t care about your future, you don’t care about your family— you don’t even care about your friends. No matter how much we try, you never put the slightest effort. You're so fucking ungrateful."</em></p><p><em>“Kei!” </em>Kuroo yells and Tooru listens as the phone is fought for and then; <em>"Oikawa, are you there? Tooru?" </em>Kuroo is shouting but Tooru,</p><p>Tooru drops the phone. He is breathing heavily and he staring into space while the words just echo through his head.</p><p>
  <em>You just don't care.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You're so fucking ungrateful.</em>
</p><p>Ungrateful. Tooru knows he is ungrateful.</p><p>
  <em>You stupid kid. You ungrateful brat. This is all your fault. She only wanted what's best for you. She wanted you home. After everything she gave you, you killed her.</em>
</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru tries reaching his father for two days straight but every call is rejected. Tooru is desperate. Desperate for what exactly, he is not sure. But he wants to talk to his father. He wants to tell him something and it's frustrating, having someone want nothing to do with you. Having someone try their hardest to avoid you.</p><p>His friends are avoiding him as well, or at least Tooru is avoiding them and they are not trying any harder to get in touch with him. Iwaizumi is the only one willing to talk to him and Tooru fears it's mostly because Tooru just recently moved in and thus still needs help with figuring things out around the house. Other than that, Atsumu is the only one that bothered sending him a text, asking what the hell had happened with Tsukishima. Tooru hadn't bothered replying and three hours later he got another text saying he heard the details from Kuroo and that he was <em>disappointed.</em></p><p>And Tooru didn't need that. He didn't need his friend's disappointment. He needs support, he needs his understanding and no matter how selfish it sounds, Tooru needs someone to agree with him, to be on his side, to defend him even though everything Tsukishima had said had been right. Tooru wants someone to tell him he didn't just throw things away. But, he did.</p><p>He threw medicine away when his parents refused to support him, forcing him to take business instead. Half way through university he threw away volleyball because he couldn’t afford paying for school without his parent's help and they wanted him nowhere near sports because that meant he could spend more time with his friend. Tooru didn't need friends, his father would always say, friends just hold you back.</p><p>"They don't, you know." Iwaizumi says because he is back from work and apparently Tooru thinks out loud. "Friends don’t hold you back.” Tooru says nothing as Iwaizumi hangs his jacket by the door and starts walking towards his room. ”They have your back."</p><p>Tooru thinks; maybe, and then reasons he doesn't really deserve any of his friends.</p><p>-o-</p><p>When he finally shows up at Shira Enterprises, it's not because he finally found the courage to do so but because an article has made the front page of the local newspaper with the words 'Seijoh Consolidated' and 'Oikawa Tooru' and 'son of the widower' bold and covering half the page.</p><p>Iwaizumi is the one who shows it to him, right before leaving for work. He wakes Tooru up, looking pale and wide eyed, and Tooru want's to bring up how they aren't really friends and he shouldn't just walk inside his room and shake his shoulder until he wakes, but he doesn’t get to because he catches sight of the newspaper Iwaizumi is holding and his heart sinks. "Mrs. Li gave me all the papers from the building, she didn't want anyone else to see." Iwaizumi says and Tooru barely remembers the second floor landlord but he is eternally grateful. "I just thought you should know that Shira Enterprises called the newspaper and they stopped publication but—”</p><p>Tooru dismisses him, reminding Iwaizumi he is going to be late for work and when Iwaizumi finally leaves Tooru finds the energy to act.</p><p>Which is why he is standing now outside his fathers office. He is getting odd looks from the secretary, and a few men that are passing by are obviously whispering about him and Tooru feels so small. He feels judged and misunderstood and he wants to yell the word 'unfair' but he fears to hear the word 'karma' being yelled back at him.</p><p>"You may go inside." The secretary tells him the moment she gets a call from his father. He nods, opening the door of the office he remembers as being the main battleground. It's this office that Tooru spent his time rebelling against his father. It's this office where Tooru often delivered bad news. It's this office where Tooru told his father he didn't want to work for Shira Enterprises, he wanted to find his own job.</p><p>“Father—"</p><p>"This is all you wanted, right?" His father starts, newspaper in hand, "to humiliate me."</p><p>"That isn’t—"</p><p>"You wanted people to laugh at me. To ruin everything I worked for. To tarnish your mothers image." His father throws the newspaper at him, hitting him on the chest. Tooru flinches, dropping his gaze. "Did we mean nothing to you? Everything! Absolutely everything I did, I did it for you!" <em>That's not true,</em> Tooru wants to scream. "Your mother had such high hopes for you! She sacrificed her position in this company to raise you right and what do you do?</p><p>You slap her right in the face! You take everything she ever taught you and make a mockery out of it! She should have never trusted you so much! She should have never put her faith in you." <em>Stop, stop, stop.</em> "All she wanted—all <em>I</em> wanted; was to see you succeed. She wanted what's best for you, and you, you ungrateful bastard! You killed her with your irresponsibility and selfishness!" His father is screaming now, loud enough that he is sure everyone outside can hear every word. Tooru himself doesn't only hear the words, but he feels them cut deep in him. Every word is like a bullet heading straight for his heart.</p><p>Every word is a truth Tooru want's to desperately deny.</p><p>"I knew you would amount to nothing when you became friends with that kid. His family,<em> tch, </em>nothing but beggars. I thought paying them off would get rid of him, even if only one of them took the bait, but no, persistent little shit.” Kuroo, his dad is talking about Kuroo. But... paying them off? What? One of them? “The whore left but that old man was still around—ah, but he also left.” His father laughs humourlessly, “And he left his kid. How stupid. Even after all that—I should have handled him accordingly. But your mother, she was always on your side. She insisted you needed some freedom.”</p><p>
  <em>What are you saying?</em>
</p><p>“Then that family came. Another failed attempt." His father snorts and Tooru's heart is sinking because he has to be talking about the Miya’s and the only thing he can think about is— “I took down their business but they stayed. Against all odds. Unbelievable. ” Tooru met the twins a year after they moved to Tokyo. They were from a humble family from the Kansai region of Honshu. Their parents owned a small restaurant that barely lasted a few months before they had to close it down. That was the beginning of their economic struggles. The beginning of their family falling apart. “They had no business, no jobs, no money and they refused my help. All for what? For <em>you?</em>”</p><p>It shouldn't be that shocking. Of course his father would do anything to get rid of things and people he didn't like. Tooru doesn't think he is one of those people to kill, but paying people? That, he can believe. And he feels so stupid for not knowing beforehand. Tooru wants this to be a dream— a nightmare. He wants to place his hands over his ears and to wake up. It's funny, how words can hurt so much. How hearing his dad confess all those things and for Tooru to believe him, yet, there is this feelings of helplessness that washes over him and he feels—</p><p>Indifferent.</p><p><em>What can I do? </em>Knowing that it's his father who ruined the lives of his friends. His friends’ families. What can he do?</p><p>Did he ask for this?</p><p>Is this his fault?</p><p>"I want you out of my sight."</p><p>Tooru leaves the office without uttering another word. The voice of his father echoes in his head as he puts in the pieces together and comes to term that everything, absolutely all that shit his friends have gone through— it's all his fault. Everything is his fault.</p><p>He breathes heavily as he makes his way across the street, his feet moving without much thought as to where he is going. He avoids a few reporters by simply walking away, even though they yell out <em>Tooru,</em> and <em>Mr. Oikawa </em>and then when they say his mother's name, Tooru has enough and begins running.</p><p>He ends up at a park. Lungs burning, throat sore and his cheeks with trails of dried tears. He stays there for an hour before he makes his way back to Iwaizumi's apartment feeling lifeless.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He wakes up the day after feeling numb.</p><p>The conversation he had with his father plays on his mind for a bit, the information he received causing discomfort in his gut, but Tooru decides to do little about it. He goes for his usual approach on things, and decides that avoiding the problem is the solution. He is not ready to confront anything or anybody, he is barely ready to face his life. He has at least five months to kill and all Tooru wants to do is sleep until it's time to go back to work.</p><p>Tooru makes his way to the kitchen earlier than usual and manages to catch Iwaizumi eating cereal. They exchange greetings, Iwaizumi nodding his head in acknowledgement as Tooru just attempts to smile. He isn't feeling hungry, but he reaches for a bowl anyways, sitting down in front of Iwaizumi and serving himself cereal.</p><p>It's awkward, mostly because since Tooru has moved in, they have hardly had any conversations. Iwaizumi is a busy guy and Tooru is just not interested in talking. So he really shocks himself when he is the one that breaks the silence, mostly because the last thing Tooru needs is silence to encourage his mind to think.</p><p>"Do you work all day?" Iwaizumi lifts his head, locking eyes with Tooru looking confused, "I mean, you are never really here." And of course Tooru would know that because he is always here.</p><p>"I have two jobs." Iwaizumi says with a smile, lifting the bowl to drink the rest of the milk. "I'm usually home by nine."</p><p>Tooru nods, feeling curious. "Do you work for a car company?" Tooru can't see Iwaizumi working in an office, not with the hair he has or the body. There is no way he has a crappy part time job, not with the apartment he lives in. So yeah, Iwaizumi being a car salesman makes sense, especially with the car he drives.</p><p>"I'm a dance teacher." Iwaizumi says instead and Tooru almost chokes on his cereal. "I teach kids in the mornings."</p><p>"And do you rob banks at night?" Tooru says without thinking because all he can think about is how teachers don't get paid enough and there is no way Iwaizumi gets by with a teacher's salary.</p><p>Iwaizumi laughs, brightly, teeth showing and eyes crinkled. "I perform at night." Tooru raises an eyebrow and narrows his eyes. Iwaizumi splutters. "At a theatre! I perform in plays, PG rated plays.”</p><p>Tooru thinks that it would be easier to believe Iwaizumi is a stripper. "You bought a car with those jobs." Tooru knows he sounds kind of vile, but he doesn't actually mean to be such an asshole. He is genuinely curious, he just doesn't know how to word things nicely.</p><p>Thankfully, Iwaizumi is being really, really nice and doesn't call Tooru out on his rudeness. Instead he blushes, and looks away, “my father bought me the car."</p><p>Iwaizumi coming from a rich family is nothing new, though Tooru never thought Iwaizumi would be the spoiled type. "They pay for the apartment, too?"</p><p>Iwaizumi stiffens for a second but then shrugs and shakes his head, "it was a gift." He doesn't elaborate and Tooru doesn't ask him to.</p><p>Iwaizumi stands from his spot, letting Tooru finish his cereal in peace. Tooru watches Iwaizumi pace around the kitchen before finally getting all his things together and moving to grab his jacket. Before Iwaizumi walks out of the apartment, he places a flyer in front of Tooru, looking sheepish. "There is a free show tonight, if you want to come." He doesn't wait for Tooru's response, and just bolts out of the apartment.</p><p>Tooru doesn't think much about it. He leaves the flyer where Iwaizumi left it and goes on with his day. He does nothing, of course, because there is nothing there for him to do. Since Iwaizumi said he could stay in the apartment without paying rent, he has no motivation to get a job. Since his friends sort of hate him and he now carries the guilt his dad threw at him with his confessions, there is no chance in hell Tooru will be contacting anyone.</p><p>Tooru is as alone as ever and he is fine with that. Spending the whole day watching YouTube videos and eating is fine.</p><p>When lunch time comes around, he wonders for a second if Iwaizumi would be back to cook or something. Then he remembers he has never actually seen Iwaizumi eat lunch at the apartment. He makes a mental note on asking him about that later, even though he doesn't understand why he even cares.</p><p>By fate does Tooru glance at the flyer at around four. The bold letters stating doors open at five is what has him grabbing the flyer and his jacket. It's not that cold, but somehow Tooru still finds the weather a pain as he walks to the theatre. It looks like it's going to rain later, and the last thing Tooru wants is to walk in the rain but he mentally shrugs, hoping the play or whatever is worth it. Especially considering it's a fifty minute walk to the theatre.</p><p>The theatre is packed when he gets there at five ten, he doesn't know if it's because it's a free show or because the shows are regularly popular. For some reason, he hopes it's the latter and he concludes he only feels that way because he is thankful Iwaizumi is letting him stay in his apartment and he wouldn’t want Iwaizumi to get fired or something because of low sales.</p><p>Tooru strategically sneaks his way through the lines and manages to snatch a seat in the middle row. The stage is not far and by the way people glare, he guesses it's a good spot.</p><p>It takes thirty minutes for everyone to get seated, some people even sitting on the floor. Tooru spends those minutes playing on his phone and when the lights dim out, he puts it away after a lady yells at him. A man comes out to introduce the play, but the mic is kind of shitty so all Tooru really hears is 'Peter Pan' and 'remake' and 'comedy' and then the lights go off and music begins.</p><p>Tooru is captivated by the first act.</p><p>The colours, the outfits, the scenario, the music, everything. Absolutely everything is so imperfect and rare and in contrast with each other but it all surprisingly fits. The audience's reaction also manages to somehow make everything better. The fact that the play can get everyone to react accordingly has Tooru in awe.</p><p>He completely forgets why he is there in the first place until the second act and Captain Hook makes an appearance and oh, Iwaizumi.</p><p>Tooru's heart does this weird excited flip, because hey, he knows one of the main characters and then an even bigger flip because oh, Iwaizumi is so fucking talented.</p><p>Tooru had absolutely no idea Iwaizumi could do any of that. The dancing, the acting, the singing, the looking ridiculously un-real. Iwaizumi looks tall and confident and he plays his part without a care in the world and Tooru finds himself questioning why he never noticed just how unique he is.</p><p>And the people love him, if the screams are anything to go by. Every time Iwaizumi does anything that puts him in the spotlight, the girls swoon while every male present sighs in resignation. The chemistry between Captain Hook and Peter Pan is also something to be in awe with. Tooru doesn't know how, but he is laughing alongside the audience and he is so intrigued with what is happening, because all though he knows the story of <em>Peter Pan</em>, this reenact of the story is different. It's funny and daring and the dancing just adds to the angst that sneaks in through the character’s back story.</p><p>In all, it's a masterpiece and Tooru does clap loudly at the end of the show.</p><p>He is in a daze when he exits the theatre. Everyone is talking about the show, mostly commenting on Peter Pan and Wendy's ending kiss. The older crowd talks about the music and dancing and suddenly Tooru's hand is itching to reach his phone so he can maybe call Kuroo or Osamu and he can maybe tell them about the way his heart followed the play intensely but. But he can't actually do that.</p><p>No when they hate him. Not when he hates himself. Not when he knows he is responsible for all the hardship his friend's experienced.</p><p>"Oikawa!" He hears and turns to find Iwaizumi rushing towards him as he drags a tall guy along with him. "You came!"</p><p>"I came." He says to keep it short so he doesn't begin talking because all he has to say are praises right now and they would sound extremely embarrassing, especially because there is this presumptuous-looking theatre guy staring at him with lazy and sly eyes and for some reason, Tooru feel like he should run.</p><p>"Did you like it?" Iwaizumi asks and before Tooru can even process the question the guy he dragged along elbows Iwaizumi, causing him to yelp. "Ow!" Iwaizumi hisses, sending a glare to the guy before rolling his eyes "Oikawa, meet my friend, Suna Rintarou."</p><p>"Best friend." Suna corrects staring at Tooru with narrowed eyes. "I've heard about you, <em>tall and handsome</em>, nice to finally meet you."</p><p>Tooru nods because it's not like he can say 'I’ve heard a lot about you too' because he hasn’t. But Tooru has a feeling that's mostly because he has been very antisocial. Instead though, Tooru does manage to utter, "you're Peter Pan," because this is definitely the same guy that was just dancing around the stage while singing with a perfect pitch.</p><p>"That I am." Suna grins, putting an arm around Tooru's shoulders and Tooru doesn't know why but he feels like this is a defining moment. Like <em>something </em>is going to change after this. "So Oikawa, let’s go for drinks."</p><p>-o-</p><p>They didn't go for drinks, they went for food because Iwaizumi was starving and needed food, not alcohol (because “Suna, every time we go out you get drunk and I starve and then you embarrass me and—“ “—I get it, I get it. Shut up”) and they spend four hours at a restaurant before Tooru catches a ride with Iwaizumi and they wave goodbye to Suna and Suna yells something about keeping in touch.</p><p>The next day Suna texts Tooru four times. The day after that, Suna calls and leaves voice messages and another four texts. The day after, Suna texts Tooru pictures of trees the whole day. On the fourth day of his phone buzzing constantly, Tooru catches Iwaizumi before he leaves to work and demands to know how to get rid of Suna.</p><p>"You can't get rid of him." Iwaizumi states seriously before leaving with urgency. What he doesn't' know is that Tooru dropped his phone in Iwaizumi's coat pocket.</p><p>He spends the day watching plays on YouTube. He has been doing that for the past four days. He asked Iwaizumi for a few recommendations and he is glad Iwaizumi never bothered to bring up the fact that Tooru knew more about music than the average person. He is also glad Iwaizumi humbly took the ''it was great' comment Tooru threw at him offhandedly. Iwaizumi didn't brag or nag about his talent and Tooru respects that.</p><p>Iwaizumi gets back home for lunch, and Tooru doesn't even apologize when he throws his phone at him and says, "I gave you Suna, you can't just give him back."</p><p>"I thought he was your best friend."</p><p>“We can share." Iwaizumi retorts and then there is the sound of the front door slamming and Suna walks in scowling.</p><p>"You can't just give me away." Suna hisses ignoring Iwaizumi's panic over his maybe broken door. "And you," Suna stares at Tooru, "you can't just ignore me. Do you know who I am? I can't be ignored."</p><p>"Don't you have other friends to annoy?"</p><p>"Don't you?"</p><p>Tooru bites his lip, "I don't annoy my friends."</p><p>"You just piss them off."</p><p>"Rin!" Iwaizumi snaps and Tooru blinks.</p><p>"What's that suppose to mean?"</p><p>"Nothing!" Iwaizumi splutters and Suna gives him an unamused look. "Rintarou." Iwaizumi warns.</p><p>"It means you're an asshole, big guy. When are you going to apologize?"</p><p><em>Why does Suna know? </em>Tooru thinks and out loud he says; "why do you care?"</p><p>"I care because I have to hear it from Samu—”</p><p>"Rin." Iwaizumi interrupts and Suna shuts up.</p><p>Tooru freezes, feeling something horrible digging at his gut. "You know Osamu?"</p><p>"We are friends." Suna snaps and before Tooru can ask him to elaborate on their friendship, he leaves, heading towards Iwaizumi's room. "Call me when there is food."</p><p>Tooru glances at Iwaizumi, who is avoiding locking eyes with him. "How does he know Osamu?" He asks, trying to remember how Iwaizumi might know Osamu. He thinks Akaashi's wedding.</p><p>"They had common high school friends?" Iwaizumi responds, sounding unsure. "Oikawa, just ignore what he said."</p><p>"Which part?" Tooru grits. "Do you guys talk about me all the time? Talk about how much of an ungrateful friend I am? Does everyone talk shit about me being an asshole?" Tooru knows that the words he is spitting at Iwaizumi are uncalled for. He knows he is being irrational. He knows Iwaizumi doesn't deserve any of that.</p><p>Which is why he leaves before Iwaizumi can even respond.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He doesn't apologize the next day. Or the day after.</p><p>On the third day, Iwaizumi makes him breakfast with a wide smile and Tooru is grateful they are going to act like nothing happened. He eats breakfast while conversing with Iwaizumi. Small talk mostly.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He wakes up on Friday from a nightmare, and the first thing he thinks is<em> mom,</em> and then his heart sinks because she is gone.</p><p>It hits him then, that he hasn't visit his mothers grave. He hasn't paid his respects. He hasn't apologized for killing her.</p><p>"Can I borrow your car?" He asks Iwaizumi. He is already dressed in all black and by the way Iwaizumi stares at him he thinks that maybe he should have tried being a bit polite. "Please?"</p><p>"Where do you…?” Iwaizumi starts but trails off when he glances over Tooru's attire. "What time? Now?"</p><p>It's early, he thinks, the cemetery wont be open until later, so no. Tooru shrugs, watching Iwaizumi. "You take it to work right?" Iwaizumi nods and Tooru thinks because he is already being rude and he knows Iwaizumi is going to lend him the car, but Tooru just doesn't want to leave him ride-less to work. Especially since it looks like it's going to rain. "I'll drive you to work and pick you up."</p><p>Iwaizumi nods. Tooru feels like an asshole.</p><p>It takes thirty minutes for Iwaizumi to get his stuff ready. Tooru gets in the car with his phone already set as a GPS. They ride in silence, Tooru listening to his phone telling him where to go even though Iwaizumi could have easily guided him. He drops Iwaizumi off at a huge building that says something about Arts School and Tooru drives away dreading and anticipating the following moments.</p><p>He made his parents' life miserable. He made his friends hate him. And now he is being a complete shit to the one person that is helping him even though he has no obligation to. Tooru wonders if there is an off switch to his assholeness.</p><p>He spends time thinking about his mother, in attempt to forget about how much of a shit he is. He thinks about what he is going to say to his mom, of what he might do. Maybe what flowers to get her. He thinks about the good memories he had with his mother and—</p><p>Tooru parks the car by a random street and cries.</p><p>He cries. Like a baby. He cries because he shouldn't be planning how the visit to his mother's grave will be like. He cries because there is nothing in his life that is worth it anymore. He cries because everything he does or says is somehow wrong and Tooru just doesn't know how to fix anything.</p><p>He wants to call Kuroo desperately. He wants Akaashi’s reassurance. He wants to hear Atsumu's voice. He wants Osamu to tell him he is not alone. He wants a shoulder to cry on, but he knows he doesn't deserve that. So he cries until the clock tells him it's time to pick up Iwaizumi, meaning he didn’t even manage to visit his mom.</p><p>He takes the long way to that Art school so his eyes can look less swollen and his face can return to the appropriate colour. He still makes it in time.</p><p>Fifteen minutes pass and Iwaizumi is not out and Tooru doesn't even have the energy to be mad. He thinks it might be revenge for being such a shit in the morning, so he shrugs, parks the car and decides to go inside to look for Iwaizumi.</p><p>Maybe it's the mixture of feelings he carries today or the endless thoughts in his head. If it had been a normal day, Tooru would not have gone looking for Iwaizumi. Instead he would have just taken the car and later told Iwaizumi something along the lines of<em> 'I waited for you, you didn't come, your fault'</em>. But his state of mind is not okay right now, so this is why fifteen minutes after wandering around the building, he finds himself looking through a semi-open door at Iwaizumi resting on the floor below a mountain of kids.</p><p>He has the brightest smile Tooru has seen to this day.</p><p>"I can't breathe. I can’t—can’t—" he jokes as the kids on top of him laugh cheerfully. "Rascals, I swear." He laughs out loud when they begin tickling him. "You can't attack me every time I assign homework!"</p><p>"What dance teacher leaves homework?" Tooru says surprising not only Iwaizumi and the kids, but himself as well.</p><p>"Oikawa?" Iwaizumi gasps, standing up immediately, letting the kids fall to the sides. They look at him baffled, probably wondering where the strength came from. "What are you doing— <em>shit!</em> I mean crap! Is it this late already?” He turns to look at a clock that’s hanging from the wall. “Crap." He murmurs. “I forgot it's Friday."</p><p>"Iwa-chan swore!" A kid shouts. "Iwa-chan swore, so no homework!"</p><p>Iwaizumi blushes, shaking his head. "Yes homework." He says sternly and all the kids whine, Iwaizumi ignores them, instead turning to face Tooru. "On Fridays I get off work an hour later."</p><p>Tooru nods, looking around the room and feeling a bit overwhelmed when he notices all the kids are starring at him. "I'll just..." he coughs, "I'll wait in the car.”</p><p>"Are you Sumu’s brother?" Tooru blinks at the little girl that spoke up.</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>Another girl snorts, "No way! They look nothing alike. Sumu has a twin!"</p><p>"But he is handsome! And so is Sumu!"</p><p>"Sumu looks like a fox!” A boy shouts. "He looks like a monkey.”</p><p>Tooru frowns, Iwaizumi splutters. "Kids! Kids, let's not... shout." He sighs when the kids all look at him expectantly. ”This," Iwaizumi starts, pointing at Tooru, "is my roommate, Oikawa Tooru." The kids nod turning to face Tooru. ”Oikawa, meet my favourite class.”</p><p>"We are your only class." The same girl that had asked if he was Atsumu’s brother stated.</p><p>Tooru chuckles, <em>how charming. </em>"Nice to meet you." He says bowing at the kids who all let a smile form their lips. It makes Tooru feel uncomfortable. The last time he was around a kid was two years ago when he last saw his sister and his nephew. "I'll just—“</p><p>"Do you dance?" A boy asks, running up to him and grabbing his hand. Tooru's eyes go wide as he looks over to Iwaizumi.</p><p>"No." He says, trying to get the kid to let go but he is apparently strong (he is like what? Ten?) and is pulling him inside the class.</p><p>"Do you want to see me dance?" If he says no it will be rude but Tooru really doesn't like how this is going. He does not want to spend any more time with these smiling children and why isn't Iwaizumi doing anything?</p><p>"Jinho, the stereo broke, remember? We don't have music to dance to." All the kids quickly lose their smiles and Tooru suddenly feels guilty even though this is not his fault and he really should be trying to get as far away from these kids as possible.</p><p>The kid, Jinho, frowns, crossing his arms. "Play the guitar then! I want to dance for Oikawa-sensei!” <em>Sensei!?</em></p><p>Guitar? Tooru blinks, eyes flickering around the room until he catches sight of a guitar case. Tooru's heart does a little flip. But no<em>.</em> He can't.</p><p>"I don't know how to play the guitar." Iwaizumi moans. "I've told you this before!"</p><p>All the kids whine, and Tooru realizes that no one is really paying attention to him so he might as well sneak out. He tries to do just that but is stopped in his track when he is once again addressed.</p><p>"Do you play the guitar?" The same godforsaken girl speaks up and for some reason Tooru replies without even thinking. <em>Yes.</em> All the children react in unison. Smiles going wide as they jump in excitement. "Play! Play!" The girl starts a chant. "Iwa-chan! Tell him to play!"</p><p>Why are they calling Iwaizumi, Iwa-chan? Tooru want's to ask but instead he finds himself at a loss for words when Iwaizumi looks at him with wide eyes. He is biting his lip nervously and Tooru can clearly see Iwaizumi is also having problems forming words. "I think... I think Oikawa has somewhere to go. I should just walk home. Oikawa you can..." Tooru is moving towards the guitar before he can think it through. "Tooru, you don't have to-!“</p><p>Iwaizumi's tone is alarmed and for some reason Tooru gets the idea that Iwaizumi is afraid of him or something and,</p><p>Tooru wants to prove himself to Iwaizumi.</p><p>He knows that now, though he doesn't understand when or why this desire emerged. Maybe Tooru just wants to show Iwaizumi he too has a talent. Maybe he wants to do this act of kindness to repay Iwaizumi for all the help. Maybe Tooru has completely lost it.</p><p>Maybe he just really wants to play.</p><p>So when he sits down on a chair, in front of around fifteen kids, guitar already tuned, Tooru plays without a care in the world.</p><p>He won't know this now, but Iwaizumi tells him years later that it's in this moment that Iwaizumi saw his smile—real smile— for the first time.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thoughts? Any idea of how this is going to end?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. My Everything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tooru plays the guitar longer than expected.</p><p>Maybe it’s because he was thinking about his mom about how he was suppose to see her— about how he really doesn't want to. He is not quite ready, he knows that. The only reason he even considered visiting his mom was because he felt lonely, but now, sitting with those kids... he was still lonely, just maybe, not completely alone.</p><p>Iwaizumi apologizes endlessly when they leave the class and Tooru is taking the passenger seat, saying he is too tired to drive and letting Iwaizumi take the wheel, all the while the latter begs for forgiveness. Tooru says nothing to let Iwaizumi know that he isn't actually mad, or that he accepts the 'apology'. He lets him apologize until Iwaizumi thinks that isn't enough and makes a sharp turn claiming he knows the perfect place.</p><p><em>Perfect place, for what? </em>Tooru doesn't know, but he says nothing as he watches Iwaizumi drive with determination.</p><p>He sees Iwaizumi in a different light. He is no longer the spoiled rich kid Tooru has labelled him the moment he caught sight of his car. He is still rich and he still has a ridiculously expensive apartment (that he doesn't pay for) but now, now Iwaizumi seems humble. And down to earth. And an actual human being that doesn't deserve Tooru's shit.</p><p>It bothers Tooru that he is feeling guilty for being such an asshole. Even with the whole Tsukishima thing, Tooru wasn't as bothered, mostly because the truth that Tsukishima had uttered had hurt-- still hurts. He is blocking it out of his memory, trying to forget those hurtful words, so it makes sense that all Tooru can think about is his rudeness towards Iwaizumi and this random desire to actually stop being a dick.</p><p>Tooru glances at Iwaizumi only to see him completely focused on the road. He hasn't tried starting a conversation since he stopped saying sorry, and by the way he is frowning, Tooru can assume he just feels awkward. He probably thinks Tooru hates him and doesn’t want to say something that could further increase the hate. It makes Tooru cringe, just thinking that Iwaizumi is treating him with such caution all because Tooru is a dick.</p><p>Regardless, before Tooru can even think of breaking the silence, Iwaizumi is parking the car by the side of the street. Tooru recognizes the street, and when he turns to his left he sees the ice cream shop he and the twins used to go to together when they were younger. The same ice cream shop he first met Iwaizumi at.</p><p>"I'll buy." Iwaizumi says as he exits the car, running straight towards the shop before Tooru can protest.</p><p>Tooru frowns, though it feels fond, and Tooru doesn't know what to think of that. He follows after Iwaizumi, entering the almost empty shop because it was probably closing in thirty minutes or so. Iwaizumi is already placing an order and Tooru mentally rolls his eyes at that. <em>How is that idiot suppose to know what ice cream I want?</em> Tooru moves to stand by him and oh, Iwaizumi wasn't ordering. He was talking to the person behind the register.</p><p>Suna.</p><p>"You work here?" Tooru snorts and receives a glare from Suna in return.</p><p>"At least I work." He hisses and Tooru raises a brow because why does Suna seem to know a lot more than he should?</p><p>"Why did you bring him? I told you I no longer like him."</p><p>"Rin.” Iwaizumi whines.</p><p>Suna rolls his eyes. "Hurry, what do you want? I need to go to the back and help with the cleaning. We close in five, I shouldn't even be letting you in."</p><p>"What are you, the store owner?" Tooru snaps sounding like a five year old and all he gets in response is a very cocky smirk from Suna.</p><p>He is in fact the owner, Iwaizumi tells him when they are sitting by a table next to the window of the shop. The shop is now closed and they are the only ones there, apart from Suna who is at the back cleaning with another employee. "His father bought it a few years ago and he recently just managed to land another business down south, so Rin is taking care of the shop in the meantime."</p><p>Tooru shrugs, because he really doesn't care and Iwaizumi said in the meantime, meaning he is the temporary owner, not the actual owner, so Tooru's five year old mentality congratulates itself in silence.</p><p>"You know, Rintarou isn't that bad." Iwaizumi starts and Tooru quickly swallows the ice cream he has in his mouth to stop him from countering that statement.</p><p>"I get it. I don't think he is bad. I just. Right now I'm not really a very friendly person." Tooru's words sound forced and awkward but he really doesn't want to hear Iwaizumi praise Suna for the next hour in order for Tooru to like him. Tooru thinks Suna is annoying and he knows too much, and he mentioned Osamu, something that extremely bothers him because Osamu never mentioned a Suna. And yeah. The last thing Tooru wants right now is to talk about Suna. So he changes the topic. "You have a nice class."</p><p>"Thanks?" Iwaizumi says surprised, Tooru mentally scowls himself. "The kids seemed to really like you."</p><p>"Why do they call you Iwa-chan?” Tooru asks, trying to forget how excited he sounded complementing Iwaizumi's class.</p><p>"It's a dumb nickname?" Iwaizumi blushes and Tooru resists the urge to tell him it sounds cute. "My American dance teacher from school had one and I don't know, I guess I liked the idea?"</p><p>Tooru eats another spoon full of ice cream and hums. "So you teach dance? Ballet? Contemporary?”</p><p>Iwaizumi's blush increases. "I teach contemporary-hip-hop.”</p><p>"That is not a thing."</p><p>Iwaizumi groans, "I teach contemporary and during breaks, I teach hip-hop.”</p><p>Tooru snorts. "So the kids don't actually get a break?"</p><p>"They are the ones that wanted to learn!"</p><p>“Right.” Tooru dismisses, enjoying the way Iwaizumi seems so flustered.</p><p>"It's your fault!" Iwaizumi blurts randomly. "You are the one that played hip-hop songs."</p><p>Tooru blinks at him. ”I was playing Radiohead.” Another groan and Tooru smiles.</p><p>They finish their ice cream after bantering for a few more minutes. By then, it's already getting a bit late, which is good that Suna ends up coming out from the back to send them off with a bucket of chocolate ice cream. Tooru still doesn't quite like Suna, but that bucket just earned some points in his favour.</p><p>"Do you hear that?" Iwaizumi says the moment they step out of the shop. Tooru is making his way towards the car, having heard nothing. “Oi, Oikawa. Seriously, do you hear it?"</p><p>He groans, stopping on his steps to turn around and face Iwaizumi. "Can we just go home?”</p><p>"<em>Shhh.</em>"</p><p>“Seriously—<em>ah</em>." Tooru hears it now. It's the unmistakable sound of a guitar. "It's probably a street musician."</p><p>"Lets go!" Iwaizumi exclaims and before Tooru can stop him, he is bolting towards the direction of the music.</p><p>Tooru really regrets ever giving the car keys back to Iwaizumi.</p><p>He follows him, mainly because he has nowhere else to go. Iwaizumi jogs towards the sound while Tooru jogs with the intention of killing Iwaizumi the moment he catches up to him.</p><p>“Hey-ay! Hey-ay!” Someone is singing, and the closer they get Tooru can finally hear the beat.</p><p>"Is that salsa?" Iwaizumi asks and Tooru shrugs because huh, that does sound like salsa. But they are in Japan and why the hell would someone be playing salsa? When they finally arrive to the corner of the street to see the people playing the music, Tooru gets an answer to that question. Why would anyone play salsa? Easy, because they are completely drunk.</p><p>"Iwaizumi, let’s go." Tooru says, looking at the clearly intoxicated man playing the guitar (quite perfectly, much to Tooru's annoyance) and at the two girls singing and dancing. "Before we die." He says with a softer tone but Iwaizumi seems to be ignoring him as he looks on with awe.</p><p>Tooru watches, trying to understand why Iwaizumi is so captivated by this. He finds it funny. The girls are dancing horribly, just moving their bodies and Tooru is no dancer, but he knows they are definitely off beat. The guy has mad skills on the guitar, though he is now singing and yeah, his ears might start bleeding if he doesn't leave soon. Tooru turns to Iwaizumi, to tell him a joke or to make a comment but Iwaizumi is no longer next to him. Instead, Iwaizumi is approaching the girls.</p><p>Tooru knows what he is about to do. There is a part of him that wants to stop him because god, this is embarrassing. There is a crowd gathered around and Tooru should really be walking away but for some reason he cant prevent the smile from forming on his lips, even though just a second ago he was thinking of dragging Iwaizumi away.</p><p>Iwaizumi begins dancing slowly. His arms and legs moving as if they were the guitar itself. The guy is no longer playing salsa, instead, it's a ballad that Tooru is sure he has heard before but cant quite name it. The guitarist is also looking at Iwaizumi with a look that screams <em>hunger </em>but Tooru ignores that because Iwaizumi is now moving a little bit more. His waist and head following the movements of his arms and legs; his muscles showcased with every step, every swing, every shake.</p><p>The girls have stopped dancing. The crowd is getting bigger.</p><p>It’s hypnotizing, the way Iwaizumi dances. Tooru watches and feels a tug in his heart.</p><p>-o-</p><p>For some reason, Tooru can't get Iwaizumi's dancing out of his mind. He thinks about that little show he put on the streets for hours and what bothers him the most is that he doesn't know why. Okay, so maybe Iwaizumi is very talented. Maybe, Iwaizumi's body moves in ways Tooru wishes his body would. Maybe he is jealous? That's the main conclusion he reaches, and it's not something he likes.</p><p>He goes to sleep thinking of Iwaizumi's dancing and wakes up after dreaming of himself trying to dance, which okay, he hopes he never tries in real life. It's ridiculous how he can't get Iwaizumi out of his mind. Well, his dancing. It actually leaves him staring at nothing various times throughout the day. He even nearly burns himself while cooking and does the grave mistake of answering his phone on the first ring without even checking who is calling him.</p><p><em>"Tooru?"</em> Its Kuroo and suddenly Iwaizumi's dancing is the last thing on his mind. Tooru swallows, thinking of hanging up but he cant even bring himself to do it because Kuroo's voice has possibly sent him into shock. <em>"Tooru, I can hear your breathing."</em></p><p>"Hi." He utters, heart feeling heavy.</p><p><em>"About time you answer."</em> Kuroo sounds hurt, but what can Tooru do? God, why did he answer. <em>"Listen, can we talk? Can we meet up?”</em></p><p>"I'm busy." It's a lie, they both know that.</p><p><em>"Then can I just,"</em> a sigh,<em> "Tooru, I'm sorry."</em> No.<em> "I know I haven't been the greatest friend and I'm really sorry,"</em> No no no. <em>Stop.</em> “<em>It has really been bothering me. I mean, what kind of friend—</em>“</p><p>"Are you stupid." Tooru interrupts silencing Kuroo. "Why the fuck are you apologizing?"</p><p>Kuroo swallows and Tooru can almost visualize Kuroo’s jaw clenching as he tries forming the proper words in his head before speaking. <em>"You've been going through so much and I should be there for you.”</em></p><p>"<em>I</em> should be the one there for <em>you.</em>" Tooru interrupts again, his voice shaken. "Fuck, Kuroo, please don't."</p><p>
  <em>Don’t apologize. Don't take the blame. Don't indirectly remind me of how much of a shit friend I am.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Tooru."</em>
</p><p>"I'm the one who's sorry, okay?" Tooru shouts, because he is sure that somewhere in Kuroo's fucked up head he has already figured out how to put all the blame on himself. “Tetsu, I'm the shit friend, okay? Fuck, I don't know why— why are you apologizing? Why are you even— <em>fuck.</em>"</p><p><em>"Calm down</em>.<em>" </em>Kuroo says because Tooru's breathing has accelerated and Tooru himself can feel his heart going a mile a minute and it hurts. It hurts.</p><p>"I mean.” Tooru chokes out a laugh. "You know what I told Kei, right? He told you what I said about your relationship." Kuroo says nothing and that's enough confirmation. “Why are you calling me and apologizing when I'm the one that— I'm the one—” Tooru shuts his eyes tightly. "I'm the one that gives no shits about our friendship."</p><p><em>"That's not true." </em>Kuroo says and Tooru wants to laugh because even fucking Suna probably knows just how much of a dick Tooru is. <em>"You're just going through a lot.”</em></p><p>"That's no reason for me to be how I am." He sighs. ”I'm just like my father, aren't I?"</p><p>Silence and then Kuroo is hissing. <em>"No!"</em> Tooru blinks at his tone. <em>"You are nothing like that trash."</em> Kuroo has hated Tooru's father for a long time but Kuroo has never taken the liberty to insult him so openly. <em>"Your father is the fucking devil reincarnated.”</em> Kuroo continues, <em>"you are not like him!"</em></p><p>Tooru takes those words into consideration while the last conversation he had with his father plays in his head. Tooru had never been aware of his father's involvement in the lives of his friends until he had so proudly confessed his sins to Tooru. He had never really considered the possibility of his father trying to get rid of his friends. But maybe Kuroo… "My father," Tooru starts, "why do you hate him?"</p><p>Kuroo stays silent, probably thinking his words over. Tooru himself thinks that Kuroo can easily call his father homophobic and that would be enough of a reason for his hate. Tooru's father has never liked Kuroo, and he had made it so obvious, but heck, Kuroo is not the kind to hate someone back just because that someone hates him. <em>"He is a dick." </em>Kuroo finally says and Tooru waits for more<em>, "he is such a fucking dick, he—“</em> Kuroo chokes. <em>"He made things so</em> hard.<em>"</em></p><p><em>He knows</em>. He has to know. "Did he... did he do something to you?" Kuroo chokes again, his breathing loud as he tries to fight back tears.</p><p>“No." Kuroo denies but Tooru can see through that. “He just—“</p><p>“Paid your mom off?” Tooru breathes out, feeling his whole body shake with just knowing that his father is such trash. “Broke apart your family? Used his money to-to—he tried to get rid of you because you were my fucking friend?” Tooru is openly crying now, regretting the moment he met Kuroo, regretting befriending him. God, he fucked everything up for him. Kuroo's family had to go through so much and it was all because of him. "He pushed the Miya’s into poverty. Forced Atsumu and Osamu apart.”</p><p>Tooru cries and Kuroo joins him. They both say nothing as they try to control their tears. Tooru rubs at his eyes, but he can't stop crying, not with how the guilt keeps stabbing him in the heart.</p><p>It's Kuroo who breaks the silence. <em>"When did you find out?"</em></p><p>Tooru laughs, his heart broken into pieces. <em>It’s true.</em> "He told me the other day. He was disappointed you guys didn't actually leave after he put all that effort." Tooru swallows. "You should have left."</p><p><em>"I was going to." </em>Kuroo replies, oddly calm. <em>“My dad tried lying to me about why mom left but when my grandparents go sick, he told me the real reason."</em> Tooru tries to picture that conversation and then remembers the smile Kuroo's father had offered him that day at the airport, when he went to give Kuroo moral support as he said goodbye to him. Kuroo’s dad had asked him to look after him and he had even called him <em>son</em>. Tooru doesn't understand. <em>"My father. He was scared for you. He didn’t blame you so I couldn’t blame you either. You were my friend.” </em>Kuroo chuckles.<em> “He also wanted me to have a better life and my uncle, he was here, so I could stay."</em></p><p>Tooru bites his lips so hard he can almost taste the blood. Kuroo's father's best friend was Kuroo’s uncle. The man that had turned out to be possibly bigger trash than Tooru's father.<em> "My uncle... we talk now."</em> Tooru’s eyes widen. <em>"He... he contacted me a few months ago. He explained his behaviour."</em> <em>He tried to rape you! </em>Tooru want's to scream but stops when he hears Kuroo's next words. <em>"He told me that your father threatened his job. Offered him money. He had no choice."</em></p><p>Of course. Of fucking course his father also had something to do with that.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Tooru begins saying like a mantra. He thinks back to a young Kuroo, eyes wide and body shaking trying to explain that he had been stripped and touched and he needed to get out of that house but he couldn't tell the police. None of them could tell the police. He feels so vulnerable. He doesn't deserve to have friends. He doesn't deserve anything. <em>Why why why.</em></p><p><em>"Stop apologizing." </em>Kuroo says, <em>"you are not your father. What he did has nothing to do with you."</em> Tooru tries to make Kuroo see that yes, this is all his fault. That none of this would have happened if Tooru had just kept his distance. <em>"Also, the twins know about the restaurant, so don't bother apologizing to them either."</em></p><p>Tooru wants to scream and cry harder but the tears have stopped and wont even come out anymore. His sobs are dry as his heart seems to sink deeper and deeper into despair.</p><p>He hangs up after one last sorry.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Iwaizumi finds him sitting on the couch in the living room. It's late, and all the lights are off and the way Tooru doesn't even react to Iwaizumi almost tripping over nothing is enough warning to know something is wrong.</p><p>"Oikawa?" Iwaizumi calls out, not bothering to turn on the lights. "What are you doing?" Tooru's phone begins ringing then and Iwaizumi watches as Tooru quickly denies the call. Iwaizumi blinks and says nothing. The phone rings again, Tooru denies the call. "Is that Rin? Is he bothering you again? I can tell him to stop.”</p><p>"My father." Tooru starts, "he gave me an envelope for my sixteenth birthday. It had a job application in it and that was his way of telling me he wanted me to start working." Iwaizumi stares at him for a second before nodding. Tooru swallows loudly and Iwaizumi moves to sit next to him on the couch. "When I turned seventeen he gave me a list of names of girls and he said those were my options. My girlfriend was standing right next to me and she wasn't on the list."</p><p>Iwaizumi reacts before Tooru can move, he wraps his arms tightly around him and Tooru doesn't push him away, like he is sure Iwaizumi expected, instead he sinks into the embrace, breathing heavily as he rests his head against Iwaizumi's chest. Iwaizumi can probably feel his damp cheeks. He holds him tighter.</p><p>Tooru doesn’t know what it is. He doesn't know how his mind is working right now. He doesn't know why he is reacting like this. But Iwaizumi is holding him and Tooru really wants that comfort to be enough just for now. "He says I killed her." Tooru sobs and he can feel Iwaizumi tense. "He says I killed her but he- he—“ Iwaizumi tries to calm him down, holding him like his life depends on it. Tooru just sobs louder before whispering, "he is killing <em>me.</em>”</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tsukishima calls the day after and Tooru answer out of guilt because he should be the one calling Tsukishima. He doesn't even let Tsukishima greet him, he cuts him off at <em>Hello </em>and immediately begins saying he is sorry. “Sorry for what I said. Sorry for being a dick. Sorry for being jealous. Sorry for not giving a shit.” <em>Sorry sorry sorry.</em></p><p>Tsukishima doesn't accept his apology, he just hangs up. Tooru swallows. He didn't expect Tsukishima to forgive him. He knows he doesn't deserve to be forgiven but it still hurts.</p><p>His phone rings again, Tooru answers and this time waits for Tsukishima to speak. <em>"I called to yell at you."</em> Tsukishima says and Tooru thinks, <em>yeah, I deserve that. “Because you made Kuroo cry the other day and you wont answer his calls."</em> Tooru cringes at that, but Tsukishima laughs and that leaves him confused.<em> "He is such a baby. I told him to just go see you but he thinks you hate him."</em></p><p>"I don't." Tooru affirms.</p><p><em>"I know that. He knows that."</em> Tsukishima snorts. <em>"I also know you are a dick. I give you three more days of hiding."</em> Tsukishima hangs up before Tooru can protest to that.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He goes to another one of Iwaizumi's shows, mostly because Iwaizumi never brought up the small chat they had that night and he looked really pitiful begging Tooru to show up. He pays this time, a little more than he thinks is suitable for a play. But because he needs the distraction, he doesn't regret coming. At least not until he spots Osamu staring at him the moment he takes a seat right next to him. (How did he not notice him?)</p><p>"I'll leave." Tooru says because he is sure that Osamu hates him too but before he can even stand, Osamu is holding his arm and shaking his head.</p><p>"Shows ‘bout to start.” Tooru gulps, but stays seated.</p><p>He tries ordering his body to stay still, but his feet begin tapping the floor and his fists keep clenching but at least Osamu isn't saying anything. The theatre isn't as packed as the last time, and it makes sense because this isn't a free show. However there are a lot of people and they all seem to be anticipating the show.</p><p>Two ladies that are sitting in front of him turn around and ask him to stay still. Tooru obeys as Osamu snickers and then the lights dim and the band comes forward and the show starts.</p><p>It's an adaption of Shakespeare’s <em>Midsummer Night's Dream,</em> and this time there is nothing comic about it. The story line is beautiful. The performances are breathtaking. Maybe paying for the overpriced ticket was actually worth it. Iwaizumi isn't a main character this time around, though Tooru sees him playing various minor character roles. He dances mostly, or shouts out a line or two, but just like the first show, he is absolutely amazing.</p><p>Tooru watches with awe, completely forgetting Osamu is sitting right next to him. He doesn't notice the odd looks Osamu gives him and much less the way Osamu reacts when Suna appears for one of the biggest songs of the play. Tooru really dislikes (not really, but really) Suna, but he has to admit his voice is worth a little drooling.</p><p>The play ends with a bang. As in some props fall and there is a big <em>bang</em> sound. However it does little to reduce the applause at the end. People stand up, clapping enthusiastically, they cheer, they whistle, some throw roses on the stage and then the curtains are closed, the lights of the whole theatre go on, and Tooru swallows because it’s over, and Osamu is sitting right next to him.</p><p>He says nothing, instead plays with the zipper on his jacket much like how Osamu plays with his hands. People start leaving, chatting enthusiastically about the play. Tooru finds himself agreeing with most of the comments, and he thinks, for a second, of breaking the silence by asking Osamu what he thought or maybe what was he doing here or <em>do you hate me? Do I disgust you?</em></p><p>But Tooru says nothing. "Ya know Suna, right?" Osamu says, breaking the silence instead. He sounds timid, something Tooru is not used to.</p><p>"Yes." Tooru holds back all the questions he wants to blurt out because that's right, Suna had mentioned Osamu a while ago.</p><p>"He asked me out." It's ridiculous how those words have Tooru holding his breath. "He said he liked me. Maybe even loved me. He was tongue tied when he confessed." Osamu chuckles and Tooru can't even bring himself to breathe properly. "Cute, huh?"</p><p>“Samu…”</p><p>"I said no." Tooru shuts his mouth. "I told him... I didn't feel the same way." Osamu sounds hurt, broken.</p><p>"But do you...?"</p><p>"I don't know." Osamu sighs. "I think I do but, I don't wanna face those feelings. I think, I think I'm just scared." Tooru nods, because he doesn't know what else to do. "I'm scared I wont be enough for him." Tooru blinks, because that's not what he expected Osamu to say. Osamu continues though, almost as if he were in a trance, staring at the empty stage. "Suna is so... so determined and optimistic. He has the next five years of his life planned. He knows what he wants. He is so confident and I'm..." Osamu breathes in, "I can't compete with that."</p><p><em>You don't need to compete with Suna, </em>Tooru want's to say, <em>you need to give yourself more credit. </em>Instead he stays silent, watching Osamu tap his legs while his lips force a smile.</p><p>"I can't be selfish. I can't let myself hold Suna down." The moment after Osamu says those words he is standing up. He offers Tooru a smile and then he is walking away.</p><p>Tooru thinks for just a second how maybe he should stop holding everyone down with his ineptness.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Iwaizumi forces him to one of his classes that week. He pouts and makes a whole list of why Tooru should go to class with him and Tooru is too tired to argue. Not to mention the three days are up, which means Tsukishima could come back to his life at any point now, right? Tooru doesn't know. He doesn't know what Tsukishima meant a few days ago. He doesn't get why he had been given permission to hide.</p><p>It's not like he hides. He is just not around (he winces at his own stupidity).</p><p>"The kids really want to see you again." Iwaizumi says on the way to the school. Tooru tries to think of how exactly Iwaizumi forced him in the car but decides it's not worth the effort when Iwaizumi continues to rant on about his class and how much they apparently miss Tooru. "They keep asking me to bring you. They are going to be so happy.”</p><p><em>Yoo-hoo,</em> Tooru mentally cheers with sarcasm, though he finds himself smiling when Iwaizumi smiles at him, explaining how he thinks his class is going to react to Tooru finally returning.</p><p>They take it well, really well, because Tooru finds himself below a pile of kids the moment he steps into the room. <em>Toru, Toru, Toru,</em> they call him, and he guesses its better then some child-like nickname like Iwa-chan.</p><p>"Are you going to play the guitar?" They ask him, and before he can answer, Iwaizumi is calling the class over.</p><p>Tooru is not allowed to play the guitar for them, apparently, because they have this show coming up and the kids need to practice. Tooru rolls his eyes as Iwaizumi talks and the kids whine. He doesn't get why he had to come if Iwaizumi wont let him play the guitar. Tooru doesn't actually consider watching kids dance a good pass time.</p><p>He should be at home doing nothing, like usual.</p><p>Iwaizumi brings a chair over for him, and makes him sit at the back of the class. Tooru scowls, for the most part, but Iwaizumi has a stupid smile on his face and it seems like he is not letting Tooru's obvious bad mood affect his annoying good mood.</p><p>So Tooru sits, says nothing more, and watches Iwaizumi teach his class.</p><p>It's disgusting how he acts around the kids. He is all smiles and happiness and patience and so fucking dandy that Tooru has to swallow a few times because his throat gets dry as he simply stares at the mystery Iwaizumi Hajime is. No one should make things look so annoyingly perfect, because that's exactly what Iwaizumi is, <em>perfect</em>, and god, Tooru should have noticed this sooner because than he would have made sure to stay far away from him, so his own life doesn't seem as worthless in comparison.</p><p>Iwaizumi seems to have everything settled, his whole life going forward with a steady plan. It's almost laughable just how better off he is. Better in everything. So painfully better than Tooru could ever dream of being. Tooru can't even remember when the last time any of his efforts could be worth a praise.</p><p>It’s when his mind is consumed by those thoughts that Tsukishima calls. Tooru's phone interrupts the minute of meditation the class was going through, yet Iwaizumi doesn't even glare at him. He points towards the door and Tooru quickly makes his way out of the class, not really knowing why he is planning on answering since it would be so much easier to just ignore the call and—</p><p>The class is giggling, Iwaizumi is faking annoyance and Tooru closes the door behind him with a smile on his face as he clicks the answer button and places the phone to his ear.</p><p><em>"Where are you?"</em> Is how Tsukishima greets him.</p><p>Tooru mentally groans. "I'm with Iwaizumi."</p><p><em>"Iwaizumi has work right now." </em>Tsukishima says, sounding annoyed.</p><p>"I'm at the school with him." There is silence, Tooru guesses Tsukishima is deciding whether he should believe him or not. "He asked me to come play the guitar for his students." He adds and it's technically not true but he feels like there is no other way Tsukishima would believe him.</p><p><em>"Since when does Iwaizumi know you can play the guitar?”</em> Tsukishima asks and <em>shit,</em> Tooru didn't think that through.</p><p>"I played for his class before, when their music system broke."</p><p><em>“So.” </em>A pause. <em>“You and Iwaizumi?"</em> Tsukishima says and Tooru almost cringes at the implication.</p><p>"We are not friends or anything," Tooru says and his mind screams <em>liar.</em> "We just, you know, live together."</p><p>Silence. <em>"Right." </em>Tsukishima deadpans. <em>"Anyways, I was on my way to pick you up, but I guess you're busy."</em></p><p>"Pick me up? For what?"</p><p><em>“Volleyball."</em> Tsukishima says as if it's the most obvious thing. Tooru's mouth goes dry quickly.</p><p>“Volleyball?" He asks, tone coated with vulnerability.</p><p><em>"Yes."</em> Tsukishima says. <em>"There is a small competition starting. Atsumu signed you up, mostly because Osamu pulled out last minute. We need another player and since you aren't doing anything, why not?"</em></p><p><em>Because I don't play anymore. Because I never agreed to this. Because—Osamu?</em> "What about Osamu? What do you mean he pulled out?"</p><p><em>"He pulled out last minute. Said he was too busy."</em> Tsukishima explains calmly and his tone gives nothing away. Tooru lets the words sink.</p><p>"Is he okay?"</p><p><em>"Yeah."</em> There is a pause. <em>“Why?" </em>Tsukishima asks.</p><p>By the way Tsukishima is talking it seems that everything is fine, so maybe Tooru shouldn't really worry. Even though the conversation he had with Osamu keeps playing in his head. He should be all right. He probably just needs some space. "No reason."</p><p>He hears Tsukishima hum as Tooru's eye gaze towards the classroom where the kids seem to be taking a rest as Iwaizumi looks over a few papers. <em>"Okay. So you're in, right?"</em></p><p>Tooru hums, his attention focused on Iwaizumi. Tsukishima cheers and Tooru blinks and oh. <em>No.</em> No, no, no. "I didn’t—"</p><p><em>"Kuroo will text you the details.”</em> Tsukishima says ignoring Tooru's desperate shouts and before Tooru can form a response, the call has ended.</p><p>Tooru stands frozen for a few seconds, letting his mind grasp the fact that he just agreed to volleyball. With his friends. He is going to be playing volleyball with his friends.</p><p>He can't.</p><p>"Oikawa?" Iwaizumi calls out, head sticking out the door. "The kids want to hear you play the guitar while I look over some marks— are you okay?"</p><p>Iwaizumi frowns when he looks at Tooru's wide eyes and frozen state. His eyes shift and his mouth moves as if to question him further and all Tooru can do to avoid the situation is walk straight into the class, pushing Iwaizumi who stumbles in surprise, and head for the guitar.</p><p>Tooru catches the attention of the students, who immediately begin jumping in excitement. He catches Iwaizumi staring after him with a look that resembles hurt and disappointment. Tooru ignores him.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"I'm sorry." Tooru blurts once he and Iwaizumi walk into the apartment, making themselves comfortable by the kitchen table. "For pushing you earlier."</p><p>He sees Iwaizumi tense slightly before his shoulder relax and he offers a smile. "It's fine." He says though his tone tells Tooru he is lying.</p><p>"I didn't." He pauses, forming the words in his head. “I didn't mean to push you. I just," he chokes out a laugh, "I'm just really good at being an asshole."</p><p>“Understatement.” Iwaizumi says earning a glare from Tooru, that causes him to add, “but not all the time."</p><p>"Thanks." Tooru snorts, not liking the way Iwaizumi's smile still looks fake. "Earlier, Kei-kun called.”</p><p>"You don't have to expl—“</p><p>"He forced me to agree to something and I," he swallows, "I don't feel comfortable.” He inhales deeply before exhaling. “It's not like before. They don't understand." Tooru trails off, hands moving to push his hair back to later rest his head against his palms while his elbows lean against the table for support.</p><p>"I don't." Iwaizumi starts and Tooru gets it. Iwaizumi doesn't know him, he probably has no idea of what Tooru is going on about. And it makes sense because they are not friends. He told Tsukishima that earlier and its true. They are not friends.</p><p>But Tooru kind of wishes they were because he really wants to talk to Iwaizumi about this. Iwaizumi is the perfect candidate. He wasn't around when everything went to shit. He wasn't there so he cant pick a side, at least not the obvious side all his friends picked. He can explain things to Iwaizumi and maybe Iwaizumi will understand. Maybe Iwaizumi will empathize with him. Maybe Iwaizumi will be able to tell Tooru what he wants to hear.</p><p>That maybe,<em> just maybe,</em> not everything is his fault.</p><p>Tooru opens his mouth before he can regret it. He lets the words flow freely before he can convince himself this isn't any of Iwaizumi's business, before he can reason Iwaizumi probably doesn't care. And god, does it feel good; letting out that weight his past carries.</p><p>He tells him about volleyball. How much he loved it, how much he enjoyed it, how much it changed his life. It was important to him and his parents realized that it was quickly changing him. It was making him rebellious. He would spend more time playing than being at home studying or at the office working for his father. He would yearn to go out more, especially with his friends, because that meant they could talk about volleyball, about dreams, about a future different from the one his parents had planned.</p><p>His parents knew volleyball was influencing Tooru more than they ever could so they put a stop to it. By blackmail.</p><p>Iwaizumi seems somewhat horrified when hearing how they had threatened to cut off their financial support if he continued playing that ‘worthless sport’. Tooru finds Iwaizumi's look of disbelief challenging, bringing back the memories of everything his parents, mainly his father, had done.</p><p>And then he is talking and talking and talking and Iwaizumi is just listening.</p><p>He mentions what happened with Kuroo's mother and the twin’s family. He rants about Kuroo's uncle, describing the horror they all went through when Kuroo finally broke down and told them all the disgusting things that had been happening. He tells Iwaizumi about the twin’s family, about their financial struggles, their depression, their decision to push the twins away, resulting in Atsumu’s and Osamu’s relationship to strain. They grew distant, forming their lives away from each other, more like friends than brothers.</p><p>All the while reminding Iwaizumi that while all this was happening, he was going home everyday to follow the every command of the person responsible for everything.</p><p>While the twin’s family was struggling after their business closed down, Tooru was visiting the houses of the people he would one day work with, enjoying parties where people boasted about their wealth and wasted more food than the twin’s family could ever afford in a lifetime. While Kuroo’s mother walked out on her family with a few thousands in her pockets, Tooru was lazying around in school, focused more on keeping up a facade for his father so he could continue funding his night life. While Kuroo was being molested, Tooru was being forced to pick a girl fit to his father's standards. While Atsumu and Osamu’s parents were put on pills for depression, Tooru drank alcohol to fill the emptiness volleyball had left.</p><p>Yet somehow, Kuroo, Atsumu, and Osamu, seem to be enjoying every second of their lives while Tooru is bitter and hateful and so fucking cold for the stupidest reasons.</p><p>Tooru is crying by the time he begins ranting about his stupidity. By then Iwaizumi is trying to get his voice heard as he tries to stop Tooru from dragging himself down further. Tooru can hear Iwaizumi's denial and his attempts to convince him that he isn't stupid. That he has reasons to be sad. That he had it rough, too.</p><p>But fuck. Tooru can't see any of that.</p><p>"Don't do this to yourself." Iwaizumi says and Tooru can see he is struggling to keep his own eyes dry. "You can't let your mind do this." He pleas, causing Tooru's guts to twist with guilt.</p><p>"Stop trying to comfort me!” Tooru snaps. "I've been nothing but a dick to you since I moved in. You should know more than anyone how fucking pathetic I am!"</p><p>"You're not!" Iwaizumi yells and for some reason it angers Tooru.</p><p>"This nice facade is getting old." He states, eyes narrowing as Iwaizumi looks taken aback. "I get that you see the glass half full but stop. Stop trying to find something good in me. There is nothing good. I'm a fuck up. I—“</p><p>“Oi.” Iwaizumi cuts him off. “Listen up <em>shittykawa.</em>” He adds, surprising Tooru into silence. “You have a lot of friends whole love you. I know that because since I've met them, they have done nothing but praise you and at first. At first I didn't understand." Iwaizumi chokes. "Akaashi first mentioned you when Bokuto introduced us. He said he had a friend who was fighting against all odds to prove he was more than his father's wealth. You have no idea how big of an impact those words had on me."</p><p>"When I met Atsumu he ran to another country because he found out I dated the guy he liked. He ran to another fucking country because he knew there would be someone there for him. Then I met Kuroo and Tsukishima and they are disgusting because they are always making out but when they are not, they are talking about you. About how much fun you are probably having and how amazing you are to have such a good job and how insignificant they feel next to you. They all fucking praise you. They think so highly of you and I think I understood it but then."</p><p>Tooru feels dread when Iwaizumi's tone drops and with good reason because the next words end up stabbing him straight through his heart. "Then I started noticing little things. How you would never call. How you would never answer the phone. How some times they would all worry sick because they knew nothing about you and then. Then I met you. You were a dick, but you came to your friend's wedding and you nearly cried and I was so conflicted. You were so cold and quiet, ignoring everyone but you didn't carry yourself as someone who thought they were higher than anyone else in the room. You were sad.</p><p>I didn't know what to think of you. Part of me wanted to listen to the part of my brain that reasoned you were an asshole while the other part wanted to believe everything everyone ever told me about you, that you were a great friend, someone to look up to." Iwaizumi humourlessly chuckles. "I offered you my place because the latter option clearly won. Your friends’ opinion about you had me looking at you with another light, especially because I could see you weren't as perfect as they made you out to be. And that became obvious when you fought with Tsukishima.</p><p>I never heard the details, but I knew you were in the wrong and at first I thought you were just being too proud to apologize, but then I realized you didn't want to apologize because you didn't think you deserved their forgiveness." Iwaizumi chokes and Tooru himself can seem to barely control his breathing. “For the past weeks you have been making everyone so miserable and I just don't understand how even after that I still couldn't hate you or hold any negative feelings towards you.</p><p>I don't know why, but I can't think low of you, not when I know the real you." Iwaizumi stops then, he is breathing heavily as he looks at Tooru with sad eyes. “You are amazing.” Tooru is frozen in spot, letting those words sink. It's a lot to take in and Tooru doesn't know how he should react to this.</p><p>It hurts a bit, knowing that his friends care so much but by his actions, it seems like Tooru cares little for them. But he does care. He cares a lot and he doesn't know how to express that but it seems that Iwaizumi managed to figure it out. If he sees how flat out horrible he is to them yet manages to understand Tooru or at least view things from his perspective.</p><p>"That was cheesy." Tooru ends up saying. He cracks a smile forcing a laugh from Iwaizumi.</p><p>-o-</p><p><em>"Any reason ya called?" </em>Osamu says, his voice sounding tired.</p><p>He doesn't know why he decides to call him, but Tooru reasons it's because he needs the best advice he can get. "What do you think of Iwaizumi?” Tooru holds the phone a little tighter waiting for the response.</p><p>Osamu breathes, in and out, and then: <em>"He is Suna’s best friend."</em></p><p>"Yes."</p><p>
  <em>"He is a nice guy."</em>
</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Osamu sighs. <em>"He doesn't like me much."</em></p><p>“What. Why?”</p><p><em>“Ya can trust him, if that's what yer asking."</em> Goddamn Osamu's ability to know everything. <em>"I know he likes ya. Wants to be yer friend and all that. He thinks yer lonely."</em></p><p>Tooru freezes. "What?"</p><p><em>"He is right."</em> Osamu says. <em>“Ya know he is right. So let him help ya."</em></p><p>"I don’t—"</p><p><em>"Tooru." </em>Osamu cuts him off, his tone serious. <em>“Let him help ya."</em></p><p>-o-</p><p>It takes Tooru the whole night to think about it.</p><p>He wakes up to Iwaizumi's smile and willingness to forget about the conversation in order for things not to be awkward.</p><p>Tooru makes his decision.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"They can't get you out of the team." Iwaizumi says. “Though I managed to convince Atsumu you can't play yet because you're busy helping me at school."</p><p>Tooru blinks. "What?"</p><p>"You technically do help me at school. I mean, you play the guitar for the kids and well, maybe you can help me around the theatre too? We need someone to look over songs and chords and.” Iwaizumi stops mid sentence. "Wait, do you write music? Oh shit, I didn't think this through. I'm sorry.”</p><p>"I write." Tooru says, mostly to stop Iwaizumi from talking. "I used to take music."</p><p>Iwaizumi looks at him, eyes a little wide and then his lips are forming a smile and Tooru finds himself a bit hypnotized.</p><p>"Why did you stop?"</p><p>His head is screaming <em>red flag, Iwaizumi already knows too much.</em> He knows about his family, friends, career, and volleyball. He knows every shit thing that has ever happened to him. He knows Tooru is all levels of fucked up. The last thing Tooru should do is share another part of himself with Iwaizumi.</p><p>And music—</p><p>Music is a big part of him.</p><p>But. But Iwaizumi is watching him, waiting patiently as he makes himself comfortable on the couch and Tooru feels light, and this sudden wave of rightfulness passes through his body, and—it’s ridiculous. Ridiculous how inclined he is to talk to Iwaizumi. To trust him.</p><p>So Tooru tells him, not knowing he will regret it later.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"You can't keep the spiky hair.” Tooru argues. "It doesn't go with the costume."</p><p>Iwaizumi narrows his eyes. "I can wear a wig."</p><p>Tooru rolls his eyes. “What do you even use? Gel? Can’t you let it down?”</p><p>"No."</p><p>"You look like a punk."</p><p>“You’re a punk."</p><p>-o-</p><p>"What do you mean I was off beat?"</p><p>Tooru sucks on his spoon full of ice cream before responding. “I just think the kids can pull off that move better than you."</p><p>Iwaizumi narrows his eyes. "I think the kids sing better than you, <em>crappykawa</em>”</p><p>Tooru ends up throwing the rest of his ice cream on Iwaizumi. Suna kicks them out. Again.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru wakes up to screaming and honest to god, he thinks someone is being murdered. He doesn't think at all through, and immediately bolts towards the screaming when <em>duh, if you think someone is being murdered you should run the other way</em>.</p><p>Thank god he just finds a kid throwing a tantrum and not a bloody mess in the living room.</p><p>"This is my niece." Iwaizumi shouts, trying to put socks on the little girl that is screaming and kicking and making Tooru wish he should have died in his sleep. "I have to babysit her for the day."</p><p>Which obviously means that Tooru also has to babysit. Tooru shrugs, thinking, no big deal. They will change her, feed her and put her to sleep and they will wait for Iwaizumi’s brother to come pick her up. Things should be fine.</p><p>Things aren't fine at all.</p><p>“Your brother gave birth to a demon." Tooru snaps once it's been thirty minutes of crying.</p><p>“I know.” Iwaizumi replies as he tries to feed her some baby food. "He said this would be easy. Why did I believe him?" The baby kicks her little foot, hitting Iwaizumi's arm causing him to drop the food. She cries harder. Tooru locks himself in his room.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"You are actually going?" Iwaizumi questions, looking over his outfit.</p><p>Tooru covers himself. "Stop staring."</p><p>"You look really tall."</p><p>"It's the volleyball look."</p><p>Iwaizumi laughs. "You look just as bad as Atsumu."</p><p>Later, when Tooru is practising his passes with Atsumu, they both accidentally hit Iwaizumi with the ball.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru has a wide smile on his face as he carries Mina around the mall, enjoying the sorrowful look on Iwaizumi's face. "Your niece likes me better!" Tooru chants as Mina giggles while playing with one of Tooru's ears.</p><p>Iwaizumi just rolls his eyes, mumbling something along the lines of 'you should have helped last time'.</p><p>"We should call Ushijima and offer babysitting more often!"</p><p>-o-</p><p>Iwaizumi is the one that buys the flowers. "I can come with you, if you want?"</p><p>Tooru shakes his head. He takes the flowers, says something about taking only a few minutes and walks forward to his destination.</p><p>He is nervous, heart pounding while his whole body seems to be running on cold blood. He doesn't know how he manages to make it without tripping or simply turning back the other way. He just knows that somehow he is able to stand straight in front of her grave. He drops to his knees, laying down the flowers. “Hey, mom."</p><p>-o-</p><p>It takes three months for them to become friends.</p><p>Five days after that, for Tooru to begin feeling breathless every time Iwaizumi smiles at him.</p><p>-o-</p><p><em>“Ya need to stop callin’ so late at night."</em> Osamu groans.</p><p>Tooru’s gut twists. "Sorry." He coughs. "Just wanted to ask you something."</p><p>Osamu says nothing for a few seconds and Tooru fears he hung up or fell asleep. <em>"Are ya drunk?"</em></p><p>Tooru groans, of course Osamu can figure out when he has had a little too much to drink. "No." He says anyways and he can almost picture Osamu rolling his eyes.</p><p><em>“M’kay."</em> Osamu laughs. <em>“What didja wanna ask me?"</em></p><p>It takes Tooru a few seconds to gather his thoughts. "Remember how you promised you wouldn't leave me all alone."</p><p><em>"Yer not alone."</em> Osamu says fondly.</p><p>"Not anymore."</p><p>Osamu scoffs. <em>"Ya were never alone."</em></p><p>"You know what I mean." Tooru says and then, with a softer tone: "Can you promise me another thing?"</p><p>
  <em>"Sure."</em>
</p><p>"Don't let yourself end up all alone."</p><p>-o-</p><p>One month. It takes one more month for things to fall into something normal. Something that doesn't have Tooru's heart feeling like a black hole.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru wakes up the third time his phone rings. He ignored the first two, thinking whoever was calling would get the hint that it's too early and he doesn't want to talk to anyone. But the person calls a third time, so Tooru reaches over the night table, taps the green button and snaps out a "What?" when the phone is placed against his ear.</p><p><em>"Tooru."</em> Mr. Irihata snorts and in a second Tooru is sitting up straight, wide awake.</p><p>“Irihata-san.” He says. “Sir— Mr. Irihata. Uh-hi-hello." He coughs. "How are you?"</p><p>Mr. Irihata laughs, lightheartedly. <em>"I'm fine, son, how are you?"</em></p><p>"Good." Tooru says. Surprisingly, he means it. “I-uh, I’m good. Doing better, that is."</p><p><em>"That's great to hear!"</em> Mr. Irihata cheers. <em>“After all, it's almost time, isn't it?"</em> He chuckles and Tooru freezes. <em>"How time flies. Six months? To think it feels like just a few weeks!"</em> He laughs but Tooru can't even form a smile. <em>"Are you excited to get back? Let me tell you, this company definitely needs you. There is so much incompetence. I can't wait until you are back here so I can fire half these morons."</em></p><p>Mr. Irihata laughs one more time and all Tooru can do is fake a small laugh as he feels his throat clogging up. "I." he starts, unable to figure out what he wants to say. His mind can't focus on a single point. “I. I can't wait." He mumbles, and then with a more enthusiastic tone he adds: "I'm looking forward to be back."</p><p>Mr. Irihata cheers, obviously not noticing Tooru's discomfort. <em>“Well, I called to let you know I have emailed you the projects you will be working on as soon as you return. I honestly can't wait to have you back—what is that? Yeah yeah, send the email— hey listen Tooru, I have to go. The idiots have managed to screw something else up. Email me when you can, and see you soon."</em></p><p>Mr. Irihata hangs up before Tooru can say anything in return though he hardly has anything to say. His words lost in the horrible impact of reality.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"Hey! Wakatoshi want's us to take Mina to the park! When do you want to—“</p><p>"I can't." Tooru offers no other explanation. He walks out of the apartment, unaware of the hurt displayed on Iwaizumi's face.</p><p>-o-</p><p>In one week things begin falling apart. The black hole is back.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru should have known everything would go straight to hell the moment Iwaizumi bolts into the apartment with the widest smile, while Tooru can't even bring his lips to move from that permanent line they've made the past week.</p><p>"Crappykawa! Guess what? I found something for you.” He is so excited, almost jumping as he pushes papers in front of him. Tooru just stares, feeling exhausted. "You know how you told me about music? And how you took it before? Well I found a course. You can get a certificate. It's perfect for you. I even know the professor. I spoke to him and he said he could give you a discount. You can probably work at the school, too.” Iwaizumi continues talking but Tooru has blocked him out because his eyes are focused on the date the paper read.</p><p>“I can’t." Tooru utters with a heavy heart and Iwaizumi frowns, stopping his ramble.</p><p>"If it's about the money, don't worry. I told you, I know the professor and—“</p><p>"I can't, Iwaizumi.” Tooru sighs, shoulders feeling too heavy and his lungs feeling like they are losing oxygen. Iwaizumi is looking at him with clear confusion and when he opens his mouth to ask why, Tooru is already speaking, sounding nonplus. “I’m leaving the week before the course starts."</p><p>For some reason, speaking those words has Tooru feeling like a traitor. "What?" Iwaizumi snaps, his confusion increasing before his eyes widen slightly and Tooru can see Iwaizumi connecting the dots. "America? You are going back to America?" Iwaizumi sounds like he is accusing him of something and Tooru doesn't understand why because it's not like he did something wrong? Did he?</p><p>"I only got a six month leave. They are expecting me back." Tooru swallows. "I talked to my boss a few days ago and—“</p><p>"You're going back?" Iwaizumi stresses, looking agitated. "<em>Why</em>?"</p><p>Tooru scowls. “What do you mean <em>why</em>? It’s my job."</p><p>"But I thought." Iwaizumi starts but cuts himself off.</p><p>"You thought what?" Tooru asks, sounding far too aggressive.</p><p>Iwaizumi shakes his head, avoiding looking at Tooru's eyes. It angers him, the way he is shutting down. Tooru doesn't want this. For some reason he wants Iwaizumi to react... violently? Aggressively? He wants Iwaizumi to give him anything but silence.</p><p>"You knew this was only temporary." What ‘this’ is, Tooru doesn't know.</p><p>"Temporary, huh?" Iwaizumi snorts and something flares inside Tooru.</p><p>"I'm sorry, was that not clear?" He snaps, sarcasm heavy.</p><p>Iwaizumi laughs and Tooru almost takes a step back in shock because it sounds so wrong. "Oh no, it was crystal clear.” He mocks. "Everyone made it crystal clear when they warned me about <em>you</em>."</p><p>"Warned you about me?" Tooru asks on the offensive. People warned him about him? Who? His friends? Didn't Iwaizumi say they admired him?</p><p>“Yeah. How you throw away everything that makes you happy like the trash you take it for."</p><p>Those words sting and cut deeply through the existent wounds he already carries. "You don't know what you're talking about." Tooru snaps, voice raised at its' highest. Iwaizumi's eyes flare, his fist clench and Tooru finds himself wanting to push Iwaizumi. To get closer to him. To press him against the wall. To shut him up—</p><p>"I know that you you don't care about your job. Not as much as you should. You haven't once mentioned it since we became friends. You never talk about your life in America.” His eyes pin Tooru to his spot, expressing honesty so passionately Tooru feels his hard exterior crumbling. “I know that being here makes you happy. Here, home, Japan. With your friends." Tooru shakes his head, moving away from Iwaizumi as he tells him to shut up. "Why are you so afraid? Why cant you admit things are better here? And what about music? You love music, <em>Tooru.</em> I know you do. The worst thing you can do to yourself is letting go of something you love.” Iwaizumi grabs his arm, stopping Tooru from taking another step away. "People fight for the things they love. They don't just give up."</p><p>
  <em>You gave up on everything because that's who you are.</em>
</p><p>Tooru bites his lip as he turns to push Iwaizumi straight against the wall. Iwaizumi looks surprised, hands flying to press against Tooru's chest as the former leans over him. "Shut up," Tooru hisses as he bumps Iwaizumi's forehead with his own. "Shut up."</p><p>Iwaizumi's hands grab a hold of Oikawa’s shirt tightly while his eyes narrow. He swallows and then opens his mouth to talk and Tooru can already hear the words that will come out his mouth. He can already hear the criticism, he can hear the truth just being spat at him and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want Iwaizumi to tell him everything his heart does not want to accept.</p><p>So he kisses him.</p><p>Hungrily, like he hasn't kissed anyone before. He kisses with teeth and tongue and the force of their lips clashing against one another is not pleasurable but Tooru can't get enough of Iwaizumi's taste. It's a battle, the way their lips move and it's absolutely ridiculous the way they melt into that kiss. Somehow, someway, Tooru and Iwaizumi end up completely pressed against each other, kissing like their life depends on it.</p><p><em>What’s this going to do? What’s this going to fix? </em>He asks himself, letting Iwaizumi roam his hands over his body. Letting Iwaizumi steal his breath away with every suck, every bite, every moan. <em>What are we doing? </em>There is a part of Tooru’s brain that focuses on those questions while he too roams his hands over Iwaizumi’s body. While he pulls him closer. While he sucks, bites and moans. Tooru is practically consumed by lust as he is driven by desire.</p><p>Yet all the same, another part of him hopes that the kiss is getting the message across, that Iwaizumi can hear his desperate shouts. His desperate confessions.</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I like you. I want to stay.</em>
</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru didn't expect much to happen after that kiss.</p><p>It hurt a lot, getting pushed away at the end by a wide eyed Iwaizumi, who stared at him for no longer than five seconds before running to his room. Tooru didn't chase after him, feeling like a coward. He thinks back to what pushed him to kiss Iwaizumi in the first place and sure, Tooru knows he is attractive (it’s always been in the back of his head) but Iwaizumi's looks had nothing to do with his feelings.</p><p>Feelings. He has feelings for Iwaizumi?</p><p>But why, when, how? Tooru has only every liked one other guy back in high school. Said guy had been homophobic and didn't take it quite well when Tooru confessed. After that horrible experience Tooru had mostly found himself leaning towards girls. He had carried strong feelings for his ex girlfriend from university, but his father had made that relationship a living hell when it came to light that she wanted to be a hairdresser and had no plans or ambitions in becoming anything 'worthy'.</p><p>From then on, Tooru hasn't been looking. Maybe that's how he found Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi who managed to sneak his way into his heart.</p><p>Regardless, nothing happened after that kiss. At least nothing positive. After that night, Iwaizumi began avoiding him like the plague, and after three days of Tooru trying to talk to him with no results, Tooru decided he could also play that game. It's harder than he expects, but he manages.</p><p>Volleyball takes up most of his time anyways. Practice, games, and hanging out with his friends afterwards ends up becoming Tooru's escape from Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi who no longer asks him to play a few songs for his class, or to help organize the audios for the next production. Iwaizumi who leaves earlier than usual for work, who doesn't bother eating lunch or dinner at home. Iwaizumi who so easily disappears from Tooru's life.</p><p><em>I’m fine with this, </em>Tooru tells himself as he ignores the tight pressure he feels against his chest.</p><p>-o-</p><p>His friends don't take it well when Tooru delivers the news. They take it with silence at first, looking at Tooru who is sitting on the bench of the volleyball court while everyone else surrounds him. Kuroo brakes the silence with a question, asking ‘how long’ and Tooru responds with three weeks. In three weeks he will be going back to America.</p><p>Atsumu mumbles something about volleyball and a tournament and Tooru was ready for that. He had called Osamu the day before and begged for his help. So Atsumu had nothing to say once Tooru confirms that Osamu will be taking his place. They start practice after that and once they are done and gasping for air as they lie on their sweat, Tsukishima mutters an 'I'm going to miss you.'</p><p>After that things get emotional and everyone keeps repeating those words and Kuroo demands Tooru to at least spend one week with him, and then Akaashi begins complaining about it being short notice and, well, plans are made. Tooru books of the rest of his days with dinners and movie nights and mundane hang outs.</p><p>His friends complain a lot, but soon they are teasing him, congratulating him on his job, on how much he has grown. Kuroo and Atsumu bring back stories of their childhood, Akaashi brings up the fact that Tooru once couldn't even introduce himself in English. Tsukishima mock cries about being proud he has finally grown up.</p><p>Everything seems fine and Tooru smiles, an honest smile, as he watches his friend and thinks: <em>maybe this is not too bad.</em></p><p>But then Atsumu and Kuroo begin to fight over who Tooru's actual best friend is, Tsukishima quips in with his sarcastic comments, while Akaashi and Sakusa start complaining about their immatureness and everyone is being loud and obnoxious, talking over each other and creating major chaos. Thus, Tooru doesn't really notice how Bokuto moves a little closer to him until he brushes their shoulders together and Tooru looks at him with confused eyes and Bokuto frowns before letting out a soft question that goes unheard by everyone else.</p><p>“Does Hajime know?"</p><p>Tooru doesn't like the look on Bokuto's face, doesn't like the concern he hears in those words. "Yes." He says. Bokuto looks like he wants to say something else, but he bites his lip and nods at his answer before looking away and making his way back to Akaashi's side.</p><p>Tooru feels uneasy.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Two weeks go by in an instant. His mind keeps telling him he is running out of time and Tooru doesn't really understand what that means.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"I'm going to America.” Osamu casually mentions as Tooru finds a seat in front him in the small cafe they agreed to meet at. "For a few months."</p><p>"Now?" Tooru asks, his mind drawing a blank.</p><p>"After the competition." Osamu replies as he plays with his empty cup of coffee. “Thought ya would like to know. Maybe we can meet up one day."</p><p>Tooru nods, leaning back against his chair as he studies Osamu. Osamu who almost always walks around with a smile and an eye catching outfit but today seems to have a permanent frown on his face as he hides behind his baggy sweater and track pants. "What for?" He asks as he also takes notice of the eye bags Osamu carries.</p><p>Osamu shrugs. “For work. Vacation. Don't know."</p><p>"Is this about Suna?"</p><p>Osamu stiffens, the grip on his cup tightening. “No." he avoids Tooru's gaze.</p><p>"How are things with him?"</p><p>"We don't talk." Osamu affirms, finally looking up to meet Tooru's waiting eyes. "How are things with Iwaizumi?"</p><p>Tooru averts his gaze, grunting as he sinks lower into his seat. “Samu."</p><p>"Forget what I told ya, Tooru." Osamu interrupts, catching Tooru off guard. “‘bout Suna." Osamu clarifies. "Forget what I said about him."</p><p>Something clicks in Oikawa’s head. “You love him, right?"</p><p>“Yes." Osamu doesn’t miss a beat.</p><p>"Did you tell him?"</p><p>Osamu bites his lip. "No." He taps his fingers against the table. “He thinks I don't feel the same way." A pause. "I hurt him a lot when I rejected his confession."</p><p>"Does he know you are leaving?" Tooru asks and Osamu shakes his head, no. <em>Does Atsumu? </em>He thinks of asking, but it seems that nowadays the twins have fallen apart even more. "Will you tell him?"</p><p>"He wants nothing to do with me."</p><p>“Samu."</p><p>"Let me.” Osamu interrupts. "Let me run away from this."</p><p>Tooru says nothing more. He is an expert in running away, he has no right to ask Osamu to stay.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He bumps into Kita near Suna's ice cream shop.</p><p>Tooru had been thinking about going to see Suna, to see if he still hated him or something. Maybe to talk. But the voice in his head, that sounds too much like Osamu, keeps telling him to mind his own business. He sits by a bench nearby instead, and after an hour of just sitting there, he stands up only to come face to face with Kita.</p><p>Well, not really since Oikawa is a head taller. But regardless, Kita is standing there watching him while he finishes his ice cream cone that's obviously from Suna’s shop. Tooru is not really familiar with Kita and even though they have occasionally exchanged a few words every time they are invited to the same hang out, he doesn't feel comfortable enough to be around him.</p><p>He nods his head as a greeting since its obvious Kita recognized him and then quickly looks away to make it clear he wants to leave.</p><p>However, Kita sits on the bench and then looks at Tooru with a challenging gaze.</p><p>Tooru takes a sit once again, half his mind wondering why his body sometimes moves without his permission and the other half trying to ignore how familiar Kita's stare is.</p><p>Iwaizumi doesn't really talk much about his family. He knows Bokuto (Iwaizumi’s cousin) the most, but even with everything Akaashi and Iwaizumi have told him, he actually doesn't really know that much about him. He hardly knows anything about Ushijima (Iwaizumi’s step brother) other than the fact that he is married and is the father of Mina, and he even knows less about Kita (Bokuto’s step brother). He knows that he is a tailor and that's basically it. But why is Kita looking at him as if he knows everything about him?</p><p>They sit in silence for a few minutes, Tooru has nothing to say to Kita and Kita himself seems too preoccupied with eating his ice cream to bother starting a conversation with Tooru. But Kita does have something to say to him, Tooru just knows by the way Kita looks at him.</p><p>The voice in his head whispers<em> Iwaizumi </em>and Tooru struggles to breathe.</p><p>“Suna doesn't really like you, were you going to visit him?" Is how Kita starts the conversation.</p><p>"No." Tooru lies because he can probably come up with a million reasons as to why he is sitting on a bench all alone near Suna's ice cream shop.</p><p>"He caught you staring at his shop." Tooru frowns and says nothing to that. "Like I said, he doesn't really like you. Maybe, stay away?"</p><p>"I just wanted to—“ <em>tell him about Osamu,</em> is what Tooru was going to say but he quickly cuts himself off. "I like the ice cream." He says instead.</p><p>Kita raises his brow at him but says nothing to his words. “Oikawa-san, right?" He waits for Tooru to nod before offering him a smile. "How's Hajime?"</p><p>Tooru wasn't expecting that question and his face probably shows it. Kita watches him react to the question, eyes narrowed slightly in a form of annoyance that has Tooru's body shivering at the intensity.</p><p>"I haven't talked to him in a while." Kita goes on, looking away for a second to admire the scenario. "He seems so busy these days. I had hoped Suna would update me on him but it seems like he hasn't really seen much of him." Kita pauses, turning to once again look at Tooru. "He did mention Iwaizumi spends most of his time with you."</p><p>"I barely see him." Slips from Tooru's mouth in a second and Tooru mentally curses himself.</p><p>"Really?" Kita sounds genuinely surprised but the look in his eyes tells Tooru otherwise. “Weird. Wakatoshi mentioned you babysit Mina together. A lot." They've done it around five times. Tooru wouldn't count that as a lot. "And you do help him with his classes, right?” Kita questions looking delighted with each point he brings up. "I heard he nagged Wakatoshi’s wife for her brothers' number—he is a musician and producer. Apparently he was helping you get into his class?" Tooru bites his lip. “Oh, and I just found out you guys have been living together?"</p><p>"I'm leaving soon." Tooru says then and before he can stop himself: “Back to America. I. I haven't seen Iwaizumi in a while. Sorry." And just like that he stands up, ready to bolt away, face flushed with embarrassment. He doesn't know why he is reacting like this, but Kita's words make him feel.</p><p>Feel guilty.</p><p>“Please, sit down." Kita says and Tooru doesn't obey, but he doesn't leave either. "I heard about that, too."</p><p>"I really haven't seen Iwaizumi in a while.”</p><p>"I saw him last night. At my bar." There is an accusing tone in Kita's words and Tooru can't help but feel the weight of those words. "In fact, he has been visiting my bar a lot lately."</p><p>"I thought you were a tailor." Tooru says in a soft tone.</p><p>Kita hums. "Can't a man have more than one business? Never mind about that, I have a story to tell you." Tooru sits then, deciding to ignore his desire to run as far away as he can. Kita smiles before continuing. ”It's a story I carry close to my heart. Please listen carefully.” Kita says.</p><p>"Once upon a time there was a problem in the core of the development of one of the biggest companies in Japan. A problem that forced a very powerful man into action. He planned to reconstruct his company and to do that, he reconstructed the life of his children so that those children would follow his every command and the company could flourish.</p><p>He was right. Once the children served their purpose, his expectations turned to rest on the next generation. Grandchildren raised in a similar way than how he raised his children and his company. He had blueprints for each grandchild, wether they have his blood or not. He had plans, he had the means to accomplish those plans and he had the confidence that the outcome would inevitably favour him. Of course like all good stories, that's not what happens.”</p><p>Tooru wants to leave more than ever now. This story, the one Kita is sharing like it's written in a kid's book (a dark, kids book) has Tooru's inside squirming with discomfort. But wether Kita notices his discomfort or not, he doesn't acknowledge it, instead he continues speaking, his face void of any telling emotion.</p><p>"During the building process, many problems arose. The lives of his grandchildren weren't going as planned. He barely cared, it didn't matter how many setbacks occurred as long as the final project came out right. But then—and this is the climax of the story— then, an incident occurred and because of that incident, the plans he had for his grandchildren were destroyed.</p><p>He lost his perfect <em>tools</em>. Of course, that doesn't mean he lost the war. Just a battle. After the incident many things changed. I can probably make the story long by telling you how the lives of each grandchild was affected, but I'm sure you only care to hear about one?</p><p>You know how money works, how tight family ties hold onto you. You knows what it's like to lose someone. Maybe you even know what it's like to be hated for having a particular <em>taste</em>. You know the general idea of what it's like to have everything, and at the same time, nothing at all.</p><p>You are probably very similar to this one grandchild, have you ever thought about that? Have you ever considered that maybe you are not the only one out there running away? Or feeling alone? Maybe you are not the only one out there searching for a place to call home."</p><p>Kita stands up then, his eyes wide with knowledge and a tension and intensity that has Tooru frozen in spot while his own eyes yearn to look away.</p><p>"You should probably think about these things, Oikawa-san.”</p><p>Kita leaves before Tooru can say anything. It's thirty minutes later that Tooru realizes he doesn't even have anything to say.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru catches Iwaizumi cooking late at night one day. He tells Iwaizumi about the light bulb that stopped working in the living room only to get a small nod from him. Tooru doesn't bother saying anything else except his flight details.</p><p>He leaves the kitchen to the sound of dishes being dropped into the sink carelessly.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Iwaizumi is not home, Tooru notes.</p><p>Today is the day of his flight, his suitcase is packed, his tickets sitting with his passport on the table, and the guest room he had once called his own, is clean and empty; as if it hadn't been used. The rest of the apartment is also clean, Tooru having decided it was the polite thing to do. The only place Tooru hadn't bothered cleaning was Iwaizumi's room, mainly because he didn't want to disturb him.</p><p>However, when he did make up his mind to at least say bye, he opened the door just to find the bed made and the room empty. Tooru had truly thought Iwaizumi was in his room. He doesn't work today and it is the day Tooru is set to leave. Even though Iwaizumi has been avoiding him, Tooru had hoped that he would at least see him the day of his flight. <em>You've been avoiding him too.</em> A voice in his head says and Tooru ignores it in favour of just accepting Iwaizumi hates him.</p><p>He walks around the whole apartment, looking at the place he called home for roughly six months and it bothers him, seeing things that he knows he will miss.</p><p>He looks at the kitchen and he remembers those few morning when they had breakfast together and shared small talks, before they became comfortable with each other. He looks at the living room and he thinks back to his breakdowns and then to the days they would babysit Mina and she would cry until they all sat down and began watching TV.</p><p>He looks around and he thinks <em>home </em>and then he thinks back to his apartment in California and it doesn't feel right. His apartment there only has one room, a small kitchen, and a living room with no TV. His apartment in California is just a place. It's not home. Home... home is here.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe you are not the only one out there searching for a place to call home.</em>
</p><p>The clock strikes four and it's with a heavy heart that Tooru realizes time is not on his side today. He showers and he dresses up, making sure to avoid creating a mess in the room he just cleaned. Once he is done he closes the door to his room and walks towards the kitchen where he leaves the house keys. He stands for a few seconds, glancing around the kitchen before making up his mind and grabbing a pen and the small pad of paper Iwaizumi leaves in the kitchen to write down his grocery list.</p><p>He doesn't think much as he writes a small ‘thank you’ note. It's simple, maybe too formal, but it's the last effort Tooru is willing to make. He leaves the note next to the keys and then he turns to the living room to grab his passport and ticket.</p><p>It's then when his eyes land on Iwaizumi.</p><p>Tooru's heart stops for just a second as he takes in the sight of him. Iwaizumi's hair is not spiked, that’s the first thing he notices. It's longer and combed and maybe even a different colour? The second thing he notices is that the clothes Iwaizumi is wearing is not his own. By the tight fitaround his arms, Tooru can assume its Suna's. <em>Was that where he was hiding?</em> Or maybe it was Kita's clothes. <em>Was he still going to his bar? Was he drinking a lot?</em></p><p>"You're leaving." Iwaizumi states, his eyes glancing at his ticket and then his suitcase that's placed by the door. Tooru wants to scream out at Iwaizumi. He wants to yell at him for being abandoned. He wants to blame Iwaizumi for not staying when he needed him. For not enjoying the last few weeks they had together.</p><p>For rejecting his kiss.</p><p>For not liking him back.</p><p>But he says nothing.</p><p>Iwaizumi nods after a few seconds of silence before his eyes glance over to the table again and then he is reaching over to grab Tooru's passport and tickets. He places the tickets inside the passport and then walks over to him. The moment he stands in front of Tooru, he extends his arm to hand over the passport. Tooru takes it, his shoulders tensing. He watches Iwaizumi and when he accepts Iwaizumi wont be saying anything else, Tooru begins to move.</p><p>He passes right by Iwaizumi and walks straight to the door. The silence is suffocating but Tooru does his best in controlling his beating heart with every step he takes away from Iwaizumi. The distance he crosses is short, but it feels longer than any walk he has ever taken. Every step gets harder to take. Every second starts feeling like extra weight in his heart. For some reason, Tooru feels like it's ending—his life, his journey, his path—he doesn't quite know. But this is the end of <em>something,</em> and in a second of hesitation, Tooru realizes he doesn't want anything to end.</p><p>He stops right by his suitcase.</p><p>He thinks about America, about his apartment in California, about his work, and he feels empty and alone. Then he thinks of <em>home</em> but then Iwaizumi is all he can see and suddenly, <em>suddenly</em> Tooru can't bring himself to open the door of the apartment.</p><p>Iwaizumi is breathing heavily and Tooru is too scared to turn around to see the tears he knows are on his cheeks. Or maybe he is too scared to let Iwaizumi see his own tears. For almost a minute, does Tooru stand still, his mind processing every possible thought of the situation.</p><p>His mind screams at him that Iwaizumi rejected him. That Iwaizumi ended the kiss, pushed him away. That Iwaizumi doesn't want him. That Tooru himself doesn't even deserve to want Iwaizumi. Yet at the same time, his heart wants to rip open his ribcage just at the thought of Iwaizumi.</p><p>It's not the first time Tooru has been caught trying to make a decision with his heart and mind on opposite sides. Tooru is a very practical person, he leans more towards the idea that the heart can be easily deceived, while the mind can almost always be right for the logic it carries. All decisions he has made so far have been decisions his mind supported. That's all he knows; to follow logic. That's all Tooru has.</p><p>However, for the first time, it seems like logic has little to do with him. "Don't let me go." He whispers, his mind thinking back to everything he has given up on. If he walks out the door, it will bring the same results as his other decisions. What good has that brought him? Misery. Agony.<em> Loneliness.</em></p><p>Iwaizumi chokes, the sound feeling like a punch to the gut. Tooru breathes in and louder, he says: "<em>Hajime,</em> please don't give up on me." His throat clogs as he hears Iwaizumi's sharp gasp. For the first time Tooru's heart seems to be overpowering the logic of his mind. He swallows and after what seems like an eternity of silence— "Ask me to stay."</p><p>
  <em>Tell me you feel the same.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell me I didn't misunderstand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell me this is what you want.</em>
</p><p>Silent tears are making their way down his cheeks. He is facing the door, thinking of the nothing that waits for him in America and then he hears footsteps, his heartbeat quickens as he feels strong arms on his waist, pulling him back to lean on a broad chest. Tooru melts into the embrace and Iwaizumi’s voice comes, clear of hesitation.</p><p>"Stay." He breathes, pressing his body tightly against Tooru's. "Stay with me." Tooru begins shaking, sinking into Iwaizumi's body. He gasps for air when it becomes a little too hard to breathe and then he is turning around to face Iwaizumi, only to have said man push him straight against the door. "Stay."</p><p>Much like their first kiss, it's desperate, though this time it's Hajime who leans in to press their lips together.</p><p>-o-</p><p>In a matter of days Tooru learns to find beauty in the morning when he wakes up and locks eyes with Hajime.</p><p>It's fairy-tale like; the way the sun shines through the window, resting on Hajime's tanned skin before Tooru pulls him closer. It's dream like; the way Hajime melts every time Tooru touches him, the way they kiss so softly yet passionately. It's just <em>normal</em>; the way they get of the bed with their days busy with plans, but both share an equally large smile simply because they are together.</p><p>Tooru has never quite experienced something like this.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Mr. Irihata is disappointed with Tooru's resignation. He is a valued employee and Mr. Irihata makes sure Tooru understands that before he faxes the official documents signed. Tooru has to sign documents that state he can't work for any of the competitor companies for the next five years. He also needs to keep quiet in regards to everything he knows, breaking that contract can result in a fine that would leave him penny-less.</p><p>More or less, Tooru is jobless and with little hope in finding any other job for the next five years. He pouts about it for half of the day, ignoring his ringing phone as he lays on Hajime's bed with a bottle of whisky. It's in that exact situation that Hajime finds him and it takes him a total of ten minutes to snap some sense into him.</p><p>Hajime gives him the information for that course he mentioned as well as the number of the professor. It's an advanced music course and Tooru's nerves spike when he looks over the criteria. Since he abandoned his dream of being a musician or of perusing music in any way, Tooru has kept his distance from music. He doesn't doubt his skill, however he does doubt his passion.</p><p>Tooru knows how easy he can give up on something if his mind allows it. He knows the darkness that surrounds him. He knows all good things come to an end. He knows he doesn't have the character to overcome the negativity that often times overpowers him.</p><p>But Hajime keeps saying everything will be alright.</p><p>And Tooru believes him.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru has Hajime pressed against the wall. He is trying to strip himself while he kisses Hajime breathlessly. It's messy, the way they both fight for control as they try to lead the situation their way. Tooru wants everything quick and hard while Hajime just wants everything <em>slow</em> and hard. They both put strength in their kiss and touches, yet they spend most of their energy trying to set their own speed.</p><p>"Fuck." It's Tooru that ends up giving up, mostly because Hajime begins pressing the palm of his hand against his groin. The way he moves his hand has Tooru's knees weakening and thus giving Hajime the opportunity to tame him. Hajime is the one to push Tooru on the bed. He is the one to follow Tooru's body as he gracefully lies on top of him. However it's Tooru that turn the tables once he grinds his hip up, forcing Hajime's hand to move aside to let their groins press together.</p><p>Hajime’s moans are almost musical and Tooru has always been one to appreciate music. It's almost a game, the way he makes Hajime cry out every few seconds. They way he moves just to hear Hajime’s desperate moans. Tooru strives to have Hajime open his mouth to let out any sinful sound.</p><p>It's Hajime that ends up naked first and it takes Tooru a little longer to lose his pants since he finds himself occupied in marking every bit of Hajime's skin. It's not the first time they are sleeping together. It's not the first time Tooru sucks hard on Hajime's hips and thighs. The previous marks he left are still there and Tooru makes sure to suck harder in the same spots to keep it there.</p><p>"Tooru." Hajime hisses when Tooru's mouth is far too close to his dick. Tooru hums, letting his hands wonder over his chest. “Tooru." He moans and Tooru smiles before his lips move to Hajime's balls. "Shit."</p><p>Tooru loves this. Loves having Hajime like this. He is a mess as he trashes around the bed, trying to get the pleasure he desires. Tooru likes things fast, but now, just now, he doesn't mind taking things slow if it means Hajime will keep saying his name with those broken sounds.</p><p>“Fuck— just— fuck<em>.</em> <em>Tooru.</em>"</p><p>Tooru truly loves this.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He doesn't tell his friends he is staying and he realizes how big of a mistake that was when Kuroo and Tsukishima find him shopping for groceries on a Friday morning. Kuroo does a double take, before he frowns, points at him and then scowls when Tsukishima says something to him.</p><p>Tooru has a million apologies in mind but everything goes blank once Tsukishima is standing in front of him with a shit eating grin on his face. "Nice shirt."</p><p>Tooru blinks at him because that is the last thing he thought he would say. He opens and closes his mouth, probably looking like a fish as Tsukishima just stands there smirking. "What?" he lets out, noticing Kuroo hasn't moved from his spot. His arms are crossed over his chest and he seems to be planning murder with that look in his eyes. "He is going to kill me."</p><p>"That's why I told him to stay still as I gather information." Tsukishima says happily. "Why are you here?"</p><p>"I'm shopping.”</p><p>"Why are you in Japan, jackass."</p><p>Tooru bites his lip. “Oh. Well.”</p><p>"It's Iwaizumi isn't it?" Tooru says nothing, his hands beginning to fidget as Tsukishima keeps that annoying smirk directed at him. "I knew it. Atsumu owes me dinner.”</p><p>"What?" Tooru splutters, his mind being too slow to understand why Tsukishima even brought up his name.</p><p>“Tsukki!" Kuroo snaps, foot tapping the ground as he continues to glare at Tooru.</p><p>Tsukishima sighs, shakes his head in a way that seems fond as he glances at Kuroo. "Don't contact him for a day or two." He says, eyes not leaving Kuroo. "I promise he wont plan your murder." And just like that, Tsukishima pats Tooru's shoulder and leaves.</p><p>Tooru watches as he reaches Kuroo and drags him away, all the while Kuroo’s yelling stuff like <em>‘traitor’</em>, <em>‘asshole’</em>, <em>‘we are no longer friends with him’</em>. Tooru fights the urge to smile at how ridiculous his friends are. He makes a mental note to tell everyone else he is still around and not in America and continues his shopping.</p><p>It's half an hour later when he passes by a window that he sees his reflection and notices the shirt he has on is in fact, not his.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Osamu will end up having to play the last few volleyball games they have left. Atsumu tries to get Tooru back on the team once he finds out Tooru was planning on staying and really, Tooru wanted to play, but the problem was that he couldn't bring himself to force Osamu out.</p><p>Osamu, who was days away from going to America (for a culinary program, as it turns out). Osamu who has yet to tell anyone, and something inside Tooru makes him think Osamu has no plans on letting anyone know until he is well on his way. The last game would be a day before Osamu's flight. That game day will probably be the last day Osamu will bring himself to see anyone.</p><p>"We should have a party, in honour of Tooru staying." Osamu brings up one day when they are all enjoying a night out in a small ramen restaurant, courtesy of Bokuto and Akaashi. “After the game, that is."</p><p>"And our win!" Kuroo adds, clinging to Tooru now that he has finally forgiving him for <em>‘not telling his best friend he would be staying in the beautiful land that said beautiful friend lives in.'</em></p><p>Everyone quickly agrees, laughing once Atsumu begins ranting about their undeniable approaching victory (he seems a little put off with the idea, offering his brother weird glares every once in a while and Tooru can only assume their twin connection will always be strong regardless of their relationship).</p><p>Tooru doesn't join them, instead he focuses his gaze on Osamu who is looking at everyone with a sad smile. Once their eyes meet, Osamu offers a raised eyebrow and Tooru wants to open his mouth then, say something like <em>‘it should be your going away party'</em>. But he cant, not with the way that Osamu watches him. Not with the way he sees Osamu.</p><p>Tooru had that same look not too long ago.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tsukishima is not going to Canada, Kuroo tells him when he comes barging in Hajime and his’ apartment. It's not that Tsukishima refused to go, but instead his parents had a change of heart (meaning Kei’s brother probably found out and intervened). Tooru listens to the full story as he cooks, letting Kuroo get into full detail since he seems delighted with the fact that Tsukishima's parents are really taking their relationship into consideration.</p><p>Tooru's parents have never really accepted any of his relationships. All his girlfriends were never good enough. It's not like his parents had an arranged marriage planned (mind you, they did have a list of candidates), they just hoped Tooru would find someone that could carry the Oikawa name with pride. And most importantly someone who could produce an heir.</p><p>He never told his parents of his occasional attraction to men. His mother would have died much sooner if he had. Hearing Kuroo talk so calmly about having dinner with Tsukishima's parents, or Tsukishima being present in one of Kuroo’s video chats with his father, leaves a feeling of discomfort creeping through his heart.</p><p>Tooru could never tell his dad about Hajime, at least not to earn his blessings.</p><p>He thinks about Kita's story then. Thinks about how Hajime comes from a wealthy family. It's not something he hides, but he hasn't really told Tooru anything about it. But will Hajime’s family like Tooru? His parents, would he be good enough for them?</p><p>"Are you even listening to me?" Kuroo asks and out of habit Tooru nods his head. Kuroo throws something at him and then, "why do you never listen? What are you even thinking about? Your smile is creepy and—oh. <em>Oh.</em>" Kuroo's lips form a teasing grin. "Thinking about Iwaizumi, are you?"</p><p>Tooru rolls his eyes and decides to humour Kuroo. "I was, actually." He says and Kuroo laughs at him. Tooru ignores his friend but then a thought passes his mind. “Hey, Tetsu-chan,” he starts thinking of whether it's a good idea or not to bring up this topic. "What do you know about Iwa-chan?” (It’s a catchy nickname, okay?)</p><p>"What do you mean?" Kuroo asks, frowning.</p><p>"What do you know about him? About his life? I don't know, his family?"</p><p>Realization crosses Kuroo's features before his frown returns. "Can't you ask him?"</p><p>He can. He probably should. He knows Hajime won't hide things from him but… “I’m just curious." He says, "I want to hear what you have to say."</p><p>Kuroo looks at him and Tooru knows he is trying to figure out what Tooru is after. And in all honesty, Tooru really is just curious. The information he is seeking is not a secret. He could easily find out everything he needs to know on the internet. And it's not like he doesn't have an idea. He is from an important family, it only makes sense that he knows of other families. It only makes sense that the name Ushijima rings a bell. “His father married the owner of the Paradise Resorts. I think he is the heir, or at least, second in line.”</p><p>Tooru had guessed as much. The Paradise resorts are the leading resorts in Asia. Ushijima Arita is a name well known worldwide. "Wow." He says and Kuroo gives him a weird look. "I mean, I figured. It’s just different when someone says it out loud."</p><p>"You are weird." Kuroo tells him before sighing. "Anyways, there isn't really much about him. The media mostly focuses on his father and his step brother— you’ve met Ushijima at the wedding, right? That whole family is a mess. It’s all so complicated. Though I think the media tends to focus on Kita and Bokuto more. They are cousins and their parents are the CEO’s of two other companies under Paradise Resorts.” Kuroo pauses, raising an eyebrow at him. "What do you really want to know?"</p><p>Tooru bites his lips, thinking hard on whether or not he should say what is on his mind. He can trust Kuroo, he knows he can trust Kuroo, he just feels weird with his whole topic, and that mainly because he will ultimately be talking about his feelings and that's not what Tooru does. Yet he still finds himself admitting: "Would they like me?"</p><p>Kuroo stares and Tooru can tell he is debating on whether he should laugh or not by the way his mouth keeps twitching. Tooru waits patiently for his friend to react. When he finally does, Tooru does not expect the small smile Kuroo offers him.</p><p>"I don't think they care." Kuroo says softly, "but I don't think Iwaizumi cares either."</p><p>-o-</p><p>"What's wrong?" Hajime asks when he gets home, immediately throwing himself on top of Tooru, who is resting on Hajime’s bed (might as well be their bed).</p><p>Tooru groans rolling away from Hajime, murmuring something about him smelling. "Nothing is wrong." He says and Hajime sighs at that.</p><p>"I don't believe you." He sings with a teasing tone. Hajime wraps his arms around Tooru's torso, resting his head on his chest before looking up to meet Tooru's eyes. "Tell me."</p><p>"Why don't you ever talk about your family?" Tooru asks, hoping Hajime will forget all the times he probably did talk about his family but Tooru was too busy hating life to listen.</p><p>Hajime looks at him, studying his face before he smiles and presses himself closer to Tooru. "What do you want to know?" He asks instead of giving an answer Tooru hadn’t asked for.</p><p>"Why don't you work in one of your mother's resorts?"</p><p>Hajime hums at the question before Tooru feels him shrug. “Step mother.” He corrects and then adds: “I never really thought about it. When did you figure it out?" Hajime then ask, not needing to clarify what he is referring to.</p><p>"How do you know I haven't always known?"</p><p>Hajime snorts, "you asked me if I was baseball player.”</p><p>“A valid question! You are rich and buff and your <em>hair</em>!”</p><p>“My hair?” Hajime laughs. “I’m not rich. It’s their money, not mine.”</p><p>Tooru looks away from Hajime’s eyes. "I did some thinking after talking to your cousin.” He says to answer Hajime’s previous question.</p><p>Hajime raises a brow, "Koutarou?"</p><p>"Kita."</p><p>Hajime straightens out immediately, lifting himself up from his position, leaving Tooru whining at the sudden cold. "When did you talk to Kita?"</p><p>"A while ago." Tooru says. Hajime blinks at him, "we bumped into each other outside of Suna's ice cream shop." He explains.</p><p>"Oh." Hajime frowns, "and what did he say?"</p><p>"Nothing really.” Tooru says, not sure why he is so hesitant to tell Hajime about his conversation with Kita. “He just. He helped me realize some things." It's true. Kita's words had definitely played a big part in forcing Tooru to question if going back to America was a good idea; if leaving Hajime was worth it. "He cares a lot about you."</p><p>Hajime bites his lip. "Really?" He says and Tooru doesn't miss the way Hajime's smile falters. Tooru thinks about that day, thinks about Kita's worry coated tone as he questioned him as to why Tooru didn't know Hajime’s whereabouts even though he was probably the closest to him at the time. He thinks about Kita's story and how he had made it evident that Hajime was hurting and that Tooru should do something about it. Kita had come of as a protective family member, but <em>why is Hajime reacting like this?</em> "I guess he does."</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>Hajime shakes his head. "Nothing. It's just that," a sigh, "Kita is distant. He is always busy and I guess,” he frowns, "I feel like I'm always bothering him?" Hajime looks at Tooru with an expression that says <em>lost</em>. "We are not that close."</p><p>"You visit him at his bar." Tooru says without thinking.</p><p>"I wasn't there for him—“ Hajime looks at him after cutting himself off. ”He told you that?" His eyes harden. "What did you guys talk about?"</p><p>"He just.” Tooru pauses, not knowing what to say. "He wanted to know about us? Our friendship? I don't know."</p><p>"Did he?” Hajime sighs, "I really don't understand him sometimes."</p><p>"He was worried about you." Tooru tries and Hajime just sighs again.</p><p>"He was probably just tired of dealing with me." Tooru says nothing to that, watching as Iwaizumi once again makes himself comfortable, going back to his previous position with his head resting on Tooru's chest. "He is a good cousin, don't get me wrong, but he is also... you know… Kita Shinsuke. Successful business man. Perfect Kita. Grandson of Ushijima Shinzo."</p><p>"You are also the grandson of Ushijima Shinzo." Tooru brings up, his hand moving to play with Hajime’s hair.</p><p>Hajime chuckles and Tooru looks at him confused. "Me? I'm just Iwaizumi Hajime." Is what he says and Tooru doesn't really give too much thought to that.</p><p>The conversation dies after that. They rather share deep kisses anyway.</p><p>-o-</p><p>They win the final game. The other team stood no chance against their team, mainly because everyone knew the after party they had promised to have afterwards could not be ruined by a loss (and there was no way in hell any of them would live it down if they lost because Tooru wasn't playing. At least that's what Tooru would claim anyways.)</p><p>So three sets out of five, they win. There is a lot of yelling and clapping and kissing. Everyone is over the moon by the result but it isn't long until hunger strikes and Tooru's presence reminds everyone that there is a party they need to have.</p><p>They have it at Suna's ice cream shop like Hajime had planned and god, if Tooru had known he would have done anything to change that.</p><p>"Suna offered," Hajime explains when they get to shop, Kuroo walking in first, already yelling his order. Everyone else follows, comfortably entering the shop and finding their seats at the section that's decorated with party banners and silly string. No one else is there, obviously meaning the whole shop was reserved for them. Suna seems to be the only one behind the counter. "His way of saying ‘sorry'?" Hajime guesses, a smile on his face.</p><p>Tooru nods half heartedly, letting Hajime walk ahead to stop Suna from murdering Kuroo who has decided he wants to scoop his own ice cream. Tooru turns immediately to Osamu once he is sure no one is looking at them. "I didn't—“</p><p>"I knew." Osamu admits, his tone soft. "Iwaizumi and I did most of the planning."</p><p>Tooru frowns. “But why?"</p><p>Osamu looks away, his eyes instead focusing on Suna who is intensely watching Tsukishima and Kuroo make their own ice cream, Hajime is by his side laughing. "Cuz I'm not strong enough." He says and Tooru understands the meaning of those words. Understands how Osamu planned to have the chance to see Suna one last time before leaving.</p><p>Akaashi calls them over then, saying the pizza will get cold if they just stand there. Tooru nods, following Osamu to their seats. He takes notice of the pizza boxes and the bags of chips lying around. Everything was made before their arrival and Tooru turns to look at Suna to give him a smile reflecting his gratitude.</p><p>It's not like Suna did him any wrong, but somehow he understands why he might have felt obligated to throw a party for him. Tooru thinks that maybe he should apologize to him later, not sure why either.</p><p>—He catches Suna glance at Osamu, his shoulders tensing as a longing look crosses his features.</p><p><em>I'm sorry.</em> Tooru thinks, his heart feeling heavy with the knowledge he has.</p><p>The rest of the night is spent celebrating Tooru's decision to stay and their victory. No one notices anything amiss. No one notices the sadness in Osamu's eyes. No one realizes that while they celebrate that Tooru is staying, Osamu will be leaving tomorrow and—he wants to tell them. He wants his friends to know so they can convince Osamu to stay or at least to give him a good farewell.</p><p>Most importantly he wants Suna to know because if the case was reversed, and Hajime left without telling him, Tooru would—he would be lost.</p><p><em>I'm sorry. </em>He thinks again, this time when he catches Suna watching Osamu eating with a natural smile that Suna himself probably doesn't even know he has. Osamu almost chokes on his pizza. Suna bites his lip to stop himself from laughing, his eyes with a glint of fondness.</p><p>Tooru looks away, meeting Hajime’s eyes and once again, <em>I'm sorry, </em>he thinks when he notices how the way Hajime looks at him, is similar to how Suna looks at Osamu.</p><p>Tooru intertwines their fingers. Hajime smiles at him and looks away.</p><p><em>I'm sorry</em>. Tooru repeats in his head, feeling guilty for being able to hold Hajime while Osamu, sitting right next to him, can't even bring himself to look at Suna.</p><p>-o-</p><p>"You knew." Hajime states two nights later.</p><p>Tooru swallows knowing exactly what Hajime is referring to. "Yes." He says defeated. Hajime stays silent, Tooru's decision to not make eye contact keeping him in the dark as to how Hajime is reacting. "Are you mad?"</p><p>Tooru hears a sigh and then, "I'm staying over Rin’s today. See you tomorrow?" Hajime leaves before Tooru can respond.</p><p>Guilt eats him up, but Tooru can't bring himself to do much since he had little say in the first place. It was Osamu’s choice to leave without saying anything. It's not fair, he knows, and it's with dread that he accepts all these feelings, knowing well that he probably deserves it. He probably caused his friends to have these types of feelings in the past.</p><p>He texts Suna later that night, his number saved on his phone as ‘Iwa-chan’s bff'. <em>I'm sorry.</em> He sends, wishing he could offer more than an apology.</p><p>Suna responds immediately. <em>Why should you be sorry?</em> Tooru doesn't reply, thinking Suna doesn't really want an answer anyways. He is right, and Tooru leaves his phone close by, hoping Hajimewill text him eventually. Instead he gets a text from Suna an hour later. <em>Did I make him leave? </em>He asks and Tooru struggles to find an appropriate answer.<em> I told him I was fine with being friends. </em>Another text. <em>He didn't need to love me back.</em> And another. <em>Can you tell him I'm sorry?</em></p><p>Tooru throws his phone away after sending a simple text. <em>Don't be sorry.</em></p><p>Hajime wakes him up the next day with a cup of coffee. He smiles at Tooru, easily finding a spot in their bed. Tooru keeps him close as he drinks his coffee, neither of them saying a word until the cup is empty and sounds of the busy streets start filling the silence.</p><p>"Thank you." Is what Hajime says.</p><p>Tooru tightens his hold. "I need to tell you something." He says, letting the words flow before Hajime can say anything. He tells him everything, everything Osamu told him, everything he assumed, everything he discovered and once he is done speaking he pleas, "don't tell Suna." Hajime's eyes are wide, his body shaking with anger, "let Osamu—“</p><p>"He lied to him."</p><p>"He had his reasons."</p><p>“Tooru—!”</p><p>"He needs time." Tooru interrupts, a fire in his eyes that silences Hajime. "Like me. I needed time. It took me almost two years to figure things out.”</p><p>"Rin thinks he hates him." Hajime stresses. "It's different. They are different from us."</p><p>“Iwa-chan—”</p><p>"Rin wants to move on. He wants to forget him because there is no point in liking someone who will <em>never </em>like you back." Hajime sneers. “That’s what Osamu told him. He made it clear he would never return Rin’s feelings."</p><p>Tooru withdraws. "Maybe it's for the better."</p><p>"How can you say that?" Hajime whispers, looking at Tooru with confusion and disappointment. "Don't you want Osamu to be happy?"</p><p>"He doesn't think Suna will be happy, Iwa-chan.” Tooru starts, his voice strained, "he doesn't think he can make Suna happy. Do you know what that's like?" He questions and suddenly, the conversation takes a shift, they both notice immediately; their eyes locked, gazes saying more than their words. "To know you are incapable of letting yourself be happy because that selfish act will cause someone else agony?"</p><p>"Tooru." Hajime whispers, his hands moving to hold Tooru's face. "How can you be so sure your happiness will bring someone agony?" He speaks quietly, "don't you know that sometimes, seeing the person you lo-like happy, is simply enough?"</p><p>"How do you know those feelings are strong enough?"</p><p>"Because they mean something. They are everything I have."</p><p>Tooru closes his eyes, the look in Hajime’s eyes is too much for him to handle. "How can I give you my all, when I don't even have my all to give?” He whispers, the words soft and innocent.</p><p>Hajime presses their foreheads together and waits until Tooru opens his eyes to whisper, "slowly." They share a peck, "we will take things slowly."</p><p>Tooru hums, putting some space between them before his thoughts go back to the start of the conversation. “Osamu is stubborn." He says and Hajime smiles.</p><p>“Rintarou is worse."</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru gets a job at the music shop two months after he made the decision to stay. The owner of the shop is his soon-to-be professor, the brother of Ushijima's wife's. Tooru makes a deal with him, saying he will work for free and with the money he is suppose to be making, he will pay for his classes. He wont be taking the course Hajime had originally suggested, but in a few months a different one will start and he needs to start saving.</p><p>The only reason Professor Jung accepts that deal is because of Hajime, Tooru knows, but it's as time passes that Jung-sensei takes a liking to him and begins to really appreciate Tooru's musical talent and the knowledge his degree in business promised.</p><p>Tooru spends most of his time working, he hardly has time to visit Hajime's students or to help around the theatre. Hajime doesn't mind, admitting he doesn't really care as long as he can go home to see Tooru sprawled across their bed.</p><p>"We need to take advantage of your free time before you start classes." Hajime says in between kisses, "you wont have time for me once you have exams to study for."</p><p><em>Impossible. </em>Tooru thinks but he lets Hajime strip him nonetheless.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Sakusa and Atsumu get engaged the week before Christmas.</p><p>They have a huge celebration at the main hall in a Paradise Resort. Kita and Ushijima are the ones to throw the party for them, Hajime tells him it's because they've always loved Sakusa and Tooru has to think about how Hajime and Sakusa once dated.</p><p>Atsumu doesn't have any hard feelings against Hajime so Tooru figures he has no right in being slightly jealous. It's clear Hajime doesn't share any feelings for Sakusa, at least not like he used to. However, Tooru’s heart sinks a little when he notices Kita tease Sakusa mercilessly or when Ushijima makes a speech, talking about childhood memories that everyone laughs (Tooru didn't think it was possible for him to be funny) about, but him. Even Bokuto has this fond look every time he looks at Sakusa and Tooru, Tooru feels unwanted.</p><p>It's like he doesn't really belong. And it's stupid, he knows it's stupid to think like this, especially when Hajime wont let go of his hand. <em>Hajime is his, they are together, Sakusa is nothing but the past.</em></p><p>"You are being awfully quiet." Suna tells him when Hajime excuses himself to go to the washroom, leaving him by himself at their table. Suna is standing by him, a cup of wine in hand as he pays attention to the small dance performance happening on the stage, a gift from Bokuto and Akaashi to the happy couple. "A bit gloomy."</p><p>"Just tired." Tooru says, still feeling uncomfortable talking to Suna.</p><p>Suna accepts his answer, nodding before taking Hajime’s seat. "I'm going to America this weekend." He says, changing the conversation.</p><p>"I know." Tooru responds.</p><p>"I have this whole plan, can't wait to put it into action."</p><p>Tooru smiles, Suna’s light tone is unexpected but it brightens up his mood, "It's been five months, maybe you don't stand a chance.” He jokes.</p><p>Suna snorts. "You said to give him time.” He deadpans, his gaze shifting. “Kita-san.” He says and Tooru tenses slightly as the other chair next to him is pulled back.</p><p>Kita takes a seat, offering Suna a smile before his eyes land on Tooru, “Is everything okay?" He questions and Tooru suddenly feels really uncomfortable sitting between Kita and Suna.</p><p>"He is tired." Suna responds for him, his tone amused. "Isn't he killing the mood with his sore face?"</p><p>"I think I'm going to look for Iwa-chan.”</p><p>"Oikawa." A new voice says before Tooru can stand from his seat. Tooru restrains himself from groaning as Ushijima takes a seat in front of him, Bokuto silently sitting as well, his eyes shinning brightly with delight.</p><p>Tooru feels really, really, uncomfortable.</p><p>"Don't worry about Hajime," Ushijima explains, "he is helping Kiyoomi set up his gift for Miya-san.”</p><p>“Right." Tooru murmurs, wanting to sink into his seat with the four pairs of eyes locked on him.</p><p>"We figured we should take the time to talk to you." Bokuto says and Tooru finds himself looking for Kuroo. He needs to get out. "About Hajime."</p><p>Tooru can't do this.</p><p>"Your relationship is private, we understand that. But we want to talk about how public, you plan on making it in the future." Ushijima starts, "when Hajime dated Sakusa there wasn't much of a risk for a scandal. But with you, things are different." <em>God, I need to leave</em>. "You must know our parents are acquainted." Yes. Tooru's father has to know Ushijima Shinzo— or at the very least, Ushijima Arita. "I've worked with your father on a project the previous year. We understand things have been difficult with the passing—”</p><p>"I don't need to talk about my family with you." Tooru cuts him off.</p><p>Ushijima hums, Kita raises a brow and Bokuto and Suna just stare. "No, you don't." Ushijima says. "Sorry, I'm making this too long.”</p><p>"Our family doesn’t care that Hajime is gay, is what we would like to say.” Kita states bluntly. "They accepted his relationship with Sakusa-san. They really didn’t care. However," he looks at Tooru straight in the eye, "they will definitely care if he is dating Oikawa Hiroji’s son."</p><p><em>My father wont care. </em>He wants to say. <em>I can date the president’s son, he wont care. He will </em>hate<em> it.</em></p><p>"The reason we bring this up is because a formal dinner with the entire family is fast approaching." Kita continues. "Once they find out about you two, they are going to look at the business side of things. They are going to want to know what your relationship will mean for Shira Enterprises and Paradise Resorts."</p><p>"Do they have to know?" Tooru asks.</p><p>Suna is the one that snaps at him. "Why? Are you ashamed—”</p><p>"My father despises the idea of homosexuality." Tooru starts, images of the way his father treated Kuroo throughout all these years passing through his head, "he doesn't even want anything to do with me." He made that clear the last time they talked.</p><p>"It's inevitable that our grandfather will find out." Bokuto says with a softer tone, "and as soon as he does, he is going to contact your father."</p><p>"I mean nothing to him." Tooru states. The words feeling heavy as they speak volumes of truth.</p><p>"You're wrong." Ushijima says, his tone leaving no room for argument. Tooru has to fight the urge to swallow as he makes eye contact with him. "You probably mean more to him than you think." For some reason Tooru finds himself thinking of money and contracts and deals. He clenches his jaw as Ushijima concludes, "you're still a valuable piece in his business."</p><p>-o-</p><p>"You will be gone all weekend?"</p><p>"My father is visiting.” Hajime explains, “I have to attend a family dinner. We do this every few months. We have dinner on Saturday and Sunday morning we take a family picture to hang at whatever lucky resort."</p><p>Tooru hums, helping Hajime carry his suitcase to the door. He says nothing, instead letting Hajime kiss him goodbye, murmuring “I'll miss you,” when their lips touch.</p><p>Tooru thinks everything will be alright.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Hajime comes back, his smile not as wide as the day he left but he says nothing as he lets Tooru kiss him senseless.</p><p>-o-</p><p>The night before Tooru's classes start, Hajime has a surprise for him and Tooru is overwhelmed with how that gesture has his throat clogging.</p><p>How he feels for Hajime, Tooru can't really explain. He feels heat every time they are caught up in each others gaze. He feels his heart stop every time Hajime embraces him. His lungs are left airless every time Hajime murmurs something sweet to him. <em>Love, </em>Tooru thinks, his body shivering at the meaning of that word.</p><p>Hajime is always smiling at him. His eyes are always light, emitting this comfort that Tooru can't really bring himself to accept as something he deserves. It's too good to be true, he thinks every time he allows himself to admire Hajime. Hajime who probably deserves better. Hajime who is always wrapping his arms around Tooru's torso, saying things like <em>‘I missed you' </em>or <em>‘hold me tighter'.</em></p><p>Hajime who bites back the words<em> ‘I love you' </em>too often. At least that's what Tooru thinks he is doing because sometimes Hajime has this look in his eyes, and his lips move slightly, his eyes focus on something and then, then he often looks away and tightens his grip on Tooru's hand and Tooru is left with his heart beating against his ribcage with so much force he is afraid his heart will fly out of his chest at any time.</p><p>But he is okay with that. Tooru is okay with not hearing Hajime say <em>‘I love you'</em> because that's too much. Too much too soon and they had promised to take things slow. Besides, it's not love. Not yet. It can't be. Why would Hajime— why would Hajime love <em>him</em>? That's a questions Tooru thinks about daily. He never finds an answer so it must mean Hajime doesn't love him. Not now, maybe not ever. But. <em>But—</em></p><p>Hajime goes and does these stupid things like cook dinner and decorate the apartment and turn off all the lights just to light up a few candles so when Tooru walks inside, Hajime can jump and yell surprise before pressing their bodies together like pieces of a puzzle that is meant to always be together.</p><p>Hajime brings out a cake after dinner and it's shaped like a music note and he forces Tooru to blow out the candles, demanding he make a wish, but all Tooru can think about is how tomorrow he is starting classes for a music program he never thought he would take if it weren't for Hajime. He can only think about how the only reason he wakes up every day to do something he loves, is thanks to Hajime. How he can see his friends every other day because of Hajime.</p><p>How he is not alone and it's Hajime, always Hajime. Everything is thanks to Hajime and that's all Tooru can see as he blows the candles.</p><p>Hajime. Hajime. Hajime. Hajime. Hajime. Hajime.</p><p>"Iloveyou." He says, the words fast but clear even though Hajime is clapping loudly, "I love you." He repeats when Hajime freezes and watches him, eyes wide. Tooru stares. He is gasping for air and his chest is visibly moving with each breath and, "I love you."</p><p>Tooru moves before Hajime can say anything. He grabs a hold of Hajime's hands and pulls him towards him. He kisses him, placing a hand on the back of his neck as he pulls him closer. Tooru puts so much strength in that kiss, forcing Iwaizumi's lips open as he presses their bodies tightly together, leaving no room for air.</p><p>And Hajime kisses him back. Hot and needy and almost as desperate as Tooru. "I love you." He says at one point, lips still pressed together. Tooru swallows those words, deepening the kiss, his mind chanting:<em> more, I love you more, more, more, more.</em></p><p>They make it to the bedroom, bodies never separating more than a few inches. They are not new to sex, not new to sharing physical intimacy, but for some reason as they undress; as they take turns helping each other lose every layer of clothing, things slow down and become so personal Tooru can't help but once again feel overwhelmed with how much love he has for Hajime.</p><p>It's not like other times when things go too fast for them to truly take in each second. It's not like the other times when Tooru grabs a hold of Hajime and thrusts deeply inside with such speed and urgency neither can get out of the bed next morning. It's not like the other times when Hajime prefers oral sex and Tooru does his best to take him in, on his knees, head bobbing as Hajime pleases.</p><p>It's not like other times when it's mainly sex and passion and lust.</p><p>This time Tooru lays Hajime on the bed. He meets his eyes, never once looking away as his hands travel south. Hajime watches him as Tooru is gentle with him. His hands move up and down with firmness and Hajime's mind clouds, his mouth gasping and begging; <em>Tooru, Tooru, more, please, Tooru, please.</em></p><p>They go slower than they are used to. Hajime stretches his hole with his own hands, letting Tooru focus on kissing every inch of his skin. The words <em>I love you </em>are said countless time, between kisses, between gasps of pleasure, between moans.</p><p>They touch as if it's their first and last time together.</p><p>When Tooru finally thrusts inside Hajime, he makes sure to hold his hands over his head. Hajime has his eyes on him, they are watery but the calmness his smile offers is enough for Tooru to know this is what he wants, what they both want. With every thrust, Tooru is saying <em>I love you </em>and with every moan Iwaizumi screams <em>me too</em> and just like that they make love.</p><p>Tooru can almost feel the word happiness finally settle in his heart.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Suna returns to Japan in March. He is alone and at first glance Hajime and Tooru immediately regret ever getting involved. However, later that day Suna finally smiles and says something about going back in July and he thanks Tooru, hugging him tightly while he completely ignores the look of shock both Hajime and Tooru give him.</p><p>They never have the chance to properly question Suna because Ushijima calls and asks them to babysit Mina while he takes a small business trip and they agree, both too confused with how things are going but Suna says, "It's okay," and Tooru looks at Hajime and thinks, <em>yeah.</em></p><p>"It's okay." He repeats.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Things are more than okay because it's been a year and Tooru can openly say I love you before Hajime falls asleep and Tooru goes back to searching for wedding rings online.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru meets Ushijima Arita when Ushiwaka (Tooru has taken to calling him that thanks to Mina) tricks him into dinner. They share a short conversation, Ushijima Arita admits she knows about his relationship with Hajime. She tells him she has already talked to Tooru’s father and that Oikawa Hiroji is an interesting man. Tooru barely says anything, Ushiwaka picks up most of the conversation and when he finally gets the chance to leave, Tooru bolts to the washroom and pukes out most of the food he ate.</p><p>He doesn't tell Hajime anything and instead tries to forget about the thought of Ushiwaka Arita and how she resembles Oikawa Hiroji.</p><p>-o-</p><p>He propose in August.</p><p>He takes a trip to New York to meet up with Ushiwaka and get his blessings. Ushiwaka agrees mainly because Tooru happens to be Mina’s favourite uncle. He also promises to let his parents know and Tooru breathes a little lighter knowing his plan worked and he wont be dealing with that.</p><p>He gets Kita's blessings in a heart beat. Kita asks to see the ring and then gets called to an important meeting so he makes his ‘hurt-my-cousin-and-I-wil-kill-you' speech short. Bokuto however gives him that speech in a very detailed way and even Suna can't manage to be as terrifying as Bokuto when he starts talking about what he will do to him if he hurts Hajime.</p><p>Atsumu, Kuroo and Akaashi help him plan it out. They tease him most of the time, but Tooru feels at ease with them by his side. They make things easier.</p><p>It's Tsukishima, Sakusa and Osamu who don't get involved. Tsukishima and Sakusa deeming Tooru too ridiculous to need help and <em>just ask him to marry you, why do you have to be so dramatic </em>Tooru thinks they are just being like this because Tsukishima doesn't have the balls to propose and Sakusa is still bitter about Atsumu beating him to proposing.</p><p>Osamu has yet to answer any of his calls but he does get a good luck text on the day of the proposal so Tooru doesn't think much about it.</p><p>So Tooru proposes. Under the moonlight on a warm August night. He goes on one knee after the night goes as planned but when its Hajime’s turn to answer, he pulls Tooru up, forcing him to stand still as he goes on one knee and Hajime says <em>crappykawa </em>pulling out a ring from his jacket.</p><p>Tooru beams.</p><p>-o-</p><p>They celebrate their engagement that weekend.</p><p>Suna lets them decorate the ice cream shop and though he is stuck serving other customers, he makes sure to send them every ice cream flavour he has. Sakusa and Atsumu bring a cake that says ‘don't get married before us'<em>.</em> Due to their busy schedules they haven't been able to set a date and Atsumu makes sure to let Tooru know of all the consequences that will come if he gets hitched before him.</p><p>Kuroo hands over a paper that reads wedding planner and the digits of his number. Tooru doesn't hesitate in saying <em>no way in hell</em>. Tsukishima then pulls out a photo book of Tooru's baby pictures. Hajime takes it before Tooru can burn it. Akaashi and Bokuto are running late, Kita and Ushiwaka are both working, Osamu is still in America. Regardless, things are great, perfect even. Tooru can’t even stop looking at his ring.</p><p>He can't believe this is what life is giving him. He can't believe that this much happiness, these overwhelming blessings—they are all his. He can't believe that some one up there actually wants him to be happy. He can't believe Hajime said yes and that he is now Tooru's for ever. He is always going to wake up with someone by his side—with Hajime by his side.</p><p>He is going to get married— thoughts of how his marriage means nothing in Japan be damned.</p><p>Not long ago Tooru couldn’t understand why Bokuto and Akaashi were bothering with a ceremony that held no outcome, no real meaning in the world they live in. Now, just showcasing how much he loves Hajime is enough.</p><p>When did he get this lucky?</p><p>"Kids!" Kuroo exclaims, his spoon digging into the cup of mango ice cream Suna just delivered, "how many kids are you guys having?"</p><p>"None." Tooru deadpans, "it's physically impossible."</p><p>"I meant adopting." Kuroo says and Tooru has to fight the urge to roll his eyes.</p><p>Hajime laughs from beside him, "we just got engaged," he says calmly. “There is no need to think of kids just yet. Plus, we already have like a dozen."</p><p>"Those demons ya teach don't count." Atsumu says, bitting on a cone. "Don't get kids, yer already marrying a kid, isn't that enough?" Tooru glares.</p><p>"No one is getting married before us." Sakusa remarks.</p><p>"I'm going to end up getting married before you, just to have the last laugh." Tsukishima mutters, his head resting on the table.</p><p>"Are you now?" Kuroo teases and Tsukishima straightens out immediately.</p><p>Hajime laughs silently and Tooru puts all his focus on him instead of Kuroo and Tsukishima's bickering. He is holding Hajime’s hand, he has been since they sat down. Tooru likes the kinship, but most importantly he likes the way the ring fits perfectly on Hajime’s finger.</p><p>He plays with it, more often than he plays with his own. He doesn't know why he likes doing it, maybe because Hajime gives him a breathless smile every time he does. Maybe because that ring holds more meaning than anything Tooru owns.</p><p><em>I love you. </em>He thinks and when Iwaizumi looks at him he can hear the ‘me too' just fine.</p><p>"Kou and Keiji are here." Kuroo says after a quick glance at his phone. "They need help bringing in the food."</p><p>"I'll go.” Hajime volunteers after everyone subtly glances his way. He gives Tooru a quick peck before standing from his seat and heading for the door.</p><p>Suna shouts at him, reminding him that food that’s not from the shop is not allowed, but like always, Hajime ignores him. He sticks his middle finger at Suna on his way out. Tooru laughs, his eyes following Hajime even as he leaves the shop.</p><p>Tooru can see him wrap his arms around himself through the shop's window. He frowns, making a mental note to yell at him for never carrying his jacket. His eyes follow Hajime as he looks around, probably trying to find Bokuto's car. His eyes focus on the parking lot across the street and Tooru smiles at the way Iwaizumi perks up before he starts making his way over.</p><p>But he loses that smile almost instantly once Hajime's profile is lit with the headlights of a vehicle.</p><p>Time slows down.</p><p>Tooru’s eyes go wide.</p><p>His throat clogs, words getting stuck.</p><p>Tooru sees Hajime’s body getting hit. Sees the way he rolls over the hood of the car before he hits the windshield and then the car finally stops and Hajime flies back and lands on the concrete right next to the car.</p><p>Tooru can't hear anything but the sound of the wheels shrieking, but yet, he feels like he heard the exact moment Hajime landed head first against the concrete.</p><p>Time freezes and then;</p><p>
  <em>One.</em>
</p><p>Tooru breathes.</p><p>
  <em>Two.</em>
</p><p>He screams.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Tooru's jeans are covered in blood from when he knelt besides Hajime's limp body on the concrete floor. His hands are red even though Tooru has spent the last ten minutes washing the blood away. Tooru's body is cold and his eyes are blood-shot and his throat is clogging up and no matter how long he stares at the washroom mirror, he can't see himself. All he sees is Hajime rolling over the car and then—</p><p>
  <em>Thud.</em>
</p><p>"Tooru?" Atsumu says, eyes distant. “Kita-san’s is here. He brought ya clothes." Tooru nods, but doesn't move. Instead Atsumu sighs and leaves, before returning a minute later with a bag. Tooru spends that minute hearing nothing but t<em>hud thud crack—</em> “Here. Change so we can head to the waiting room."</p><p>Atsumu leaves again and Tooru does what he is told. He changes to the clothes Kita brought him, throwing his dirty clothes in the garbage before he feels a clench in his stomach and then he is running to the toilet to puke for what seems like the fifth time.</p><p>It plays in his head.</p><p>Hajime’s profile. The car. The hit. The blood. So much blood everywhere and Tooru couldn't even bring himself to touch Hajime back then because he looked broken. He looked lifeless. “Ambulance!” Tooru had shouted, “Call an ambulance!” Because he couldn't look away. Not for a second. He couldn't not stare at Hajime's unmoving body.</p><p>"Tooru?"</p><p>"Coming." He gasps before Atsumu re-enters the washroom. Tooru washes his hands one more time, avoiding to glance in the direction of the clothes he threw out and then he exits the washroom<em>. Thud thud thud crack</em>, echoing in his head.</p><p>“Oikawa-san.” Kita greets the moment he enters the waiting room. Tooru glances around, the room is empty. Tsukishima and Kuroo are with Suna helping him close down the shop. Akaashi had taken a frantic Bokuto home and Sakusa had tagged along, his strength needed to hold Bokuto down. Ushiwaka should be on his way. “Oikawa-san.” Kita repeats, finally catching Tooru's attention. "Maybe you should go home.”</p><p>"I'm not leaving." Tooru states with no room for argument.</p><p>"I talked to the doctor. Surgery is going to take most of the night, they don't expect him to wake up until tomorrow evening.”</p><p><em>Thud. Thud. Thud.</em> "I'm not leaving."</p><p>“Kita-san.” Atsumu intervenes. "Maybe it's best if he stays."</p><p>Kita hesitates but ends up agreeing. "Just don't expect much until tomorrow evening."</p><p>Tooru nods, <em>thud thud thud,</em> and then he wonders if he looks as wrecked as Kita.</p><p>-o-</p><p>The surgery is a success. A few broken bones, one or two cuts. The doctor say Hajime is out of the danger zone.</p><p>Yet he wont wake up.</p><p>-o-</p><p>They let him stay in Hajime’s room throughout visiting hours but Tooru manages to sneak in even after they kick him out. He is in the hospital every day, Kita can barely convince him to leave to shower and eat. Tooru refuses to be too far apart from Hajime.</p><p>It's been a week and though he is always close by, Tooru feels like Hajime is worlds away.</p><p>"Don't think bad things." Kuroo tells him, offering him water when he comes by to visit.</p><p>"He will be okay." Tsukishima mumbles, his hand resting on Tooru's shoulder.</p><p>“Hajime is going to wake up." Ushiwaka and Kita assure every time they come to share what the doctor has told them.</p><p>"Everything will be okay." Sakusa comforts him when he comes to change the water for the flowers they have in Hajime's room.</p><p>"Just give it time." Atsumu suggests, giving Tooru a tray of food.</p><p>"He is strong. He has always been strong." Bokuto promises while Akaashi stands by him, his presence holding him up.</p><p>“Hajime will pull through." Suna repeats out loud and Tooru is never sure for who's sake that is.</p><p>Everyone shares so many words yet those words carry nothing to calm him. If anything, all they do is make the void he carries in his heart bigger.</p><p>-o-</p><p>Osamu comes back to Japan. Tooru lets him hold him as he cries the tears he has been holding back for so long.</p><p>-o-</p><p>One month. Hajime wakes up after one month.</p><p>Tooru is with him, in his room as usual. He is watching Hajime sleep, his hands moving in small circles over the covers. He looks breathtaking, Tooru thinks, ignoring how much weight and colour Hajime's face has lost. Tooru doesn't think it's possible for him to think of Hajime as anything but beautiful.</p><p>God, he loves his so much and even looking at him now—even looking at him now, Tooru can't bring himself to accept how lucky he is to have him.</p><p>Because he still has him.</p><p>Hajime is still his and even though he is not wearing his ring (Tooru has it resting on his chest as a necklace), Hajime still loves him and he still agreed to marrying him and—</p><p>And.</p><p>And he is moving. His hand is twitching and Tooru stands from his seat in a heart beat. “Iwa-chan! Hajime!” He gasps out. Hajime moves his head, a groan coming from his lips. “Hajime.” Tooru repeats, his eyes wide as he watches Hajime’s eyes flutter.</p><p>He opens his eyes and Tooru has to close his before everything becomes too much for him to handle. He moves quickly, pressing the button to call for a nurse or doctor before he becomes too lost in the situation to remember. Tooru then focuses his eyes on Hajime.</p><p>Hajime who is now blinking, forcing his eyes to water. He moves again, shifting his body to get comfortable as his eyes try to focus. Their eyes meet. Tooru chokes. “Hajime? Hajime, please.” he pleads, hands placed against the bed.</p><p>Hajime coughs, moves just a little and then; "where?" he gasps out.</p><p>“Hajime." Tooru stresses, grabbing his hand tightly while shaking it. He tries to get him to focus on him instead of where he is because the way Hajime’s eyes are trying to glance around is not a good sign. He is awake but not conscious enough to understand what's happening. Tooru doesn't need him to freak out and that's probably what he will do if he notices he is in a hospital before he notices that Tooru is there, by his side, like every time he wakes up. “Hajime." He chokes and Hajime finally focuses his attention on him and—</p><p>Hajime speaks one more time before the nurses rush in and push Tooru out of the room. It's with agony and confusion that he talks, looking at Tooru with distrust. The words do more to his heart than watching Hajime fly over a car. The words strike him so deeply they steal his oxygen away. He suffocates, as he is pushed out of the room, body going limp the moment the door is shut.</p><p>He falls heavy on his knees and leans against the door. He hears Osamu and Atsumu calling his name. Ushiwaka and Kita are yelling for Hajime, trying to get past the doctors and it's then when Tooru feels the tears overflowing as the three words Hajime spoke echo and taunt him.</p><p>
  <em>"Who are you?"</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So.... Sequel?</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p><p> </p><p>Update Aug 24. I will write a sequel. I’ll probably post it in November, for Angst week.</p><p>Update Oct 29. Soooooooooo. I think it may take me a lil longer to finish the sequel. 🥺</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sequel now in progress</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sequel is here! Currently in progress...</p><p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736189/chapters/67886995/">I'm Asking You To Forget</a>
</p>
  </div></div>
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